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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Miller on March 3, 2004, at 20:55:04
Hello, my friend, Dena.
Thank you for posting to me. I rarely come to this site anymore. Not that I have anything against it... I just felt very frustrated with blocking rules and what can and can't be said by whom.
Anyway, I vividly remember last Lent. I can honestly say that this Lent is going much better for me. I am still struggling with my mental issues. My biggest struggle right now is that I have to make a commitment. If I commit to the Church (Catholic) which is what I believe, I have to let go of my escape hatch, suicide. To many that probably seems like an easy give. I have had that safety net with me for all of my life. I am afraid to go on without it.
I also saw The Passion of the Christ. Such a strong movie. I felt so sorry for Judas. I felt as if I know exactly how he got himself into that mess. Essentially, I have sold Jesus many times in my life. So I could relate to his situation. I also understood why he couldn't forgive himself or beg for mercy. He knew he was too bad. I feel that way a lot.
I was so impressed by the portrayal of Simon and Mary. Mary was so strong through all of her pain. No wonder she is so protected in the hearts of so many people. Simon, with his transformation, was so representative of what we could be if we had the strength.
Anyway, I hope things are going well for you, Dena. I hope you aren't blocked now. Enjoy the Lenten season. I keep praying for you and all of us. Sometimes I am not sure that is what I should be doing, but...
I hope you are at peace, my friend.
-Miller
Posted by Dena on March 4, 2004, at 12:15:09
In reply to Dena!!!, posted by Miller on March 3, 2004, at 20:55:04
Miller -
I can't tell you what it meant to me to hear from you! I've missed you. I understand your decision to not post too often... sometimes I don't know what will be "block-worthy". I think I've been blocked for almost as long as I've been free to post! Still, I haven't felt led to leave, & I have made some dear friends through this board.
I understand what you said about being afraid of giving up your escape hatch for God. Yes, it sounds like an obvious choice, but we hold on to those things we believe will help us, & it's to my shame that I hold on to the very things that are hurting me. For me, it only shows me how little I really do trust God. I'm working through separating my earthly father from my heavenly Father... I've attributed too many of my father's shortcomings to God. Honestly, how can anyone escape their childhood without having it taint their image of God? I mean, does anyone ever come from a functional family? As a parent, I'm astonished at how easy it is to harm a child, even when you're trying to do the best for them! Anyway, it seems that learning to trust God is a life-long process, at least it's that way to me. I'd love to be able to just throw myself into His arms, no holds barred, nothing held back, no reservations... it's my prayer that He'll show me where I'm holding back & why. What I've learned so far, is that whatever I'm holding on to is based on a lie, & when He's shown me the Truth that replaces that lie, I've been set free, completely. Of course, I don't know that the lies are lies... they feel like truth to me, which is why I hold on to them, even when they're killing me.
I admire your truthfulness, your ability to admit to yourself, as well as to us, what you're struggling with. That takes courage and humility (now, don't go getting proud of your humility ;)) I'm glad to hear you're finding your way back to Church. We can't make this journey of faith alone - we're meant to be a Body. And someone else in the Body needs you - we all do.
God bless you, Miller. May He enable you to see yourself as He does.
Shalom, Dena
This is the end of the thread.
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