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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 12 to 36 of 36. Go back in thread:
Posted by Poet on October 1, 2007, at 9:04:32
In reply to Re: Binge Eating, posted by sadone on September 30, 2007, at 10:19:37
Hi Sadone,
Just one more day and tomorrow will be different is something I can, unfortunately, identify with. I understand food for comfort, too. Though it ends up not really comforting, but hurting me. It took me years to admit bingeing/purging is a form of self injury.
Poet
Posted by Racer on October 1, 2007, at 10:19:16
In reply to Re: Binge Eating, posted by sadone on October 1, 2007, at 3:23:16
> guess I can take a new paragraph somewhere...This made me laugh -- you're one of us, we'll send you a map to the clubhouse and teach you the secret handshake. (I wish we did have a secret clubhouse.)
> I know what you mean when you say that you are punishing yourself, I feel the same, why is it that we just cant stop?
You know, after hearing it from my T in slightly different context, I just got this: we can stop punishing ourselves when we learn that it's OK to ask for comfort, and learn to comfort ourselves. Maybe some sort of self-soothing technique could help? Make a deal with you: let's both try to do that, just once, and see how it goes? We can report back to each other the success or failure of the exercise.
> will let you take a break...sorry for the epic rant.....Honey -- you ain't got nothing on me! If you check the archives, I've got rants that go on far longer than yours -- in fact, what you posted here would be a short post from me!
I hope you have a good week.
Posted by sadone on October 1, 2007, at 16:06:52
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » sadone, posted by Poet on October 1, 2007, at 9:04:32
you know thats right - it is a form of self injury, i cant tell you the disgust i feel with myself, i guess it would be similar in a way to those who cut themselves. wow - self injury that sheds a whole new light on it for me, thanks for the comment, it feels good to know that people out there are going thru the same, comforting in a way - and far less lonely.
Posted by sadone on October 1, 2007, at 16:31:46
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » sadone, posted by Racer on October 1, 2007, at 10:19:16
learning to ask for comfort, how do I do that? i dont know what else would be comfort for me? - ahh, yes, I do, holy sh*t just had a light bulb come on - i know that I crave touch, not touch that a husband can give - not that there is any of that these days anyway - but I crave the touch of others - men only - for example: I went to buy shampoo the other day as one does, looking glamerous in my paint covered flip flops that i have worn for 3 summers in a row, my baseball cap that i dont leave home without to hide myself (like people cant see me anyway) - and my now tight shorts that I make myself wear (again maybe as punishment) as it reminds me of how much the binging has ruined my body.
anyway.......
the guy selling it to me said why are you so sad? I told him I wasnt sad, he said i know you are troubled i feel it - I of course did what any girl would do - started to cry of which i then could not stop. he took my hand walked me to a chair out the back continued to hold my hand and sat with me for a while and talked. It wasnt so much the talking that made me feel better, but it was the touch, the simple touch of my hand that made me feel so incredibly okay. for me that was far more comforting than any binge, but i dont really see myself going up to strange men and asking them to touch me ?!?
massage is pretty expensive these days, although maybe it is worth the investment and could help me. Ithink this all stems from the fact that I was never hugged or touched as a child, our family never showed any affection. my sister and i still dont hug comfortably like a friend would (none of those left.) i was in boarding school from the age of 11 - 18 no boys or men in my life at all, except my b/ball coach, and same thing - i craved his touch !
I dont socialize with anyone and feel like i look at life from the outside and have never been able to be a part of it.
what do you find comforting? in a perfect world if we no longer had to eat anything - like alcohol, we could survive without it, what would it feel like not to have food there for comfort? i know i would feel sad, immed. anxious. Do you feel like it has anything to do with the brain telling us that we want more serotonin? as we dont manufacture enough of it in our brain - threrefore we binge? or is it 100% used as a form of abuse for us?
Do you eat in public? i know i hate eating when people can see me. It is not comfortable, like I shouldnt be doing it or something. I sat and ate an ice cream on the main street the other day to see how would i feel, i would usually hide in my car, and i didnt enjoy it, i hated the feeling, it took away any enjoyment i would have had. I dont know anybody in this area which made it easier - but I remember back in OZ where i grew up, i could never have done that - had someone i know see me eat an ice cream (bad food) good food eg apple etc was perfectly ok tho. strange dont you think?
Posted by sadone on October 1, 2007, at 16:32:40
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » sadone, posted by Racer on October 1, 2007, at 10:19:16
PS could use that "clubhouse" about now....
Posted by Racer on October 1, 2007, at 16:48:01
In reply to Re: Binge Eating, posted by sadone on October 1, 2007, at 16:31:46
> but I remember back in OZ where i grew up, i could never have done that - had someone i know see me eat an ice cream (bad food) good food eg apple etc was perfectly ok tho. strange dont you think?
