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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 50 to 74 of 222. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 1:20:51
In reply to Re: facing realities...Happy, posted by twinleaf on February 25, 2009, at 0:05:18
I don't ever remember such a place.
As long as I've been here there's been hurt and long blocks.
I know deputies never blocked anyone for a year for cursing without an asterisk. And while I suppose it might be within the realm of possibility that circumstances might be such that we'd be forced to do that, I can't imagine what those circumstances might be.
I suppose that the only people who will believe it are the people who believe in us, but deputies try very hard to be far more understanding and generous than Dr. Bob was.
I can't convince anyone of that though.
And apparently I have not succeeded in my efforts to go far beyond civility to reflect the caring and respect I feel. So it's probably best for me to retire from the conversation at this point.
Posted by twinleaf on February 25, 2009, at 2:33:25
In reply to Re: facing realities...Happy, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 1:20:51
My own experience of Babble several years ago is just as real to me as yours is to you, and I stand by the reality and truth of that experience. The fact that it was such a warm, helpful and lively experience for me then is the reason I have been asking the administration to have a sincere look at what has happened to Babble in the last few years. But it's very clear that our respective views, and our memories of what we each experienced, are now so totally different that there isn't a basis for any further fruitful discussion between us.
Posted by seldomseen on February 25, 2009, at 6:42:27
In reply to Re: facing vastly differing realities » Dinah, posted by twinleaf on February 25, 2009, at 2:33:25
Twinleaf,
What is, in your opinion, the single most important thing that needs to be changed about babble that would make it more comfortable for you to participate here?
I've noticed in the past that threads like this tend to go all over the place (and I usually help with that), but let's bring it back to at least one thing that would help you. I think we can re-build the discussion from there.
Seldom
Posted by Lou Pilder on February 25, 2009, at 6:53:08
In reply to Re: facing realities...Happy, posted by twinleaf on February 25, 2009, at 0:05:18
> I think you have described one of the main problems perfectly, It's the way criticisms, put-downs and insults can be carefully crafted so that they pass the civility rules. About a year ago, one poster, well-known for doing this from time to time, was given a PCB- a very rare occurence for her. She replied that she had spent ONE HOUR carefully trying to craft her (hurtful) message so that it would pass the civility rules. She had no awareness, seemingly, that it would be far better not to be insulting people- her only concern appeared to be that she had not been quite clever enough to avoid a civility warning.
>
> Those subtle insults can hurt much more than outright upsets or differences of opinion. The person on the receiving end cannot object- just send in a notification, which, as we know, almost always just silently disappears. If there is one thing about Babble which my analyst strongly disapproved of, it was this inequality- the person who does the hurting is essentially protected and free to discharge their anger and aggression, while the person who has been hurt will be punished for doing a healthy thing- speaking up for him/herself.
>
> Babble had a lot of great things going for it before the poor deputies got the job of administering the guidelines. They HAVE to do it very exactly, and just the same each time, What the deputies can't do is take the whole picture into consideration. Sometimes they jump onto the tiniest things- as I mentioned above- it's like one deer tick missed in the process of combing my spaniel's long hair. When things like that happen, it's impossible not to feel just as you do- the guidelines are not being applied equally or fairly.
>
> I guess it was unrealistic of me to think that Dr. Bob or the deputies would be interested in making this site into a place like it used to be- where hurts would be rare, and no-one's therapists would be urging them to avoid it. I was just hoping so, as I am attached to the site itself, and to a number of posters, and that is all hard to give up. This is not just a matter of personal preferences in mental health sites, similar to personal preferences in therapists, as Dinah seems to believe. It is a matter of right and wrong- of either providing a forum which can help and support people as they grow healthier, or of saddling them with one which will occasionally knock them backwards into more distress and suffering.
>
> Since my suggestions for a reconsideration of how things are run here has apparently fallen on deaf ears, I have one more rueful, end-of-the-line suggestion, In my opinion, every deputy has, at times, been more hurtful and insulting here than I have ever been. If they, too, had to struggle through a series of increasingly long blocks, they just MIGHT begin to understand a little of what we are talking about...twinleaf,
You wrote,[...my suggeations...apparently fallen on deaf ears...].
