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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 36. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 17:08:06
well i have not really spoke to my former t ..
i have taken notice on different things like the way he looks at me and and he winks his eye at me ..
then other times he looks at me with a confused look and then looks down at the ground..
then there were other times that i have saw him looking at me cheast .. my butt u get the point and i see him and he smiles at me ...
i am gettin really confused by all these mixed signals i am reciving .. i have thought about making a sexual move on him but i am shy .. i have thought about ignoring it ....
what u think ?
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 17:51:24
In reply to umm these thoughts.., posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 17:08:06
I am shy too...do you think you could look at him when he does any of this and in a joking way...to hide it kind of...ask him if he is flirting with you? My T has outright said things to ne but then never makes a move and that leaves me...very confused. I am thinking now maybe cause he doesn't make a move he didn't mean what he said. So be safe and feel the waters first. I don't know about making a huge sexual move
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2004, at 19:21:28
In reply to umm these thoughts.., posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 17:08:06
I'd ignore it. Your therapist hasn't been a former therapist for very long. In two years you might ask him, if he's still looking. But if you get involved now, he's probably going to feel threatened by the possibility of career damage. Even if he sleeps with you, in most of these cases, the therapist drops the client like a hot potato when the blood goes back to his brain and he realizes what he's done. And then he just hopes and prays that the client says nothing.
Don't try to go there. It'll just bring you pain.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 19:29:11
In reply to Re: umm these thoughts.. » toomuchpain, posted by Dinah on March 5, 2004, at 19:21:28
Dinah lmao you and I never see eye to eye on the T client issue and I respect that but I HAD to say you almost made me spit rootbeer all over my puter with the quote below..way funny...I know you didnt mean to be but :D
>>the therapist drops the client like a hot potato when the blood goes back to his brain and he realizes what he's done. >>>
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2004, at 19:35:41
In reply to Re: umm these thoughts.. » Dinah, posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 19:29:11
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 19:41:38
In reply to Re: umm these thoughts.. » Dinah, posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 19:29:11
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 19:45:08
In reply to umm these thoughts.., posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 17:08:06
Toomuchpain...you say former therapist....how long since he was your T???? This may be helpful towards a relationship if you want one...just sex is...just sex plain old sex....but if youre in love with the guy..well has time passed since he was your T??? And how are YOU??? youre very quiet or..not on?
Hugs
Posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 23:59:36
In reply to Re: umm these thoughts.. » toomuchpain, posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 19:45:08
well it has been almost 2 months i guess now .. i want really what ever i can get from him sex or a realtionship i would prefer a realtionship.. i am totally in love with him .. HEAD OVER HEALS !!!!
since i have a new therapist and all now things have gotten rough .. i still feel pain from me seprateing from him .. i just want him in my life and i guess in reality i would happy if he was just my therapist again ...
confusion overwheles my mind .. and drives my heart crazy .. i am scared because no other man intrestes me ... i dont want no other man .. i have told myself before when i started thinking about all this that i wanted to wait for him however long it would take to have something with him ... is that crazy???
i guess i am just rambling here cus my heart says one thing to go for him and of course my mind is saying girl u need to up and think about all this dont do it!!!
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 0:08:35
In reply to Re: umm these thoughts.., posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 23:59:36
Two months may be too soon. Any way you can go back to him and talk this out? I DO know how you feel...dig my screen name here :) So I KNOW but you really dont want to make a move if he dont want it...I know, I would not...can you call or email him and touch on if he wants to stay in contact???
Posted by tinydancer on March 6, 2004, at 1:59:38
In reply to umm these thoughts.., posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 17:08:06
> then there were other times that i have saw him looking at me cheast ..
All guys stare at breasts, irregardless of who owns them. I just think some are better at hiding it than others. I can't extract anything sexual out of a man stealing a glance at my breasts.
One of my favorite funny books, Sein Language by Jerry Seinfeld, he writes about shoes and breasts. Seeing breasts for men is like women seeing shoes. You can't NOT look.
LOL!
Posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 3:16:04
In reply to Re: umm these thoughts.., posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 23:59:36
I hate to be the wet blanket...but I think what your former therapist is doing is pretty unethical, especially 2 months after termination of therapy. I am also pretty sure that the law (American law) says that a therapist and a client can't engage in a romantic relationship until 2 years has passed since the termination of therapy. I don't want to see you end up getting hurt. Maybe you should just let this one go.
