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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 116. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tinydancer on March 2, 2004, at 12:30:37
Would you want one in the first place? I have been in an on again off again discussion with my T about having a picture of him. He is kind of reluctant but in his usual grace has not said no or yes to it, he is kind of thinking on it still. I guess I think of it as being a sort of "comfort item". A reminder that some one cares and is there for you. I have this object consistency problem, it is like the minute I walk out of the office, I can't be certain what he said, and what he didn't say. The same is true for other friends. (Uh, friend.) I always want pictures of everyone who I care about. It isn't a romantic thing, it is more of a reminder that person cares about me.
I actually had him agree to take a picture with me on the final day of this treatment I was in with him, but he had to fly out on business so he wasn't there. Talk about a major shot to the heart. I would feel too stupid just going in to his office and taking a picture of him, but if he said it was okay I could probably "manage"..haha...
Those who do have a picture, how did you get it and why do you have it? Why is it important to you?
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:36:52
In reply to Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by tinydancer on March 2, 2004, at 12:30:37
No, I don't. And yes, I would like one as a transitional object, plus I never remember what he looks like. I don't want to intrude on his personal space by asking so I watch the newspaper in case he ever shows up.
I did figure it was perfectly legitimate to ask him to make a guided relaxation tape for me, and he did. So that's my transitional object. I know him more by his voice than his face anyway.
Posted by fallsfall on March 2, 2004, at 17:30:12
In reply to Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by tinydancer on March 2, 2004, at 12:30:37
Yes, I have a picture of him. It was on a web page about a business that he was connected to. It is a real "therapist" picture - complete with his blank slate look.
I have printed it out and keep it on my headboard. Sometimes I carry it in my pocket.
I didn't have a picture of my old therapist and I always wanted one. When I used to search the internet for her, what I was really looking for was a picture.
Yes, it is very important to me.
Posted by pegasus on March 2, 2004, at 17:50:30
In reply to Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by tinydancer on March 2, 2004, at 12:30:37
Not only do I have a picture, I have a video! Of my old T, not my new one. I haven't developed a desire for any pictures of my new one so far.
I actually have two pictures, both of which I got on the internet. In one he looks like he's about 10 years younger, and actually I don't like it at all. The other one is much better. I took the video during our last session, with my digital camera. It's only 30 seconds long. He was not really into the video idea, but he graciously went along with it for my sake. So I have him babbling on, very seriously about how he hopes I'll keep working on things even when it's hard, etc. My favorite part is at the end I say, "Your time's almost up." And he says, "Good." And then it ends.
I have only watched it a couple of times since I took it, but I *love* the fact that he let me take it. And I like that he's all uncomfortable in the video. It reminds me that he's just a regular guy. You know how sometimes your therapist becomes so super important? And then you show up in their office, and remember that they're just a person? The video does remind me what he's like. Plus, in my video I actually like what he says, even though he was kind of reaching to come up with something wise.
He's just so much himself.- p
Posted by rs on March 2, 2004, at 18:51:32
In reply to Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by tinydancer on March 2, 2004, at 12:30:37
No do not have a picture of T and you know do not think would want one. First get angry at him sometimes and think if was to look at him would make that worse. Silly. But old T moved and yes wish had his picture. For many reasons. He did make a wonderful tape before he left. But got damaged. Also when it was last session he let pick out something from his office. Took this stuff animal that was used often. But about year ago was so hurt by him leaving threw it out. Regret that much.
Posted by tinydancer on March 3, 2004, at 4:13:15
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » tinydancer, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:36:52
If I had a tape of my T guiding me through relaxation process, I don't think I would be doing much relaxing...(evil grin)
His voice is way too..umm...sensual (!) to ever be able to actually relax to in that sense, it just makes me think of SEX.
Hee! (It's totally true, though.)
Posted by tinydancer on March 3, 2004, at 4:15:14
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » tinydancer, posted by fallsfall on March 2, 2004, at 17:30:12
I think its hilarious..."A real therapist picture complete with his blank slate look"...
Fallsfall, would you ever consider just asking outright if you may have a photo of them?
Posted by tinydancer on March 3, 2004, at 4:18:18
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by pegasus on March 2, 2004, at 17:50:30
I love the video idea. I especially liked your description of his behavior, the babbling in front of the camera. I can understand getting comfort out of the fact that he is uncomfortable in the video. That it helps you to remember he is just a normal guy. I most of all love the idea that you have a video where you feel you captured him just being himself. That is great!
What exactly did you say to him-Can I film you? Did he set any rules for it?