If you are referring to all the ears here, I hear you and look forward to read from you and othere here more concerning the issues at hand.
Lou
Posted by Partlycloudy on February 25, 2009, at 7:13:06
In reply to Re: facing realities...Happy, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 1:20:51
> And apparently I have not succeeded in my efforts to go far beyond civility to reflect the caring and respect I feel. So it's probably best for me to retire from the conversation at this point.I keep seeing this. Over and over. Discuss and retreat when it becomes uncomfortable. There is no resolution, there is no defensible answer to the charges made.
My therapist is right - this is not a healthy environment. That is her concern for me.
pc
Posted by Lou Pilder on February 25, 2009, at 8:30:07
In reply to Re: facing realities...Happy » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on February 25, 2009, at 7:13:06
>
> > And apparently I have not succeeded in my efforts to go far beyond civility to reflect the caring and respect I feel. So it's probably best for me to retire from the conversation at this point.
>
> I keep seeing this. Over and over. Discuss and retreat when it becomes uncomfortable. There is no resolution, there is no defensible answer to the charges made.
>
> My therapist is right - this is not a healthy environment. That is her concern for me.
>
> pcpc,
You wrote,[...there is no...this is not...]
I am unsure as to all of the aspects that could be involved in what you have posted above. Could you add to what you posted and if you could then we could have the opportunity to have dialog concerning such if you are willing? Could you take a chance on me?
Lou
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 8:45:33
In reply to Re: facing realities...Happy » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on February 25, 2009, at 7:13:06
Why do you think that's the point I became uncomfortable? I extend myself past my discomfort all the time on this board.
I withdraw from a conversation when I have tried my best, and it has been wanting. I withdraw from a conversation when I don't feel I can be useful any more to a poster or anyone else.
What would you have me do at that point?
Posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 8:52:34
In reply to Re: facing vastly differing realities » Dinah, posted by twinleaf on February 25, 2009, at 2:33:25
Twinleaf,
I know you don't have your babblemail turned on, but could you contact me through my blogsite,http://psychoflowers.blogspot.com/
we can talk without you giving me your email if you like, just write anonymously.
Posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 9:13:15
In reply to Re: facing vastly differing realities » twinleaf, posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 8:52:34
This whole issue is getting so tiresome. We know the problems of the rules and the fact that they can't be administered with consistency across the board to everyone.
With the notification system, certain people are almost ALWAYS targeted while the popular members get no notifications, or their notifications are ignored.If Dr. Bob doesn't want to help his deputies with such a huge job, then the rules need to be canceled. Because if only certain people getting the ax, while others get off free, EVEN WITH NOTIFICATIONS, all hell is going to break loose EVERYTIME> HELLO DR> BOB??????????????????????? ARE YOU LISTENING????????? IF it is YOUR rules that YOU love SO much, maybe you need to rethink them? OR at least be involved when they are being discussed ON ADMIN> of YOUR site!!!
IF you are going to let people govern themselves, then get rid of the deputies and rules. Rules only work if they are applied to everyone, everytime.
SInce notifications are not dealt with for WEEKS, it shows that notifications are too much to handle anyway for deputies.
Posted by seldomseen on February 25, 2009, at 9:21:09
In reply to Re: facing realities...Happy » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on February 25, 2009, at 7:13:06
In my opinion, a healthy environment is one which there are no charges made. Instead, a problem is presented, discussed as to whether it is actually an actionable problem, and, if so, people then offer solutions to the problem in the attempt to improve the situation.
I think when someone feels as though they have contributed all they can to the discussion, then it is right and appropriate that they withdraw.
So I propose that we, as best and constructively as we can, define what the problem at hand actually is.
So far what I'm hearing is that
The rules at babble are, for some, promoting an unhealthy, if not outright harmful, environment that is not conducive to their mental health.
In particular the rules seem (1) nitpicky, (2) capriciously applied (3) to silence those that have been hurt or are currently hurting.
So far, the solutions explicitly offered have been to (1) do away with the rules altogether (2) provide mandatory civility buddies.
