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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Maxime on December 13, 2006, at 22:15:22
Why do some of us have it, and other don't. Can we train ourselves to have it?
I need it.
Maxime
Posted by karen_kay on December 14, 2006, at 6:47:34
In reply to WANTED: Self Esteem, posted by Maxime on December 13, 2006, at 22:15:22
i was raised being told on a fairly regular basis things like 'you're too fat for a two-piece swimsuit (at about age 6)', 'you're not pretty and you're not special (not sure that one came word for word, but that's the basic idea of what i 'heard' when she spoke to me). in high school, i hated myself. even longer after that. but, it jsut started a little bit at a time. i've alwyas known my eyes are pretty, so i'd tell myself 'if everything else in the world goes to sh*t, your eyes will still be brown and beautiful' i think my self esteem was built, by me (wouldn't credit anyone else for helping too much, as i wasn't around anyone in particular for a long amount of time) aafter high school, during college. and i must say, i do hold myself in very high esteem, so it must work (some may say i'm narcisistic, but i wouldn't go that far.) but, i do enjoy my reflection in the mirror, makeup or none. and i'm very happy about that, considering 5 - 10 years ago i hated the way i looked so much, i didn't even think i looked human at the time. now, every time i see a mirror, i check myself out.)
funny how parents can screw you up, isn't it?
so, start with something about yourself you really like and add to the list, until you love every dimple, curve, and inch of skin on your body.
Posted by ClearSkies on December 14, 2006, at 10:01:09
In reply to sure, you can learn it, posted by karen_kay on December 14, 2006, at 6:47:34
Maxine, can you post something to this?
>
> so, start with something about yourself you really like and add to the list, until you love every dimple, curve, and inch of skin on your body.I finally have good looking teeth.
CS
Posted by Maxime on December 14, 2006, at 16:26:46
In reply to sure, you can learn it, posted by karen_kay on December 14, 2006, at 6:47:34
I have anorexia. I am not ready to embrace my body yet. It disgusts me. I think I need to start with smaller steps. :)
Maxime
> i was raised being told on a fairly regular basis things like 'you're too fat for a two-piece swimsuit (at about age 6)', 'you're not pretty and you're not special (not sure that one came word for word, but that's the basic idea of what i 'heard' when she spoke to me). in high school, i hated myself. even longer after that. but, it jsut started a little bit at a time. i've alwyas known my eyes are pretty, so i'd tell myself 'if everything else in the world goes to sh*t, your eyes will still be brown and beautiful' i think my self esteem was built, by me (wouldn't credit anyone else for helping too much, as i wasn't around anyone in particular for a long amount of time) aafter high school, during college. and i must say, i do hold myself in very high esteem, so it must work (some may say i'm narcisistic, but i wouldn't go that far.) but, i do enjoy my reflection in the mirror, makeup or none. and i'm very happy about that, considering 5 - 10 years ago i hated the way i looked so much, i didn't even think i looked human at the time. now, every time i see a mirror, i check myself out.)
>
> funny how parents can screw you up, isn't it?
>
> so, start with something about yourself you really like and add to the list, until you love every dimple, curve, and inch of skin on your body.
Posted by Maxime on December 14, 2006, at 16:29:01
In reply to I think it's time for me to do this exercise, posted by ClearSkies on December 14, 2006, at 10:01:09
> Maxine, can you post something to this?
>
> >
> > so, start with something about yourself you really like and add to the list, until you love every dimple, curve, and inch of skin on your body.
>
> I finally have good looking teeth.
> CS
>No, no I can't! I hate the way I look. I am fat and ugly and short! I starve and abuse laxatives and ephedra. That's my reality.
I hate it.
I'm glad you were able to come up with something. :)
Maxime
Posted by ClearSkies on December 14, 2006, at 18:50:38
In reply to Re: I think it's time for me to do this exercise » ClearSkies, posted by Maxime on December 14, 2006, at 16:29:01
Wait - how about your knees? Do you have nice knees? Or the instep of your foot? Or your ears? Do you have soft skin, or hair that behaves, or lips that aren't chapped?