Elle
Posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 8:13:36
In reply to Too Much Pain..., posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 3:16:04
well i am going to speak him to him tomorrow which is monday at the off ice and see if i him and i cant talk about all this confusion and shit ... i wonder now if he didnt transfer me just to get with me after i left ...
i think to myself i trusted him for 3 yrs how can i trust someone like that ...... i know he is human but i guess i thought he was different and not let his personal feelings get involed ...
Posted by fallsfall on March 7, 2004, at 9:28:16
In reply to Re: Too Much Pain..., posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 8:13:36
I wish you the best. I send you my support in hopes that it will help you to be brave. Sounds like a tough session.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 7, 2004, at 13:00:51
In reply to Re: Too Much Pain..., posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 8:13:36
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 7, 2004, at 19:04:51
In reply to umm these thoughts.., posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 17:08:06
Posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 21:58:49
In reply to Youre in my prayers tonight for Monday (nm), posted by Fallen4myT on March 7, 2004, at 19:04:51
ok now it is sunday eastren standered time 10:57 pm ... i am gettin so nervous about monday ... maybe i shouldnt talk to him ... ((((scream)))) i am going insane i need to take of this before i lose my mind
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 7, 2004, at 23:27:56
In reply to scared, posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 21:58:49
Hon, PLEASE talk to him you need to get this off your chest or it will go on and on and on in your mind. You really need to do this and what I know of you you CAN do it. Insane I understand :) I am there but you will not seriously go insane your mind will race and you will ruminate on this endlessly until you get it over with. THIS I know cause I do it a lot and I have to force myself to get stuff over...it always works out better than I had built it up to be in my head
HUGS AND MANY PRAYERS
Posted by fallsfall on March 8, 2004, at 6:26:53
In reply to scared, posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 21:58:49
Toomuchpain,
I think that I can understand some of the feelings that you are having. I haven't seen my old therapist for 8 months now - and I'm still scared that I might bump into her when I'm in to see my pdoc. In some ways I would love to talk to her, but I'm afraid of what she would say, and what she would not say. It would be nice to feel like there was some closure, though.
If I remember correctly, the two of you had talked about your attraction to him. So that subject is out in the open already. You wouldn't be introducing him to something that hasn't been talked about before.
Maybe you could go there and ask for his help. Tell him that you are unhappy because you miss him, and that you really don't know what to think about the future. Tell him that you really don't like your new therapist, and how she doesn't seem to think that you should be having a problem getting used to not being his client anymore. Obviously, he does care about you (but I'm not really clear on exactly what that means for him, and I'm not sure you are either) - I believe that he would want you to be able to go on with your life (whether that includes him or not). He knows you pretty well (3 years...). He IS a professional.
Ask him to answer for himself if he ever sees a future for the two of you (but you would have to be prepared for him to say "no". - But at this point, wouldn't it be better to hear "no" than to keep on not knowing?? You have seen how painful not knowing can be).
Ask him, as a professional therapist, what he would recommend for you, his former client. How can he advise you to be able to move past your attraction to him (or how long would you have to wait for him to be "free")? What should you do about the fact that you don't like your current therapist? What should you do about the fact that many of us here on Babble have suggested that what she is doing seems not only to not help you, but to be counter-productive?
I would expect that there is no way that he could go back to being your therapist. But that doesn't mean that, in this one session, he can't help you figure out what to do in order to get out of the agony that you are in.
The hard part, from my perspective, will be to ask the hard questions and be open to hearing the answers you don't want to hear. Sometimes the facts are really hard to face. But at least if you know the facts you can start to figure out how to deal with what is going on in your life.
Can someone drive you to this appointment? So you won't have to drive home? So you will have some moral support sitting in the waiting room - ready when you come out?
I'm going to go on record as betting that he does care about you, and that he doesn't want you to continue to be unhappy. I would bet that he will try to help you figure out what your next steps should be to get yourself in a place where you can go on with your life. I think that this would make you happier than you are now.
Be brave, be honest, be open to hearing what he has to say.
(((((Tooooooooomuchpain)))))
I wish you luck.
Falls.
Posted by toomuchpain on March 8, 2004, at 10:15:49
In reply to Re: scared » toomuchpain, posted by fallsfall on March 8, 2004, at 6:26:53
well i am cryin my eyes out and nothing is ever going to be the same ...
i went to my former t and see if he had any spare time to speak to me today or tomorrow and he checked and he siad yea well i went in and told him what was on mind about everything .. i cant belive him in the middle of all of my speaking about my feelings and ?s i had for him he goes i cant talk about this and he said he had things he had to do ... and told me i need leave ... umm i dont understand what kind of signs would u guys get from that ...
i went into the waiting room to see my new t ..with tears runnin down my face and i was shaking and there was my former t in the break room which is next to my new ts office drinking coffee chattin and laughing about something ... my whole session i couls hear him laughing and talking i hate it ... i hate him anymore ...
how can someone that care for and trusted with my life be so creul?