Other potential solutions, though not explicitly stated but what I inferred would be to (1) Use our reactions to the rules (or babble in general) in actual therapy (2) Improve the notification system and/or (3) Quit babble.
First, have I defined the problem correctly?
Second, are there other potential solutions?
Third, are we willing to even try to find them?Just my thoughts on a very complicated matter.
Seldom.
Posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 9:31:30
In reply to Re: facing realities...Happy, posted by seldomseen on February 25, 2009, at 9:21:09
Unless the message if for me.
THanks
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 25, 2009, at 9:43:59
In reply to Re: facing realities...Happy, posted by twinleaf on February 25, 2009, at 0:05:18
> criticisms, put-downs and insults can be carefully crafted so that they pass the civility rules. About a year ago, one poster, well-known for doing this from time to time, was given a PCB- a very rare occurence for her. She replied that she had spent ONE HOUR carefully trying to craft her (hurtful) message so that it would pass the civility rules. She had no awareness, seemingly, that it would be far better not to be insulting people- her only concern appeared to be that she had not been quite clever enough to avoid a civility warning.
>
> In my opinion, every deputy has, at times, been more hurtful and insulting here than I have ever been.Please don't post anything that could lead others (posters or deputies) to feel accused or put down.
But please don't take this personally, either, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
More information about posting policies and tips on alternative ways to express oneself are in the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
PS: According to the formula:
duration of previous block: 4 weeks
period of time since previous block: 1 week
severity: 2 (default) + 1 (uncivil toward particular individual or group) = 3
block length = 11.67 rounded = 12 weeks
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 9:47:50
In reply to Can those respond, remove my name, on this line, posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 9:31:30
I think that on the face of what was written on this thread alone, without any inferences being made, this could count as a vortex.
It's a shame he's unwilling to step forward when at his request as well as our own good judgment we step back. Over and over again he supports us off board and promises to show that support on board.
He's not a ghost. But I wish he would keep his promises to the deputies.
What is, is. I can fight it and do no good but to hurt myself. I can try to work with what I've got and make the best of it. Or I can quit.
I care about Dr. Bob, and I care about Babble, and about the only reason I would quit is if I thought the majority of Babblers believed what was written about me in this thread. Because in that case, the last nearly eight years of my life when I have tried to forge relationships and be of service here would have been an utter waste of my time and pain.
I'm way too stubborn to quit otherwise.
Posted by Lou Pilder on February 25, 2009, at 12:28:19
In reply to Dr Bob asks that deputies step away from vortices, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 9:47:50
> I think that on the face of what was written on this thread alone, without any inferences being made, this could count as a vortex.
>
> It's a shame he's unwilling to step forward when at his request as well as our own good judgment we step back. Over and over again he supports us off board and promises to show that support on board.
>
> He's not a ghost. But I wish he would keep his promises to the deputies.
>
> What is, is. I can fight it and do no good but to hurt myself. I can try to work with what I've got and make the best of it. Or I can quit.
>
> I care about Dr. Bob, and I care about Babble, and about the only reason I would quit is if I thought the majority of Babblers believed what was written about me in this thread. Because in that case, the last nearly eight years of my life when I have tried to forge relationships and be of service here would have been an utter waste of my time and pain.
>
> I'm way too stubborn to quit otherwise.
>Dinah,
You wrote,[...a vortex...]
Could you post here what is entailed in designating as per the administration here a thread as being a vortex? If you could , then I could have the oppoprtunity to respond accordingly.
Lou
Posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 12:42:28
In reply to Dr Bob asks that deputies step away from vortices, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 9:47:50
Well I know at least for me I am not talking about any deputy in particular.
The issue of there is just too much for just few deputies to handle the board, is what I am talking about.
Because of this, the rules are not applied to everyone, way too many things are missed, which makes some members feel things are unfair.
I don't think anyone was talking about you DInah, specifically, I could be wrong, I just didn't notice. I believe it is more about what is happening in regards to the rules. Deputies are part of that but only because they are the enforcers.