Posted by fallsfall on March 3, 2004, at 10:33:29
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » fallsfall, posted by tinydancer on March 3, 2004, at 4:15:14
I was afraid to ask my first therapist for a picture. She used to read all my journalling, and I think that someplace I slipped in that what I really wanted to find on the internet was a picture. But, of course, she didn't offer one. She would have seen that request as more "evidence" of my pathalogical dependency. When I displayed, rather than fought, my dependency I was punished (she reduced my sessions). So I couldn't ask her.
My friend's therapist had an ad in the paper with her picture - so I have a friend who has always had a picture - and I was so jealous. She likes having the picture, but doesn't "need" it like I do.
I had the picture of my current therapist before I saw him the first time. He knows I have it, and that I've printed it, and that I keep it on my headboard. I haven't told him that I fall asleep holding it when I feel needy.
If I had to change therapists (what an awful thought), I think that I would ask for a picture at the very beginning and say that it was helpful to me before. I'd want to get the request in before they could say "and what is prompting this request?"
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 10:37:30
In reply to Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by tinydancer on March 2, 2004, at 12:30:37
Hey TinyDancer I have a picture of my T I got it from the NET and I need a newer one but its nice to have. I have it because I am so in love with him but also cause just like a picture of my cat it brings me a sort of comfort and I sometimes smile when I look at it or am indifferent at others...its cool. You should ask your T again..thats my opinion. Tell him you will not mishandle it. I so adore my T. Maybe your T will read this...didnt you say he found you??? and then he will finally fork out a picture of himself
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 10:39:35
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » tinydancer, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:36:52
I LIKE the tape idea I will have to ask my T IN TIME but not now lol
Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2004, at 10:50:08
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » Dinah, posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 10:39:35
I asked him right before he was going out of town. It was a totally natural moment to ask.
Posted by pegasus on March 3, 2004, at 10:59:27
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » pegasus, posted by tinydancer on March 3, 2004, at 4:18:18
I just said "Can I ask you for a favor?" He thought I was going to ask to hug him. Then I just asked if I could take a short video of him. See, the trick is you always ask them something they'll say "yes" to first. Then you ask the thing you're afraid they'll say no to. It works most of the time. Try it!
He did jokingly mention that he didn't want me to post my video on the internet. Which, of course, I would never do. Although I'd love to show you guys. But I'll honor that concern of his.
He was the one who wanted to come up with something wise to say in the video. I didn't care if he just told a joke, or said goodbye to me, or whatever. Of course, the perfect thing would have been if he'd told me how much he liked me and that he'd miss me or something, but that's just dreaming. So, the fact that he chose to try to give me some type of pithy wisdom was part of him just being himself.
- p
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 12:15:11
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » Fallen4myT, posted by Dinah on March 3, 2004, at 10:50:08
I think its cool I am just too shy I think..I have to find a GOOD moment whatever that is lol
> I asked him right before he was going out of town. It was a totally natural moment to ask.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 12:19:02
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » tinydancer, posted by fallsfall on March 2, 2004, at 17:30:12
Hi I have to ask...do you have a S/O??????? ? My husband would kill me if I put a pick of my T on our headboard..but I think its cool and wish I could.
Posted by KindGirl on March 3, 2004, at 14:45:14
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » Fallen4myT, posted by Dinah on March 3, 2004, at 10:50:08
Okay here is the deal. I brought my camera one day in the initial phase of therapy (didn't know any better I guess!) and just asked her at the end of the session..."Could we take a picture together?" and we put our heads together while I did the extending the arm thing. I wanted the picture more than I cared about being embarrassed. I have it framed in my room and look at it all the time.
Also, this is what I think is pretty unusual about my T......she gave me a picture of herself sitting on a bench right before she left for vacation. She also gave me a tape of her reading a story to me to listen to when she was gone. At first I said, "Ooh, get this away from me! This is creepy! How dare she think I would want a picture of her and I didn't even ask!"...and guess what? It is on my nightstand and I look at it all the time.
Just ask...that is what I would say. A lot of us have different T.s with VERY different ideas of bonding, holding, transference, boundaries....I guess you need to listen to YOUR HEART and do what feels right. If you are really really wanting it, ask for it...call and leave a message on his machine or ask him in a card you give him at the end of the session...something...
I have a picture of her from the internet too.You guys are so cute and make me feel soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better because I struggle with so many things you all address.