>
>Strange? That? Not a bit of it. Here's strange for you: I have packages of peanuts in my pantry, but I can't eat them. Too many calories, don't you know, too high in fat, so I just can't eat them. Unless I put them on ice cream, in which case there's no problem! THAT, my friend, is strange...
So much of what you wrote I relate to entirely. The part about touch especially. I'm just back from therapy, so I can't say much -- too raw -- but I will tell you that touch is scary as hell, too, for me. One night in ED group, I said how much I wanted to be held, and another woman offered to hold me. I let her, and it was terrifying -- I think because I wanted it so very much, or maybe I just don't know at all what it was. Oh, well...
Gotta go -- that restarted the waterworks...
Posted by sadone on October 2, 2007, at 2:08:01
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » sadone, posted by Racer on October 1, 2007, at 16:48:01
Well cant argue with that - peanuts on ice-cream what are you thinking? weird how we set these certain boundaries for ourselves like our life depended on them. I am sorry for your tears, would toss you a tissue if i could - followed by a hug.
I know how emotionally exhausting your day must have been, hope your session was productive for you nontheless.
i hate how everyone just keeps saying that it doesnt matter what you look like, we love u anyway etc...it bothers me that they just dont get it - how we feel about our bodies, for me anyway, is the difference between happy and sad, being afraid or strong, having a good day or a bad day, to me it is everything - how i look, how fat or thin i feel is the difference between living and feeling dead.
probably could have expressed that way better, but you get where i was going with it ?tissue on its way....
Posted by RealMe on October 6, 2007, at 23:26:27
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » sadone, posted by Poet on September 28, 2007, at 11:22:57
Gosh
I starve both especially anxiety. But then I don't binge. I starve myself and vomit and used to exercise like run 10 to 15 miles per day. Hah. I can't even run one mile now since my cervical spine surgery and all the more reason I find it so irresistable at times to just stop eating even though intellectually I know that does not cause weight loss. So, I ate a bowl of Wheaties today and so I was good. Before yesterday therapy I went for almost a week again not eating and just drinking diet cokes and water and unsweetened fruit juice. I felt that was good enough. Did not tell T. He will just say he thinks I should see his dietician. Sh*t why does he have to be an eating disorder specialist as well as a trauma specialist. I did not know he was an ED specialist when I first saw him. I just knew he had worked with people who had been abused. Okay; I have to go to bed. Tomorrow is another day. Maybe I will actually eat more than a bowl of cereal, but I have to be careful. The bowl of cereal left me rushing to sit on the toliet all day. What the heck!!! And no; I did not use any laxatives.
RealMe
Posted by Poet on October 8, 2007, at 9:07:55
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » Poet, posted by RealMe on October 6, 2007, at 23:26:27
Hi RealMe,
I don't talk about my ED in therapy, the only time my T has commented was when I was in a major depression and I lost a lot of weight, some of which I have gained back much to my horror. My BMI is within the normal range, but I still refuse to go to my regular doctor for a long overdue exam because they will weigh me. I am not going to weigh more than I did the last time I was there.
Poet
Posted by Racer on October 8, 2007, at 16:30:46
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » RealMe, posted by Poet on October 8, 2007, at 9:07:55
You really can refuse to let them weigh you. The nurse may say it's standard, or that it's policy, but you still don't have to step on the scale. What are they gonna do? Pick you up and put you on it? (If they do, you obviously don't weigh too much...)
Seriously -- that is an option. Head to your doctor's, so that you can stay healthy, because I need you.
Posted by Poet on October 8, 2007, at 18:49:17
In reply to I just refuse to be weighed » Poet, posted by Racer on October 8, 2007, at 16:30:46
Hi Racer,
Last time I closed my eyes and told her not to tell me my weight, but since I know its higher I won't even do that. I can try and refuse, but the catch is that my husband works at the clinic and I don't want the doctor to look at him and think "he's married to a complete nutjob." Not that the psych meds I list don't already indicate that.
The doctor is going to be mad that I didn't get a mammogram, didn't have my blood pressure checked and I haven't had my period in two months which coincides when I ran out of oral contraceptives.
I will try and stay healthy for you. Though I'm still leary of saying I don't want to be weighed. Maybe make an appointment out a couple of weeks and lose the weight like a normal person? I know, I know.
Thank you for being you, which of course is good.
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 11, 2007, at 11:51:16
In reply to Re: I just refuse to be weighed » Racer, posted by Poet on October 8, 2007, at 18:49:17
Hi Racer,
October 31st, a scary day, and I don't mean ghosts and goblins, I mean the fear of the scale.