I say we either need more deputies to help with the work, or we need to do away with the rules since they are only applied sporadically.(usuallyby no fault of the deputies)
Posted by fayeroe on February 25, 2009, at 12:50:57
In reply to Re: facing realities... » twinleaf, posted by HappyChaiTea on February 24, 2009, at 20:06:32
**We can explain till we are blue in the face, but Dr. BOb will not even respond in most cases, or I should say, responds in a unsatisfactory way. So people are more likely to just throw their arms up in disgust or they just give up. This has been the same story over and over again.**
I wanted to comment on your statement of "people aremore likely to just throw their arms up in disgust or they just give up."
In some ways giving up here can mean a giving up on oneself. You join with the anticipation that you've found a home and a safe place to be online.We are trusting our instincts on that one.
For some of us, it just ain't happening. If we've been here for a long time, the judging of one's capacity to pick the right place for healing comes into place. 1. Disappointment 2. Pain 3. Rejection 4. Disinterest 5. Attacked.
The few things that I listed are in no particular order. And I am certain that we could add to the list.
I just wanted to point out that along with the disappointment in Babble, there could be a tremendous letdown when we realize that we have also failed ourselves.
I'm rambling from a very short and sick night..so if I'm not making sense..you know why.:-) But I do know what "I" mean. :-0)
Posted by fayeroe on February 25, 2009, at 13:00:19
In reply to Re: facing realities...Happy » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on February 25, 2009, at 7:13:06
>
> > And apparently I have not succeeded in my efforts to go far beyond civility to reflect the caring and respect I feel. So it's probably best for me to retire from the conversation at this point.
>
> I keep seeing this. Over and over. Discuss and retreat when it becomes uncomfortable. There is no resolution, there is no defensible answer to the charges made.See, this is one of the things here that bother me the most..the discussion and then the "I'm out of here for now" post. It never fails (to me) that when something is being discussed, eventually it will end and the posters are left holding a bag full of nothing.
>
> My therapist is right - this is not a healthy environment. That is her concern for me.I don't know if my Post was counted but my Pdoc really doesn't want me here. He researched and decided that the blocks (and the lengths) and the uneven administration of the civility "problems" were cause enough for him to say "stay away". I didn't take him one printout. He did this all by himself.
>
> pc
>
>
Posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 13:06:50
In reply to Dr Bob asks that deputies step away from vortices, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 9:47:50
> I think that on the face of what was written on this thread alone, without any inferences being made, this could count as a vortex.
>
I don't think a vortex is a positive term to describe this thread. I really believe that the intent from everyone especially twinleaf, is to make this place better.> It's a shame he's unwilling to step forward when at his request as well as our own good judgment we step back. Over and over again he supports us off board and promises to show that support on board.
I agree, and this has happened time and time again. It is not fair for the deputies to have to carry "His" load or a load that is way too heavy for only a few deputies.
>
> He's not a ghost. But I wish he would keep his promises to the deputies.
> I care about Dr. Bob, and I care about Babble, and about the only reason I would quit is if I thought the majority of Babblers believed what was written about me in this thread.I just wanted to say, I know you feel this way, but if this thread gets bogged down with support for you (which would be fine in another thread) the message that this thread started with will be lost. I don't believe anyone has asked you to quit or anything like that.
Because in that case, the last nearly eight years of my life when I have tried to forge relationships and be of service here would have been an utter waste of my time and pain.
This reminds me of what my first T told me once (he did have SOME good after all) about marriage. All marriages end badly, whether through death or divorce. But you can't judge the quality of the marriage based on the last months alone. The end doesn't have to flavor the entire relationship one way or another.
I am sure nobody is asking you to quit, most people love you here. My part is that there shouldn't be rules, if they can't be applied at a more consistent manner. Does that make sense?
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 13:36:33
In reply to Re: Dr Bob asks that deputies step away from vortices » Dinah, posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 13:10:39
I don't foresee this thread being bogged down with support for me or any other deputy.
I've said on more than one occasion that at times I feel absolutely no ability to respond in any helpful way. I have often tried and I have nearly always regretted trying, because the result does not seem appreciably different than if I had not tried. But I make myself more vulnerable.
Clearly I am unable to be helpful in some situations, and should take a more Boblike approach.
I don't think continuing would help the situation. I am in distress. And Dr. Bob has asked that I not continue.