Thanks so much
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 16:58:24
In reply to Yes I do! Two in fact! Don't hate me everyone..., posted by KindGirl on March 3, 2004, at 14:45:14
Kindgirl if I didn't like you SO much I would hate you.lol....two pics and one not asked for a tape etc...I am sooooo jealous I could scream :) I would pay someone to sneaky get a new pic of my T smiling but I could not ask....and IF I had it by my bed my husband would kill me and tear it up :P Your T sounds soooooo nuturing. I wonder what my T would do if I asked..I have thought of stealing things of his for a while but havent yet....maybe cant but man I AM SOOOOO JEALOUS ,,,but happy for you
Posted by fallsfall on March 3, 2004, at 20:02:52
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » fallsfall, posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 12:19:02
I am separated. So the headboard belongs to only me.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 20:07:36
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » Fallen4myT, posted by fallsfall on March 3, 2004, at 20:02:52
Now I am jealous of you AND KindGirl...I bet thats cool. Wish I could do that and have a tape of Ts voice..Thanks for the reply :)
Posted by Apperceptor on March 4, 2004, at 20:55:14
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? (nm), posted by terrics on March 4, 2004, at 14:43:11
Hi-
I am currently in a Ph.D. program for clinical psychology, and I find this thread extremely disturbing. If you wonder why therapists may be hesitant to continue working with you or seem distant, try to remember that we are human, and in fact, these requests are extremely disturbing and can cause quick burnout.
It takes a very strong psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist to work with somebody who has Borderline Personality Disorder, and you are not making it any easier by asking for these bizarre, inappropriate favors. Would you ask your optometrist for his or her picture? Probably not. So try to give your therapists the same respect. We have spines too, and with that comes the ability to feel chills run up and down it with these...for lack of a better word, creepy...requests.
The majority of psychologists and LCSWs, as well as many psychiatrists, receive training in psychoanalytic approaches as part of their education. While not all agree with these approaches, there is a general theme to be very cautious with issues of transference, where the patient/client transfers sexual/loving/hating/etc feelings onto the clinician. I guarantee you that transference is the first issue that would come to most professional minds with these horrid invasions of privacy. Not only do these teenybopper crushes create severe ethical dilemmas, they also are extremely insulting. You should be ashamed of yourselves for treating your therapists like your children...they put up with enough already. I pray, above all else, that your therapists have the acumen and training to handle you appropriately. If you set foot in my office, I would drop you off my client list before you could develop a Polaroid.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 4, 2004, at 22:22:53
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by Apperceptor on March 4, 2004, at 20:55:14
Posted by underthecs on March 4, 2004, at 22:28:59
In reply to Ignore above post if you are feeling sensitive (nm) » Apperceptor, posted by gardenergirl on March 4, 2004, at 22:22:53
Posted by underthecs on March 4, 2004, at 22:30:38
In reply to Ignore above post if you are feeling sensitive (nm) » Apperceptor, posted by gardenergirl on March 4, 2004, at 22:22:53
that post was pretty disturbing to me, so i emailed my own therapist w/a copy of it to get his reaction. will keep everyone posted.
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 4, 2004, at 22:32:39
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by Apperceptor on March 4, 2004, at 20:55:14
> these bizarre, inappropriate favors ... these...for lack of a better word, creepy...requests.
>
> these horrid invasions of privacy ... these teenybopper crushes ... are extremely insulting. You should be ashamed of yourselves for treating your therapists like your children ... If you set foot in my office, I would drop you off my client list before you could develop a Polaroid.Please be sensitive to the feelings of others and don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
If you have any questions or comments about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
or redirect a follow-up to Psycho-Babble Administration.
Posting something about your own issues and their possible role in your reaction might be an interesting exercise -- and might also help others respond to you supportively.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2004, at 23:30:10
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by Apperceptor on March 4, 2004, at 20:55:14
> If you set foot in my office, I would drop you off my client list before you could develop a Polaroid.
Well, certainly all clients are not for all therapists, and vice versa. I think it is wise of you to limit your practice to those for whom you can feel genuine compassion and empathy. My therapist always says that not much productive long term therapy can take place without caring.
And doing so quickly is even better, before the client develops any sort of attachment to you. Are you interested in short term therapy only? If not, might I recommend Deborah Lott's book "In Session"? Most therapists who do long term therapy should have more than a passing aquaintance with how to sensitively and skillfully deal with client attachment I think. That attachment takes many forms, from sexual to romantic to maternal or paternal. I've heard that it's sad but true that many academic programs don't train more fully in this area. My therapist, who does a lot of supervision, says that supervision is the key to learning the realities of clinical practice. Perhaps you should seek out a supervisor who has extra strength in the areas where you feel uncomfortable?
Have you studied attachment theory, perchance? I think you might find it informative as to types of attachment, the need for transitional objects, etc.
I'd be fascinated to learn how many more years you have until you are licensed, and what type of clinical practice you are envisioning?
By the way, if it is the sexualized transference that causes you special discomfort might I recommend an APA video?
http://www.apa.org/videos/4310570.html?CFID=2493388&CFTOKEN=89863392
I wish all the best to you and your clients in your professional endeavors.
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