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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crazy teresa on September 9, 2005, at 11:12:17
Food = love in my family.
Celebration = eating.
Boredom = eating.
Guilt = eating for comfort.
Depression = eating for comfort.
Eating for comfort while deeling with major depression = gaining a lot of weight.
Gaining a lot of weight = being less attractive to men.
Being less attractive to men = safety.
Feeling safety from being fat = I loathe my body.
Loathing my body = depression = eating for comfort = the cycle continues.
What do I do to break the cycle?
Posted by 10derHeart on September 9, 2005, at 16:21:44
In reply to food issues, posted by crazy teresa on September 9, 2005, at 11:12:17
I can't believe this.I could have written every single, exact word of this post!!!
You just described one of - if not THE - biggest problems in my life.
Are you me? (noooo..that wouldn't be something I'd wish on anyone)
I can't begin to answer you question, ct, but I am going to print out your post to show my T. EXACTLY what the deal is....as if he doesn't already sort of know....
He just can't get me to talk about it.
I say I want to, then I just won't.
Guess I'm afraid the floodgates will open and I'll really fall completely to pieces.
Food is my very, very, very best friend. :-(
And I hate it.
Even right there....can you see the illogic? Why would I hate my *best friend?*
I'll probably go find a snack now...
<sigh> I loathe my body and my weakness.
Posted by 10derHeart on September 9, 2005, at 16:23:30
In reply to food issues, posted by crazy teresa on September 9, 2005, at 11:12:17
..I really thank you for posting this.
I feel less alone now.
Wish I could help you, and me.
Maybe others can.
Posted by crazy teresa on September 9, 2005, at 18:27:39
In reply to But, at least...., posted by 10derHeart on September 9, 2005, at 16:23:30
You make me laugh and bring tears to my eyes at the same time! Thank you for your kind words; I'm so sorry they are familiar to you.
It's a very personal kind of pain, unlike anything else. We have pain because we're parents, because we have a spouse, because we deal with customers at work, etc., but this pain we have because we are doing it to ourselves. Self-preservation is usually automatic. Why are we so bent on destroying ourselves? I wonder if cutting is close to the same, psychologically?
I will be very anxiously awaiting to hear what your T has to say. I tried to bring this up several times with mine, but she always wanted to direct the conversation elsewhere. I guess that's what happens when you're trying to sort out multiple issues!
In the mean time, maybe we should meet somewhere and have dessert! I bet we're only 30 mins. from each other if that. I have a new neighbor who just moved it next door; it's not you is it? LOL! Babblemail me.
Posted by Racer on September 10, 2005, at 1:03:12
In reply to 10 der,, posted by crazy teresa on September 9, 2005, at 18:27:39
After working with a nutritional counselor for my anorexia, I have experienced different things with food.
While I'm in a restricting phase, I'm always afraid that I'll be out of control if I let myself eat -- that I'll be downing ice cream all day, or potato chips all night, since those are the things I tend to reach for when I'm restricting. (Yeah, I know, doesn't sound so anorexic. I use a cookie scoop for my ice cream -- I think it's the one tablespoon size.) Anyway, when I'm following my meal plan, the empty feeling of needing to fill myself up goes away and I don't have the cravings for those things anymore. Basically, my meal plan boils down to eating every two to three hours, and three fruit exchanges (from the diabetes exchange lists) per day. That fruit, I think, really helps.
More important, though -- for me, and maybe for both of you, too -- is body image and all that goes with it. There's a book that my therapist "assigned" me called "The Body Image Workbook" and it's been helpful for me. Maybe if you start the exercises in it, you could take it to your therapists and maybe say that you really need help with the mirror exercises in it. (OK, you might not, but I can't do the mirror exercises, and am even afraid to try them with my therapist! One of these days, though, and I may make a double appointment, so that I'll have an hour to quiver on her sofa before I havve to drive home.) I'd bet that learning to accept and like your bodies would help a lot when you're thinking of turning to that hated best friend.
Also, could your medications be causing some of the weight gain? I know that the meds I've been on have been terrible for that.
Another thing that might help you is exercise -- I know, but I also know that I love my body more when I've just sweated it up. (Hm... Maybe sweating up the sheets counts as exercise? Gotta talk to my hubby about that idea...) Even if you don't love gyms, going for a walk might do enough to help -- we have a municiple rose garden that makes for nice walking, and I'll bet you've got a nice park nearby?
Funny thing is, I could have written that post myself -- even though you'd think that anorexia would be different. I find myself wishing like anything that I could just take a pill in the morning, or just once a week, and that would be it -- no more eating, no more thinking about food, no more trying to find excuses to avoid it, etc. And at the same time, there's something about getting that bowl of ice cream...
I'm sorry you're both going through this. I hope that you find help with it -- and that I do, too.
Posted by crazy teresa on September 10, 2005, at 2:34:08
In reply to I don't know if anything I can say might help..., posted by Racer on September 10, 2005, at 1:03:12
I'll check out the workbook.
The meds don't help the weight issue, but haven't been too bad for me.
I've lost and gained it back a couple of times, each time it came back, there were major life events which were very stressful. Now I'm stuck with it on.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 10, 2005, at 15:08:59
In reply to food issues, posted by crazy teresa on September 9, 2005, at 11:12:17
Oh lordy, that's my cycle, too!