Posted by Dinah on March 8, 2004, at 10:35:33
In reply to what a joke, posted by toomuchpain on March 8, 2004, at 10:15:49
I think I would see it as a statement of boundaries. And I think I would try to find a therapist somewhere where I didn't have to see my old therapist at all.
And I'm sorry. It hurts to open your heart to someone and have it poorly received.
But maybe it's time for you to move on and try to put this behind you? Perhaps with the help of a therapist not connected to this clinic? Do you have any realistic choices? Can you go elsewhere?
Posted by antigua on March 8, 2004, at 10:58:42
In reply to what a joke, posted by toomuchpain on March 8, 2004, at 10:15:49
I am so very sorry for you that your old T treated you that way. It's horrible to open yourself up just to be rejected. He obviously has some issues of his own when it comes to you, so please, please, please try to see that none of this is your fault at all. Maybe you should report him to some authority or something. More importantly, what do you want to do?
Again, I'm really sorry you have to go through this.
antigua
Posted by Raindancer on March 8, 2004, at 11:15:02
In reply to what a joke, posted by toomuchpain on March 8, 2004, at 10:15:49
I am so sorry you have to go through this. Your former T obviously has problems of his own and you are not to blame for any of that. I agree that you need to be out of there if at all possible and with a new T who can give you the empathy and concern that are your due and can give you a whole new perspective in life. You were brave enough to open your heart and it is sad that your former T was unable to show courage equal to yours. You have shown yourself to be strong and I am proud of you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You deserve the very best.
(((((Toomuchpain))))).
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 8, 2004, at 13:16:28
In reply to Re: I'm sorry » toomuchpain, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2004, at 10:35:33
Awww TooMuch I am sooo sorry REALLY SO SORRY. I hope maybe he was so maybe scared or didnt know HOW to handle it that he dismissed you as not to say or do anything more to harm youeven more. MAYBE I give people too many chances but it may be *it has zero to do with you and more to do with him* and how he didn't know how to handle it so he ended the session,.like he ran in a way,,,THEN he went into the breakroom and just tried to get back to normal for him, joking and stuff with coworkers. He was not loling in the room about you my guess is he just tried to move on from his discomfort. Now, understanding this doesnt FIX your pain and I am so sorry but I am with Dinah I really would seek another clinic cause you will be so upset at sessions with the other T having to bump into HIM that that will affect your work with your new T. For you, please see a new T and talk this out. IAM BEYOND SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN. I hurt for you cause I know how I would feel in your place :*(
Posted by fallsfall on March 8, 2004, at 15:17:08
In reply to what a joke, posted by toomuchpain on March 8, 2004, at 10:15:49
I think that he behaved very unprofessionally, and I am so sorry that you have to bear the pain of that.
I hope that you will seriously consider going to a therapist who isn't connected with that clinic. Your new therapist should help you to process this pain. When I switched therapists, he spent months listening to me wailing about my old therapist - and he helped me to understand some possibilities that I hadn't considered, and he made sure that I knew that he wouldn't do to me what she did to me. Your current therapist doesn't seem to be helping you with this stuff - you need someone who will help you.
(((((TooMuchPain)))))
I'm sorry.
Posted by Crooked Heart on March 9, 2004, at 4:15:11
In reply to what a joke, posted by toomuchpain on March 8, 2004, at 10:15:49
((((toomuchpain))))
I am so sorry. Your former t sounds like a complete coward and totally unprofessional. He is obviously way out of his depth in his job. The only good thing is that you're better off hating him than needing him. How could he be so brutal, to anyone, let alone someone who had been his client? Just scared sh*tless I guess.
About the very loud laughing and talking afterwards, I'm sure Fallen's got it right. Not laughing about you, just someone in a situation where they know they haven't handled it properly, they've done harm, and trying to reassure themselves, 'yeah, of COURSE everything's fine, I am too'. But he's the therapist and he didn't handle it properly and he's betrayed your trust.
Can't add to the good advice that everyone else has given. Just to let you know that I'm thinking about you. Keep posting ((((toomuchpain))))
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