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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by browneyedgirl827 on November 9, 2005, at 22:08:56
Hello everyone. I've had some things on my mind for a few years now, but have kept them mostly to myself for fear of anger from my family.
I am now a sophomore in college, but my senior year of high school, I was under immense amounts of stress due to many different reasons (one of the big ones was the fact that everyone in my life very much so disliked the guy I was seriously dating at the time and I heard about their disappointment every chance they got to talk). Because of the stress and other factors, I ended up developing what seems to be restricted eating (or disordered eating). Basically it's the borderline of an eating disorder. I didn't tell anyone about my problems until winter of my freshman year. But here's the issue: When my boyfriend and I broke up, instead of telling him and everyone else in my life the real reason (the disordered eating), I told my parents that he cheated on me, when infact, he didn't. This brought my parents to hate him even more than they already did, even though I still had extremely strong feelings for him. To make a long story shorter, the boy and I are now dating again and it's beginning to get back to the level that it was before. He's the only person that I feel like I can be with at this point in my life--I care about him greatly and he makes me feel better than anyone ever has before. My parents still think that he treated me like crap when we were together before and still don't know about my eating problems. The only way I can tell them about this guy and me is if I spill the whole story. It's extremely stressful to worry about and I know that in the long run, I'm going to look back on this and think that I was just being stupid, but right now it's a big issue in my life and is starting to affect my mood. Any input of what I could do would be appreciated...I'm just at a loss.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on November 9, 2005, at 23:50:59
In reply to Just want some thoughts..., posted by browneyedgirl827 on November 9, 2005, at 22:08:56
Welcome to babble.
Sounds like a complex situation. Do you see a therapist or counselor? If not, I would highly recommend it. One of the great things abt colleges is that they typically have counseling ctrs where students can be seen for little to no $ (and the 'rents don't have to know). A counselor could be very helpful in sorting out a complex issue like this.
As for telling your parents abt your bf, I guess there are a few practical considerations, like how often you see them, talk to them, how close you are to them, etc. If you don't talk often keeping such a secret may be okay for a while.
Another possibility is that you could say something vague to your parents like, "Our breakup was a lot more complicated than I let on before. I'd rather not discuss it in detail, but I have thought about this a lot and I have decided to get back together w/ him."
Another option would be to use this as an opportunity to tell them abt your eating issues. It gives you an excuse to bring it up.
I can sympathize with your situation. I had a man that I was VERY in love with, we had an ugly break up (which was in fact his fault), and then after 1.5 yrs we sorta got back together. I didn't tell my parents b/c they always hated him and REALLY hated him after he left me. So, we eventually decided just to be friends (b/c I never really would get over the issues around the break-up) and I never told my parents. No harm done. I always figured that if I got to the point where I was sure that I was going to marry him, then I'd tell them. Since I never told them, it saved me a LOT of stress.
Hope this helps. You may also want to post on the "eating" board.
Best,
EE
Posted by Maynerd on November 14, 2005, at 18:01:54
In reply to Just want some thoughts..., posted by browneyedgirl827 on November 9, 2005, at 22:08:56
I would definately see about going to your schools counseling center to talk to someone about this. You would be surprised just how many other people in college also suffer from a eating disorder. I myself went to my counselling center for help, it was worth the trip even though it took a lot of inner strength to walk in the door the first time. I don't know what to say about telling the parental units, I still haven't shared my story with them.
Good luck with everything, I pray you find the peace and happiness you so deserve.
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