Poet
Posted by RealMe on October 13, 2007, at 10:05:04
In reply to Made the appointment » Poet, posted by Poet on October 11, 2007, at 11:51:16
Glad you made the appointment.
RealMe
Posted by RealMe on October 13, 2007, at 10:09:32
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » Poet, posted by RealMe on October 6, 2007, at 23:26:27
I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, and they just asked my weight. That's because I just needed scripts, and it is a new doctor, new to me as my doctor left. He seems good and is probably in his 50's. Anyway, he did blood work too, and I have elevated calcium level plus some other stuff. I have an idea now why I have been so tired. Had this before, but long time ago and almost ended up having two parathyroid's removed when I things resolved on their own. Other stuff wrong too, and I have a physcial scheduled for October 20th. I weighed myself today, and I was horrified as I have gained 6 pounds since who knows when, but still. So I must do the six snacks per day thing as the other way does not work, the starving. I know that, but it is so easy to do. Take care.
RealMe
Posted by Poet on October 16, 2007, at 9:18:34
In reply to Re: Binge Eating, posted by RealMe on October 13, 2007, at 10:09:32
Hi RealMe,
I'm trying to eat like a "normal" person until my appointment. The doctor doesn't know I have an ED and I intend to keep it that way.
Poet
Posted by Maxime on October 20, 2007, at 18:02:34
In reply to Made the appointment » Poet, posted by Poet on October 11, 2007, at 11:51:16
> Hi Racer,
>
> October 31st, a scary day, and I don't mean ghosts and goblins, I mean the fear of the scale.
>
> PoetGlad you made the appointment.
I also refuse to be weighed. We argue about it for a minute and then she sighs and that's it.
Maxime
Posted by RealMe on October 20, 2007, at 23:09:21
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » RealMe, posted by Poet on October 16, 2007, at 9:18:34
I went for my physical today, and first thing they want to weigh me. Of course I had on a sweatshirt and my tennis shoes, and I thought I don 't care. I just won't look, but the nurse, a male nurse, said my weight outloud and I almost freaked then and there as I have gained a few more pounds. I just tried to calm down and convinced my self that it was my shoes and clothes--at least a couple of the pounds. Oh hell.
Then the doctor says my cholesteral is worse and we will deal with it through diet. He took more blood for hormone check and blood calcium level pluse chest X-ray as I keep coughing up blood plus and antibiotic for the acute bronchitis I have developed. Plus a bone density test plus and plus and plus. He is a very nice doctor and thourough (my second time seeing him), and it is easy to talk to him. He understands how one can feel really horrible and no one at work knows as he had to do the same thing he said when he got divorced and went through a very nasty divorce. No one at work even knew, he said. His kids are in their mid teens and doing sh*tty in school, he said. They go from F's to A's to F's. He wanted custody, but lost and so he feels pretty helpless to do anything about the kid's school. He said he likes talking to me, and when I left there were around four or five patients waiting for him. I think I better come as his last patient next time rather than his first.
So, what does this have to do with eating, etc. He agreed I need to do the six snacks per day to lose weight and not overeat or eat the wrong things. He does not know that I tend to want to starve myself, and I don't want him to know. I am concerned, however, that the bone density test might give things away. See him again in three months, and I must lose weight any way I can. This is showdown time.
RealMe
Posted by Poet on October 21, 2007, at 11:50:40
In reply to Re: Binge Eating, posted by RealMe on October 20, 2007, at 23:09:21
Hi RealMe,
I am trying to diet like a normal person. Purging does not work anymore though that doesn't stop me from trying. No way the doctor will hear any of this. Besides she'll be too busy thinking of polite ways to yell at me for not having my blood pressure checked since last year.
Hell, I should just cancel that damn appointment.
Poet
Posted by RealMe on October 24, 2007, at 23:33:08
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » RealMe, posted by Poet on October 21, 2007, at 11:50:40
Please don't cancel your appointment. I saw my doctor on Saturday. I let them weigh me with my shoes on and a sweat shirt and jeans. Maybe I did this so I could justify the extra weight. Sh*t, it made me look like I gained around five pounds since I was last there a month before. Oh crap. I have been eating Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kisses, my weakness around Halloween. I have to stop as I start to get more depressed.
I cannot believe it, but I let my doctor do a physical minus the gyn stuff. I have a female doctor for that. I used to have a PCP who was female, but she left the practice, and so I thought I would try a man. He is new to the area but not a new doctor, probably in his 50's. I can't believe I let him prod around on me. We were talking about things, and I don't even rememer him examining me. Guess I might have dissociated. He is a real nice person, though. I have to go get a bone denisty test done and a chest X-ray as I have an elevated calcium level that we need to get to the bottom of as it is creeping up. I stopped my calcium supplements, but now I have a new diagnosis of hyperparathyroidism. Actually, I had it in the past but it resolved. I just can't believe this sh*t. Going to the doctor to find out more things wrong!!! Why don't you want them to take your bp. Will it be way down??? or up??? Mine was down this time, but I do take blood pressure medication. I have to go back in three months, too. UGH.
