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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by NikkiT2 on November 5, 2003, at 10:05:30
I was talking to a friend yesterday, regarding the death of Kay. We both said that we weren't reacting to it really, and other people had commented on it.
She spoke to her psychologist about it, and he bought up something I think she called Object Consistency.. And it really hit home with me.
Its all about how, when you're not actually with someone, you don't really feel much for them.. That when you're with the person, you love being with them, but when you're apart, you don't "miss" them. So that when someone has died, you don't react with tears etc, because you find it hard to feel so much, as you're not actually with them.
This really made SO much sense to me. I've lost contact with an awful lt of friends over the past few years, not because I wanted to, or didn't love them as much, but simply because when I'm not with them, I forget to contact them. Its the same with online friends.. if someone emails me, and I reply straight away its fine.. but if I put off my reply, I simply don't think about that person, and thus forget to contact them. I do wonder what my friends are doing and things like that, but I never feel a loss by the fact they're not with me, or that I've not seen them for 2 years.
When I went to Canada withut my husband for 2 weeks, I can't say I actually missed him. Ofcourse I told everyone I missed him terribly, but in truth, I was happy being with the friend I was with, and though I did email hubby every day, I did this because I felt I ought to.. not because I missed him. I thought I was just a heartless cow, but this concept would really explain it.
Guess I'm just trying to get the idea straight in my head.. I plan on trying to bring it up with psychologist when I see her in 3 weeks.. but whether she will say much I don't know.. And I have so much I have to bring up with her (like a return of panic attacks and agorophobia).
Anyone know anything about this?? I'm not sure I have the name of it totally right.. but its something like that!
Nikki
Posted by fallsfall on November 5, 2003, at 21:02:10
In reply to Object Consistency??, posted by NikkiT2 on November 5, 2003, at 10:05:30
I think that she may have been talking about Objects being "constant", rather than Objects being "consistent". My brain isn't working well enough to come up with more than "constancy" which doesn't look right.
Posted by Dinah on November 5, 2003, at 22:07:34
In reply to Object Consistency??, posted by NikkiT2 on November 5, 2003, at 10:05:30
Brio explained it better than I could:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031011/msgs/273439.html
It's something I think I have trouble with, as well. And I have a fair number of borderline traits. I'm planning to talk about it with my therapist to see if there's anything that would help. I imagine it's all part of his reparenting strategy though.
This is the end of the thread.
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