Shown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by freeme on October 12, 2010, at 13:57:28
Hello - i need help and do not know where to go for it. Have had chronic depression my whole life. Self medicated with alcohol in my 20's. Was clean and sober for 16 years - spent most of it in misery - depression, anxiety, insomnia. Alot of fear of people. Was diagnosed with double depression 15 years ago. For years, tried all the medications - found nothing that helped enough to stay on it and put up with the horrible side affects. Tried every kind of alternative treatment i could find and afford. Some helped a little but not enough. Went on pain meds for leg pain for 6 mos. Went off it and was so depressed and anxious, started smoking pot and drinking alcohol. It works in some ways but I know the alcohol is very bad for me - drinking 5 or 6 drinks a day. The pot actually helps my anxiety and insomnia alot. Because it is illegal, it contributes to my reclusive lifestyle. I feel a great deal of shame for drinking. I want to be well and do not know where to turn to get off the stuff. I know i can't take medication and am afraid to go see a Dr. because that is all they do. I am afraid to get off the pot and alcohol because when I cut down or do not smoke for a day, I experience great anxiety and feel like i am falling apart - crying or angry - afraid i will have a breakdown. I was in AA off and on for years - always left because depression took over and i would isolate and too afraid to go to meetings and be around people. I have not seen a therapist or Psych. for many years. However, have seen some regular doctors (OD) - some who prescribed medication for anxiety, depression and insomnia. Years ago, I went through years of intense therapy, individual and group. Was released and told that i had not gotten to something inside me yet. I have not been able to work for about 10 years. I am afraid to go to a doctor for help because i have had many bad experiences with some of them. It is hard to think of going to some stranger and sharing my personal thoughts and feelings. I don't know anyone to refer me to a psych dr. I want to live a useful life and to be a part of. Reclusive living is very lonely. Any suggestions? Sorry this is so long and i hope makes sense!
Posted by yorf on October 13, 2010, at 0:23:17
In reply to self medicating pot and alcohol, posted by freeme on October 12, 2010, at 13:57:28
try valerian root. it is a herbal sedative and will smooth withdrawals. I recommend cold turkey, meaning stop all drugs at once without a taper as it is fast and effective (usually).
also fish oil will lift your mood. you can buy valerian and fish oil from your grocery store or a herbal store. most people are paranoid about contaminants in their herbs. to some extent that is a problem but it is very minor.
Posted by former poster on October 13, 2010, at 3:08:50
In reply to Re: self medicating pot and alcohol, posted by yorf on October 13, 2010, at 0:23:17
Reclusive living can be nice if you can just get good internet and a good spouse. I live 20 miles away from the nearest utility pole.
I heard that the alcohol is easier to quit than the pot?
Posted by Lao Tzu on October 15, 2010, at 8:06:33
In reply to self medicating pot and alcohol, posted by freeme on October 12, 2010, at 13:57:28
Hi. I understand how you feel about reclusive living. I am schizophrenic/bipolar, and I live with my family who are very supportive of me. It would be helpful for you if you had someone supporting you, like a family member or a doctor you feel you can trust. Other than my immediate family, I also tend to stay away from most people most of the time. I stay home a lot.
I don't drink much or take pot. I try to stay away from them myself. My suggestion is don't go off of them cold turkey until you're stabilized on some medications and nutrients. But you say that you can't take medication? Could you try low dosages of medication to help with alcohol addiction? I've heard that amino acid therapy might be useful for alcohol addiction for some people. Sometimes, SSRI antidepressants are used to stabilize someone who wants to stop drinking. There are also low- dose antipsychotics like Risperdal and Abilify to help with anxiety issues. Sometimes, Benzodiazepines can be used for a short time to help with anxiety and may help with the alcohol addiction. I don't know if there is any easy answer. I know about addiction somewhat because I can't stop smoking cigarettes, and I have tried many times, so I sympathize with you.
The best suggestion I have is to get as much support and help as you can. If you really dislike medication, you might look into amino acid therapy and also orthomolecular medicine. They could help stabilize your brain with natural nutrients. You still might want to drink and smoke pot sometimes, but maybe you won't want to do it as much. Getting your brain chemistry stabilized is one part. The other is perhaps talking with a therapist for your issues and strategies for coping with life. The third part is getting a definitive diagnosis of your condition by a medical physician. That way, you know what you're dealing with and can take the proper steps to help control your condition. There are people out there who do want to help you. I mean, I am schizophrenic, and though I am not 100%, I have done well on certain medications in addition to vitamins, minerals, fatty acids, and amino acids. And also having support from others who understand what you're going through. The people here are very supportive, but don't just rely on our suggestions. You may need to at least talk to a therapist, so he or she can give you some solid advice about what options there are out there.
Lao
Posted by freeme on October 18, 2010, at 13:42:01
In reply to Re: self medicating pot and alcohol, posted by Lao Tzu on October 15, 2010, at 8:06:33
Thanks to all of you for responding to my post - many good suggestions. I don't get on the computer much. Not sure what I will do. Made some calls last week to find help but got nowhere. I found that if you are not very poor or rich, you can't afford treatment. I have not called my insurance because they only cover 20 visits outpatient a year - with a $50 copay. I tell myself this will not be enough, so whats the use??!! I don't want to start treatment and then have to stop. I am also afraid they will not cover me because i am using an illegal substance - pot. Also afraid that it might hurt my husband in his job, where we get the insurance through. Will look into amino acid treatment - I know I don't get enough anyway - am a vegan. My protein comes from nuts, beans, some grains. Without the pot, I have no appetite. My husband is supportive but drinks every night and I don't like being around him then. I just found out my son is a heroin addict and we had to kick him out. I am struggling to help with my 4 year old grandson. He was just here for 5 days. It takes everything out of me and Iknow i am not a good example to him on how to live but I just try to love him. His mother and father are pretty messed up. So, my support system is pretty much a few family members who are not too healthy themselves. I talk with my sister a few times a week. She keeps encouraging me to get help but I just can't find the willingness. It was a huge step to sign up on this website and to make some calls. I find it scary to share about myself on the internet - even if I am using a false name. Thank you all for being there and sharing.
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