What colour are your eyes, Maxime? I bet that they are beautiful.CS
Posted by Phillipa on December 14, 2006, at 22:08:11
In reply to Re: I think it's time for me to do this exercise » Maxime, posted by ClearSkies on December 14, 2006, at 18:50:38
Oh I have pretty blue eyes,rode my always 7.5miles on my bike today. Love Phillipa
Posted by ClearSkies on December 14, 2006, at 22:47:07
In reply to Re: I think it's time for me to do this exercise » ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on December 14, 2006, at 22:08:11
That's great - how many towns did you ride through??
Posted by Phillipa on December 14, 2006, at 23:19:44
In reply to Re: I think it's time for me to do this exercise » ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on December 14, 2006, at 22:08:11
Ha Ha I used to ride 20miles when Greg worked. This is only three neighborhoods. Love Phillipa ps isn't excercise supposed to help me sleep?
Posted by ClearSkies on December 15, 2006, at 0:27:48
In reply to Re: I think it's time for me to do this exercise » Phillipa, posted by Phillipa on December 14, 2006, at 23:19:44
So they say. It only ever makes me super energized and famished for whatever food is in front of me.
Great incentive - let's see how quickly I can undo the physical benefits of exercise???!!!
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 15, 2006, at 7:58:35
In reply to Re: I think it's time for me to do this exercise » Phillipa, posted by ClearSkies on December 15, 2006, at 0:27:48
I used this body butter stuff yesterday after my shower. Usually I just try to get ready as fast as possible. Today, I feel nice because my skin is very soft. It's hard to have soft skin in the winter. This gives me a feeling of accomplishment.
Maxime, have you got anything like that?
-Ll
Posted by Maxime on December 15, 2006, at 16:59:41
In reply to Maxime, try this?, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 15, 2006, at 7:58:35
> I used this body butter stuff yesterday after my shower. Usually I just try to get ready as fast as possible. Today, I feel nice because my skin is very soft. It's hard to have soft skin in the winter. This gives me a feeling of accomplishment.
>
> Maxime, have you got anything like that?
>
> -LlNo, I don't deserve nice things. I am not allowed to pamper myself. I wish I could. But I don't feel worthwhile.
It does sound nice though.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 15, 2006, at 17:01:40
In reply to Re: I think it's time for me to do this exercise » Maxime, posted by ClearSkies on December 14, 2006, at 18:50:38
> Wait - how about your knees? Do you have nice knees? Or the instep of your foot? Or your ears? Do you have soft skin, or hair that behaves, or lips that aren't chapped?
> What colour are your eyes, Maxime? I bet that they are beautiful.
>
> CSYou are too sweet. :)
I look like a Hobbit. :( I've never been called pretty or beautiful. Seriously. Not even by my parents.
Maxime
Posted by Phillipa on December 15, 2006, at 20:51:46
In reply to Re: I think it's time for me to do this exercise » ClearSkies, posted by Maxime on December 15, 2006, at 17:01:40
Maxie I'm trying to learn that looks aren't everything. And a great mind which I know you have is far more worth while. But I still use nice lotions. To help me feel better and let me see I'm worth it. Love Phillipa
Posted by madeline on December 16, 2006, at 6:03:08
In reply to WANTED: Self Esteem, posted by Maxime on December 13, 2006, at 22:15:22
You can develop your own self-esteem, but it usually requires being willing to write over those endlessly looping tapes we play in our heads.
You know those tapes, the ones where we say we are fat, ugly, worthless, needy etc...
It was funny, but the thing that really helped me the most was to just simply write my name over and over again.
I even bought a little nameplate to hang from my rear view mirror in the car.
It was like reminding myself that I am a person, I exist and I am not the nothing or the nobody everyone told me I was.
Then I started writing "I am Madeline". Adding that verb to that sentence really helped.
I will also admit that therapy really helped. Lots and lots of psychotherapy.