RealMe
Posted by RealMe on October 24, 2007, at 23:35:22
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » RealMe, posted by Poet on October 16, 2007, at 9:18:34
My PCP doesn't know either but then right now I feel like a porker, and so I think he probably thinks I could stand to lose some weight. Oh Sh*t; who would have thought this could happen!!!!
RealMe
Posted by Poet on October 25, 2007, at 9:45:45
In reply to Re: Binge Eating » Poet, posted by RealMe on October 24, 2007, at 23:33:08
Hi RealMe,
My blood pressure was high and I was supposed to go back in two weeks and have it checked. She wrote out my oral contraceptive prescription for only three months, thinking I'd have it checked by then. Wrong, I got someone to phone in another six months with the promise of coming in that week. This is why I ran out of oral contraceptives in July, I didn't go in to have my BP checked.
No period since July, probably still have high BP, and the mammogram that's a year over due. Does that scare me? Hell, no, it's that I can't get rid of these extra five pounds. Argh.
Poet
Posted by Racer on October 25, 2007, at 23:12:01
In reply to Re: Binge Eating, posted by Poet on October 25, 2007, at 9:45:45
I have to get in to get another DEXA scan, to see if I'm still osteopenic, or have moved on to full blown osteoporosis. I'm also THREE years overdue for a mammogram. And two years into my hip problem.
What's stopping me? Depression. Nothing much more than that. I'm depressed, it doesn't seem to matter, it takes too much effort, it involves putting clothes on. (And showering, saints forbid!) In other words, nothing really stops me, except that I don't do it.
So, what say we play Game Show here -- you go in, you can call me on the way in if that would help. I'll call my doctor to set my appointment up -- TOMORROW!!! -- and then we'll both be done.
What do you say?
Posted by Poet on October 26, 2007, at 11:58:23
In reply to Let's Make A Deal » Poet, posted by Racer on October 25, 2007, at 23:12:01
Okay, Monty, I'll make that deal, but I better not get zonked.
Be prepared for a wake up call on the 31st 'cause my appointment is at 10:00 a.m. my time.
Poet
Posted by Racer on October 26, 2007, at 13:24:52
In reply to Re: Let's Make A Deal, posted by Poet on October 26, 2007, at 11:58:23
I have an appointment, also on the 31st, to see what the MRI told the orthopedist. That should be fun -- there was a big, opaque, white spot on the films, right where it hurts. I don't know what that means. I don't know that I really want to know what that means. (Although I have that silly thought, "Oh, a smudge on the lens...")
And I called my GP, whose office is sending out the paperwork for me to get the mammogram, and all that. Mammograms don't bother me, except that it's cold and I hate doing ANYTHING without my bra. Otherwise, there's no tissue there, and the nerves aren't that good, so it's not uncomfortable. As soon as those are done, I'll make the appointment to see her.
So, cross your arms and legs, and glare if you like. You and I are going to the doctor!
Posted by RealMe on October 27, 2007, at 2:59:09
In reply to Well, I called... » Poet, posted by Racer on October 26, 2007, at 13:24:52
I am glad you guys are doing this. Had a mamogram in September and okay; had the damn gyn appt. in June and fine there but she wanted me to reduce the hormones. Thank God PCP is willing to keep prescribing them. I have been on them for forever due to early menopause. I can't think staright without them. I had my parathyroid level checked again because I told him in the past that it was up, and I have a bone density test I am supposed to schedule plus a chest x-ray as I have been coughing up blood stained sputum for almost three weeks now. So I started that antibiotic, and boom I lost five pounds after four days. What the heck is going on with my body???? I am scared I have lung cancer because one of the reasons for elevated blood calcium level, etc. is lung cancer which I am very high risk for with my COPD and what I hope is just an acute exacerbation of bronchities. Don't mess around as the depression can also be linked to these damn physical things too. I have not even said anything to my therapist yet. I guess I want to know what the hell is going on. My last bone density test said osteopnia and not osteophoriosis or how ever the hell you spell them. I am determined to try to lose some weight the right way. According to everything, I am overweight by about 10 pounds now at the upper limit.
I am so glad you guys are taking care of things as I used to do the same, and now I have to bite the bullet and just do it even if I hate taking off my clothes for a doctor, and a male one at that. Sh*t. I don't believe I did it. Was I nuts to not follow my female PCP where she went??? Maybe, but this guy is a better doctor I think. Oh crap. I just keep saying. He has seen lots of women without there clothes on. UGHHHH!!!
RealMe
This is the end of the thread.
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