Vortex is his word, not ours. It's not a negative word any more than trigger is.
Are you likely to change your view of the situation because I do continue? Am I likely to take the view of others about my own actions?
Unless others can convince me that my continuing the discussion will be helpful for Babble, I must decline. And I must ask that I not be pressured to continue.
Posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 14:02:43
In reply to Re: Dr Bob asks that deputies step away from vortices, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 13:36:33
> I've said on more than one occasion that at times I feel absolutely no ability to respond in any helpful way. I have often tried and I have nearly always regretted trying, because the result does not seem appreciably different than if I had not tried. But I make myself more vulnerable.You should do what is best for you, as always. I do think you could be helpful, but not at the expense of your own health if you are feeling this way.
> Clearly I am unable to be helpful in some situations, and should take a more Boblike approach.Stepping away because of your health is the right thing to do, but I wouldn't consider that being the Bob approach.
>
> I don't think continuing would help the situation. I am in distress. And Dr. Bob has asked that I not continue.Not just you, but all the deputies, right? So it it fair to conclude that this discussion is over because it is going to fall on death ears?
>
> Vortex is his word, not ours. It's not a negative word any more than trigger is.I understand it is his word, but I don't feel it is exactly positive to those who have posted on this thread. With this word being the one used to describe this thread, I am sure my voice is not going to be heard, I should walk away. Not because of my mental health, not because I don't care, but because like I said before, it will probably be a waste of time since there is "no conversation" taking place to help this place become better. That message is coming across LOUD AND CLEAR. IGNORE THE VORTEX (which is us babblers messages you know.)
>
> Are you likely to change your view of the situation because I do continue? Am I likely to take the view of others about my own actions?I am not sure why you are taking this thread personally? I just don't get it at all, this thread is NOT about you, this is about discussing the way the rules are handled on this site and the way it is not working.
>
> Unless others can convince me that my continuing the discussion will be helpful for Babble, I must decline. And I must ask that I not be pressured to continue.Who is pressuring you? I didn't get that impression at all.
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 15:04:57
In reply to Re: Dr Bob asks that deputies step away from vortices » Dinah, posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 14:02:43
My health is fine, thank you.
If I were to feel that I could contribute something useful, I would not be averse to continuing. Particularly if the discussion proceeded in such a way that Dr. Bob would approve of my participation. I thought seldomseen had an excellent idea of how to proceed with a constructive dialogue, but no one responded to her suggestion.
I attempted myself to address a specific concern of yours, even if I didn't think it through as carefully as I might wish, but also got no response.
But in the more general discussions of Administrative shortcomings, I don't think I can offer much more than I've already offered.
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 15:37:13
In reply to Lou's request for what designates-dwndwndwn? » Dinah, posted by Lou Pilder on February 25, 2009, at 12:28:19
I think Dr. Bob could best answer that.
Posted by BayLeaf on February 25, 2009, at 17:06:46
In reply to Dr Bob asks that deputies step away from vortices, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 9:47:50
Or was that block the entire conversation?
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 17:45:46
In reply to Does Bob address the vortices? Or does no one?, posted by BayLeaf on February 25, 2009, at 17:06:46
I daresay a deputy who does not find something a vortex at any given time may address it.
But the board is Dr. Bob's responsibility ultimately. What he does is up to him, and should be taken up with him. We help as best we can. But it's not our board. It's his.
Posted by muffled on February 25, 2009, at 18:11:47
In reply to Re: Does Bob address the vortices? Or does no one? » BayLeaf, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2009, at 17:45:46
Dr. Bob is proving himself to be a lousy administrator.
This is NOT new.
That is why I am not here. Long blocks and Bobs lack of care.
I really hate that this place can't work for me.
Your all good people.Don't get sucked into Bobs web.
He may give a crap, but not from what I've seen.
Actions speak louder than words in my book.Its OK if ai am to be blocked.
I shouldn't be here anyways.
And y'know what, even though I am removed, the block will still sting.
Imagine how it stings, GORES one who is deeply involved?
Or the friends of the blocked one?Whatever happened to Alex? Is she forever blocked?
LOL< I got great admiration for that gal!
Take care all.
Muffled
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