![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 11, 2006, at 13:36:55
One of my very good friends has been increasingly incommunicato this fall. I know she's busy, but when she does go on coffee break, she often "forgets" to stop by my office to ask me too.
I think she has some private issues, but I hoped that we were close enough that she could give me a heads-up. I know we've shared a lot of personal info in the past.
Oh well... It still hurts, and I wonder why I'm not 'popular' any more. :(
More and more grad students from my cohort have been leaving for jobs and such, and so my group of happy-hour and dinner party buddies has dwindled to an alarming minority.
I don't like being lonely :(
I miss my friends, and miss the ones who are still 'here' but not 'here' get it?
Diss progress or lack thereof is always very closely correlated with my self-esteem.
Feeling sad about other stuff is always a good cue for me to feel bad about myself. I lapse into depressive self-loathing as quickly as it takes to say "I'm having a bad day".
The need to start taking BZD daily this last week is also an assault on my self-esteem. I thought I was doing better with depersonalizaton/dissociation/anxiety/panic attacks. oh well. I'm still vulnerable. very vulnerable. I HATE feeling crazy, which I spent most of the last 3 days feeling.
Another thing----
My T, and pdoc, and esp. my parents have been extremely flattering lately, saying things like I'm brave, I'm really doing well, I'm doing a lot of hard work, I'm strong, I'm smart, I'm loveable, I'm courageous, I'm creative... etc.
WHY don't these kind words matter to me? why do they feel so repulsive? SO hard to take those things to heart. I'm just about saturated. If I hear another word of it, I might just barf! but WHY?
hmm
-Ll
Posted by ClearSkies on December 11, 2006, at 20:30:54
In reply to Assaults to my self-esteem, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 11, 2006, at 13:36:55
It really does not take much to tip the balance for me from being getting-there-semi-adjusted to feeling like I'm what's scraped from the bottom of one's shoe. This recovery, or treatment, or inner work stuff is long term. I'm too easily able to switch back into the familiar habits of feeling (which is knowing, at the time) that nothing has really changed or improved.
I'm at that place right now. Can I keep you company?
CS
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 11, 2006, at 21:45:36
In reply to Re: Assaults to my self-esteem » LlurpsieBlossom, posted by ClearSkies on December 11, 2006, at 20:30:54
huh? what place ? ;o)
>
> I'm at that place right now. Can I keep you company?
> CS
Posted by Declan on December 12, 2006, at 14:46:18
In reply to Assaults to my self-esteem, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 11, 2006, at 13:36:55
It's very impressive (to me) that people work and have offices and play violins, and I hope they can continue to do so. We are vulnerable, and therefore we need to look after ourselves and each other.
On the panic/depersonalisaion front, there are certainly drugs to settle you down, but not so many that make you feel normal. If you can lead your (I assume busy) life on your meds, that's great. You must have good reasons to take them.
If I could have my time over again I would take the advice of my parents and avoid psychiatrists, and maybe try (what wasn't an option then) traditional Chinese medicine or similar stuff. I was just fearful. But fear early on leads to depression much later, perhaps.
Now with the DSM there's no trouble boxing and branding. I'm not exactly saying I want to return to the Middle ages, but a nice sinecure in C16 Prague would be OK.
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 16:20:01
In reply to Re: Assaults to my self-esteem, posted by Declan on December 12, 2006, at 14:46:18
> It's very impressive (to me) that people work and have offices and play violins, and I hope they can continue to do so. We are vulnerable, and therefore we need to look after ourselves and each other.
Declan, if you've got a place to park your person and a tool like a pen, or a computer, or a piece of paper. You've got an office too! I remember one of my friends wants to be reincarnated as a knickknack on my desk. Current knickknacks include a plush ladybug and a plush teddybear dressed as a lady bug, a card of a white kitty wearing a diamond tiara and collar, and my personal favorite, an piece of memory foam molded in the shape of a left human ear, about 3 times life sized. My Piglet puppet has fallen on the floor behind my desk (it's hibernating for the winter).
>
> On the panic/depersonalisaion front, there are certainly drugs to settle you down, but not so many that make you feel normal. If you can lead your (I assume busy) life on your meds, that's great. You must have good reasons to take them.yes, I think you're right. life is busy (procrastinating and babbling) but yeah, I'm busy, so I guess that's good. I take them so that my mind will be calm enough to hold at least 2 bits of information in working memory for 5 seconds. That's all.
> If I could have my time over again I would take the advice of my parents and avoid psychiatrists, and maybe try (what wasn't an option then) traditional Chinese medicine or similar stuff. I was just fearful. But fear early on leads to depression much later, perhaps.
Your parents had good advice? wow, you're lucky! fear definitely precurses my depression.