Maddie
Posted by Cecilia on December 21, 2006, at 8:20:57
In reply to Re: WANTED: Self Esteem » Maxime, posted by madeline on December 16, 2006, at 6:03:08
For me, therapy totally destroyed whatever miniscule shred of self esteem I started with. When you discover that the T, who you're paying big bucks to pretend to care about you, really hates you, it doesn't leave much to work with. Cecilia
Posted by LJRen on December 21, 2006, at 23:31:53
In reply to Re: WANTED: Self Esteem, posted by Cecilia on December 21, 2006, at 8:20:57
> For me, therapy totally destroyed whatever miniscule shred of self esteem I started with. When you discover that the T, who you're paying big bucks to pretend to care about you, really hates you, it doesn't leave much to work with. Cecilia
Umm Cecilia, that's when you find a new therapist sweetie. Sorry to be so blunt about it, but I've had well, I think at least 5 Ts over the past 12 years. They come in all shapes and sizes, personalities and styles, colors and fashions. Keep looking til you find one that fits.
Ren
Posted by LJRen on December 22, 2006, at 0:39:10
In reply to Re: I think it's time for me to do this exercise » ClearSkies, posted by Maxime on December 15, 2006, at 17:01:40
> I look like a Hobbit. :( I've never been called pretty or beautiful. Seriously. Not even by my parents.
>
> MaximeWow, your feet are really that hairy?!?!?!!
Please tell me I at least got a chuckle from that. :)Hey, Elijah Wood was a hobbit and he has some pretty nice eyes. Not that I'm going to agree with you in any way that you look like a hobbit.
In another post you said:
>No, I don't deserve nice things. I am not allowed to pamper myself. I wish I could. But I don't feel worthwhile.<I think that right there is one of those "endlessly looping tapes" that Maddie was referring to in her post.
Why do you feel this way? What Godlike figure came down out of the blue sky and shook his giant finger at you and told you these things? Tell me so I can go kick his colossal butt.I fight the beauty blues too. Mom never told me I was pretty or anything. Even when I complained about my looks, she never said a thing to try to booster me. But hey, I'll try the pick one thing exercise b/c my eyes are okay. I'm sure you can find something too somewhere on your body that you kinda like... a nice fingernail, a cute freckle, the shape of your little toe.
We all want self-esteem, sugar. But it's not gonna come to us gift wrapped underneath the Christmas tree (damn, wouldn't that be nice). It's something we gotta do ourselves. We have to work at it but first you have to open up to the possibility of believing something different about yourself. That stuff you said up there is what they call "false-truths". You believe it to be true beyond a shadow of a doubt, but I'm here to tell you (and I think everyone out there in Babbleville will agree) it is most definitely, undeniably false. So stop prayin to the deity that's fillin your head with that crap and go find a new religion. This one's not good for your health. ;)
Take a baby step in building your self-esteem today. I'm not gonna ask you to say any affirmations that you don't believe. I simply ask that you don't say stuff like you said up there. You may not realize it, but continuing to say those sort of things is really like beating your heart & soul with a sledgehammer. Now why would you want to go and do a silly thing like that?
BTW, it's a simple fact:
You're human, therefore - you're worthwhile.
Now that's a truth to worship.Take it easy on yourself sweetie,
Ren
Posted by LJRen on December 22, 2006, at 0:42:30
In reply to Re: I think it's time for me to do this exercise, posted by LJRen on December 22, 2006, at 0:39:10
Posted by Maxime on December 24, 2006, at 1:28:11
In reply to Re: I think it's time for me to do this exercise, posted by LJRen on December 22, 2006, at 0:39:10
I was blocked and couldn't post ... sorry.
Yeah, I don't expect self-esteem to be handed to me on a platter. But it would be nice if it was a little easier.
Maxime
Posted by elanor roosevelt on January 15, 2007, at 9:31:03
In reply to Re: WANTED: Self Esteem » Cecilia, posted by LJRen on December 21, 2006, at 23:31:53
your therapist sucks
get a new one
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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