Great work figuring that out and thanks for sharing it!
gg
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on September 11, 2005, at 4:12:56
In reply to Re: food issues » crazy teresa, posted by gardenergirl on September 10, 2005, at 15:08:59
Its the same as my cycle too......why oh why do we have these thin pressures on us? I also find that
I hate my body = I hate myself generally
which is never a good thing. Why haven't they developed a drug that rises self image and self esteem? Wouldn't that be good! Do guys have a similar problem? Sigh.
Posted by crazy teresa on September 11, 2005, at 19:05:46
In reply to Re: food issues, posted by Meri-Tuuli on September 11, 2005, at 4:12:56
Pretty much.
Posted by Poet on September 11, 2005, at 21:56:32
In reply to food issues, posted by crazy teresa on September 9, 2005, at 11:12:17
Hi Crazy teresa,
I can identify with your cycle. Except that when I am in a major depression I don't eat. Substitute worry/anxiety for depression.
I'm bulimic, so bingeing leads to purging.
I have to constantly remind myself that food will not help me.*Eating will make me worry about gaining weight. Purging will not end the worry. I cannot purge anxiety.*
I can't say that my *mantra* always works. I've been bulimic for 27 years, old comfort seeking is hard to stop. I can say that I don't binge because of anxiety very often. Other things still trigger it, I haven't found a mantra for everything.
Poet
Posted by 10derHeart on September 12, 2005, at 12:24:02
In reply to I don't know if anything I can say might help..., posted by Racer on September 10, 2005, at 1:03:12
Thank you so much, Racer.
For taking the time to write all that. I so love reading your posts. They make me think, and you aren't afraid to "wonder aloud" about all sorts of things, and to ask hard questions.
I'm going to keep your post for future reference.
But right this minute, today, this week, whatever - I just can't go there. This issue is so huge, has been so thoroughly avoided by me over at least 2 years of therapy, that I just have to be careful.
My current T. is gently poking around it, as I've thrown out jokes and rude comments (about myself) to him, giving him an obvious opening...but I still can't quite go there.
Although....soon, I think I will. It scares the cr*p out of me. I might have to *consider* letting go of something that's been part of my life for years. It's hard to explain, but this topic seems worse than anything I've shared in therapy so far. And we've addressed some deep stuff that had me crying for nearly 45 minutes straight. More than once.
But food? Eating? Overeating? Oh, no, no.
Can't go there.
Which is why I have to.
But - not - quite - yet :-(Racer, I sincerely do appreciate what you wrote.
Posted by Racer on September 12, 2005, at 13:05:36
In reply to Re: I don't know if anything I can say might help... » Racer, posted by 10derHeart on September 12, 2005, at 12:24:02
>
>
> For taking the time to write all that. I so love reading your posts. They make me think, and you aren't afraid to "wonder aloud" about all sorts of things, and to ask hard questions.Thank you. It means a lot to me to read that.
>
>
>
> But right this minute, today, this week, whatever - I just can't go there. This issue is so huge, has been so thoroughly avoided by me over at least 2 years of therapy, that I just have to be careful.Isn't that the way of it? I know for me that I tend to let this sort of thing build up to monumental proportions so that it's too frightening to open even a crack of daylight onto it. Even though I know that I'm scaring myself away from healing, I still do it. {shrug} Guess if it were easy, we'd all be well, huh?
>
> My current T. is gently poking around it, as I've thrown out jokes and rude comments (about myself) to him, giving him an obvious opening...but I still can't quite go there.
>
>You know, I've done that, too. My current T is much better at others I've seen at calling me on those things, even when something just slips out without my intending it. I do tend to make comments kinda *hoping* they'll be picked up, but with this T, she's caught things I didn't even know I'd said! The other day, I guess I said something about 'needing to get my weight back down' without realizing I'd said it. I meant to say something about how hard it was to accept my higher weight, but that's apparently not what came out of my mouth. I was trying not to let on that I was trying to lose weight, but slipped up and she called me on it in a big way -- wouldn't let me go back to talking about the previous subject until we had worked out what I meant about that weight thing.
It helps me to know that I'm not alone in the sorts of things that I am going through. We may be seeing different sides of this mountain, but it's the same mountain. Maybe we'll meet on top one day.
Posted by Racer on September 12, 2005, at 13:09:23
In reply to Re: food issues » crazy teresa, posted by Poet on September 11, 2005, at 21:56:32
>
> *Eating will make me worry about gaining weight. Purging will not end the worry. I cannot purge anxiety.*
>
>I'm going to try to remember that mantra, Poet, because it resonated so much for me when I read that last sentence. I know that I shift the focus of my anxiety onto food, but I still do it. I'll have to think about how to redirect my anxiety back to its rightful focus, and your mantra might help a lot with that.
Thank you for sharing it with us.
Posted by Poet on September 12, 2005, at 18:24:40
In reply to Re: food issues » Poet, posted by Racer on September 12, 2005, at 13:09:23
Hi Racer,
I'm glad that I could help. I hope my mantra works for you.
Poet
This is the end of the thread.
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