>
> Now with the DSM there's no trouble boxing and branding. I'm not exactly saying I want to return to the Middle ages, but a nice sinecure in C16 Prague would be OK.what is this C16 Prague thing?
do tell.
p.s. I wrote about how my self esteems are assaulting each other on the psychology board. yuck. hate the thought that I created this insanity.
Posted by Happyflower on December 12, 2006, at 17:42:12
In reply to Re: Assaults to my self-esteem » Declan, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 16:20:01
Well I would like to visit and have a coffee break with you ! Are you packed yet for your trip? ;-)
Posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 20:57:53
In reply to Assaults to my self-esteem, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 11, 2006, at 13:36:55
(((((((((((LlurpseBlossom)))))))))))))
I think it's great that you recognize you suffer from low self esteem. This way you can make a conscious effort to counter your negative thinking.
Deneb*
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 22:23:13
In reply to ((((((Llurpsie)))))))))))), posted by Happyflower on December 12, 2006, at 17:42:12
I did the fun part of the packing already.
I bought a travel size thing of hairspray, babypowder (for my wig) and styling mousse. As you are aware, I already have travel size of everything else :)
I also bought a new pink cosmetic bag. it came free with the British version of InStyle, so I'm not really sure if we can call that "buying" or not.
I'm on load 7. of my laundry. somehow I had been doing one load a week of the same clothes, and that was fine. Then it got cold, and I started wearing all these other clothes. I needed more blankets, and stuff.
I have at least 2 more loads left. I'm proud of me that I have done 2 wool sweater loads on delicate with woolite. usually I just throw my very fancy woolies in a heap "save for drycleaner" and they stay in the heap until the following june.
feeling a little better about myself.
the friend that had been ignoring me is super-stressed, as I already knew, but she has been stopping by my office to see if I want to hear a funny story, so that's nice.
thanks for thinking of me
((((HF)))))
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 22:26:23
In reply to Re: Assaults to my self-esteem » LlurpsieBlossom, posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 20:57:53
> (((((((((((LlurpseBlossom)))))))))))))
>
> I think it's great that you recognize you suffer from low self esteem. This way you can make a conscious effort to counter your negative thinking.
>
> Deneb*Thanks Deneb,
my low self-esteem is not always consistent. sometimes I'm aware of it, (and it sucks!!) and sometimes I feel like I've got everything under control (until there's a wobble and I slip! @#$^)I think that there are some very deep-seated insecurities, but there are also things that I feel pretty competent about. It just depends on how I think of my 'self' on any given day.
countering my negative thinking. i better start with the Dharma again. that worked really well last time.
best to you cutie (can I call you cutie?)
-Ll
Posted by Declan on December 13, 2006, at 15:31:06
In reply to Re: Assaults to my self-esteem » Declan, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 16:20:01
I went to Prague in the 70s and never got over it. Smell of coal dust in the streets, and just a few people and spies in the cathedral. There was a novel "Kepler" by John Banville and the feel was so strange and dark. Kepler had a position with Prince Rudolph, maybe? The creator of the Prague townclock was blinded so he could not replicate his achievement, rather like the bloke who did the Taj Mahall? He got his revenge by throwing a spanner in the works some time later and it took them decades to fix it.
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on December 14, 2006, at 15:54:04
In reply to Re: Assaults to my self-esteem, posted by Declan on December 13, 2006, at 15:31:06
Funny you should say that Declan, I had one of the best times of my life in Prague....
Sadly through, it wasn't so much the streets and spires and statues, but the people I met and the things I did. ahhhhhh.... But anyway, nowadays its awash with drunken stag parties and tourists and things like that I'm afraid. Well, certainly when I was there.
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on December 14, 2006, at 15:57:57
In reply to Re: Assaults to my self-esteem, posted by Declan on December 13, 2006, at 15:31:06
I've always meant to say that I think you belong in the wrong era Declan. I think you would be great being one of those bohemian artisan types drinking absinthe and hanging out in opium dens.
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by Declan on December 15, 2006, at 16:15:05
In reply to Re: Assaults to my self-esteem » Declan, posted by Meri-Tuuli on December 14, 2006, at 15:57:57
It was all history to me, kind of evil and beautiful at once. Still part of the Soviet Imperium (now there's a book for you, "Imperium" by Ryszard Kapuscinski) Soviet troops on the trains, everything so old (and in Australia nothing European can be older than 200 years), here is where Heydrich had his office. They lit the lamps by hand in Prague up to the 60s, maybe. Restaurants where you would wait for hours, not realising that they were unreal restaurants, the sense of secret police (perhaps) in the churches, and -15C in the open. No one spoke English. People would stop you to enquire about our baby's Mickey Mouse bottle. It was a different world.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Self-Esteem | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.