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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by inthegloaming on December 11, 2004, at 17:52:13
oh god.
i had such a horrible day.
my friends thought it was a great idea to take me shopping and have me try on BRAS cos i guess i don't wear 'real' ones and have no idea what i'm doing... so i'm in that horrible dressing room and the dern thing has mirrors that allow--no MAKE--you see every inch of yourself and i thought i was just going to THROW UP.
my body is a thousand times worse than i'd ever like to believe it was. i want to slice it off in big red chunks and flush it down the toilet. just be rid of it, just like that. ugh. i hate myself right now.
my friends were no help. they kept giving me speeches all day about how 'anyone can look good' and 'everyone feels bad about their bodies' and 'this will make you feel better once you get some new clothes!' and they were outside my door telling me to 'come on! it's not that hard' but i couldn't get it to work and every time i turned around i could see ANOTHER PART of my INSIPID AWFUL ABYSMAL flesh and wanted to die all over again...
finally i said enough and ran out of the store. i feel so awful now. my friends are still saying things like 'you're just afraid to stop hiding under those clothes.' i'm just so hurt right now by all of it and i can't tell anyone cos they won't understand... nobody will and nobody does but maybe you folks will cos i don't know what to do anymore. i can't live one more day like this but i have to, i don't have a choice, it won't just all go away.
i just feel lilke hurting myself somehow but there's nothing here. maybe i'll get drunk later.
ugh.
Posted by Racer on December 11, 2004, at 20:37:13
In reply to really really superbad day *BIG TRIGGER*, posted by inthegloaming on December 11, 2004, at 17:52:13
You know, I can understand that. I hate trying on bras more than anything else, and often end up running out of the store crying after only a short time. It gets even worse when I go with my mother, and you'd think I'd know that by now ;-)
When I was 12, I was a D cup, and it's gone up from there. Sucks a lot. Mind you, I have a flat @$$, and have never dated a boob man, you know? And let's face it: if the Goddess had wanted us to look good naked, she'd never have invented Chanel, right?
Your friends are right that most of us are dissatisfied with our bodies in one way or another. I can't really speak for anything resembling normalcy, or I wouldn't have begged for this board for so long, but I can say that in my healthier periods I haven't worried about what I look like, it's just not on my radar.
Trying on bras, though, is way up there at the top of the list of lifetime traumas. Just below wearing a bathing suit in public :-D Trust me on this, you're not alone in feeling horrible and exposed when you're in that dressing room, with the lights that make you look green and orange.
Here's a little perspective: I'm currently just about forty pounds underweight, my hip bones stick out enough to get sore, my seat bones chafe on padded chairs, my shoulder blades get sore from the pressure of the mattress. Yeah, I've got big boobs, but I thin right now, right? When I look in the mirror, I want to chop pieces off myself, I want to run for liposuction and a belly lift, and a boob job (reduction, lift, whatever), and generally want either to cry or to vomit when I see myself. Size, shape, age, don't matter. I think if we have any insecurities, they'll be expressed to some extent in our attitudes toward our bodies.
Don't get drunk, it's not worth it. How about finding one thing you like about your body? Even if it's only, say, your right wrist, find that one thing you like. Then, tomorrow, when you think about that part, find your next favorite part. Eventually, maybe you'll find it easier.
Another suggestion, what helped me a huge amount, was to look at other women. I used to be afraid the women at my gym would think I was nuts, because I'd look at them, the way they were built, how they moved -- and discovered that way that most women are not perfect. But we can still be lovely.
Posted by rainy on December 14, 2004, at 4:21:10
In reply to Re: really really superbad day *BIG TRIGGER*, posted by Racer on December 11, 2004, at 20:37:13
Racer, I'm emerging from about 50 years of eating disorder and agonizing about how my body looks. Topamax and age have helped me to relax a little. I'm very wrinkled, my hair is thin, I've lost two inches in height. I look about ten years older than my 62 years, I believe because of my struggle with anorexia and bulimia.
I really like what you have to say about how there has to be one small part of our physcial selves that we can cherish, even when we're feeling the most discouraged about how we look. And that we ARE lovely in spite of everything.
Blessed be.rainy
Posted by Poet on December 14, 2004, at 21:35:15
In reply to really really superbad day *BIG TRIGGER*, posted by inthegloaming on December 11, 2004, at 17:52:13
Dressing room mirrors are evil. They lie. Bra ads lie, too. I found one brand that I didn't want to cry while trying on and now I buy it in every color they have. If they ever stop making it, I'll be like the 60s and go bra less.
I like Racer's idea of finding one thing you like about your body every day.
Poet
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