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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 38 to 62 of 88. Go back in thread:
Posted by gardenergirl on April 21, 2007, at 11:52:16
In reply to Re: I don't know that any have been reviewed » gardenergirl, posted by Happyflower on April 21, 2007, at 10:14:46
> If deputies have responed on that thread is it wrong to assume they have reviewed it?It would not necessarily be accurate to assume that. I don't always read entire threads before I respond to a specific post, whether as a deputy or as a poster. I know of instances when other deputies have not read entire threads before responding to a specific post. I can understand how one might assume we have, but I know in my case, for a variety of reasons I might not.
>>
> Okay this tells me a lot. I think the "don't have to" causes a lot esculation in problems because we count on deputies to act on it, if they can choose not to act on it, we don't know the reasons, what if it is because they like the poster, and don't want to hurt them with an action. What if they don't like the poster, and they really want to "stick it to them" because they personally don't like the poster. This "don't have to respond" leaves the actions of deputies open to their subjective views and not based on objective basis. There is especially true when they hold a duel role here.That has always been in place. Clearly it leaves making assumptions about deputy behavior open to subjective beliefs. And if one is primed for whatever reason to assume negative motives, one will be more likely to see them, and vice versa.
Counting on a deputy for support requires, in part, trusting the deputy to perform their role with integrity and ethics. Given this community and the current operating conditions, I can see how it might be quite difficult, maybe even impossible in some cases, to grant that trust.
Posted by Declan on April 21, 2007, at 19:29:41
In reply to dear, » Happyflower, posted by karen_kay on April 21, 2007, at 7:36:03
"Don't Worry. He Won't Get Far On Foot" is by a US quadraplegic comedian.
Some people wouldn't have found it funny.
I did.
Posted by zazenducke on April 21, 2007, at 19:38:04
In reply to Different Strokes for Different Folks, posted by Declan on April 21, 2007, at 19:29:41
Posted by Racer on April 21, 2007, at 20:04:08
In reply to Re: I don't know that any have been reviewed » gardenergirl, posted by Happyflower on April 21, 2007, at 8:24:10
>
> I thought that was just only PART of the system. I believe most deputies have read the posts without it being reported, and nothing happened.For the record, I haven't had time to read the boards lately, and have only read those posts which have been reported as possibly uncivil. If a post has not been reported, it's safe to say I probably haven't read it. I am one deputy out of five, and as such I can safely say that at least 20% of deputies have not read whatever posts you're discussing here.
I'm sorry you're offended by something, Happyflower, but I feel a bit blindsided right now. I can't promise I would have taken any administrative action on the posts in question, since I don't know what's in them, but I can say that I would have looked at them, and at least discussed them with the other deputies.
Racer, posting as Racer
Posted by greywolf on April 21, 2007, at 20:08:12
In reply to Re: I don't know that any have been reviewed, posted by Racer on April 21, 2007, at 20:04:08
I'd comment, but I don't have a dog in this fight.
Posted by zazenducke on April 21, 2007, at 20:47:50
In reply to Re: I don't know that any have been reviewed, posted by greywolf on April 21, 2007, at 20:08:12
I am often tempted myself
I would not want anyone on this thread to feel unsupported. I'm sure you wouldn't either. Really.
> I'd comment, but I don't have a dog in this fight.
>
>
Posted by verne on April 21, 2007, at 21:02:41
In reply to Re: I don't know that any have been reviewed, posted by Racer on April 21, 2007, at 20:04:08
If you don't have a "dog in the fight" why enter the fray with the quip, that you don't have a "dog in the fight"?
Verne
Posted by fayeroe on April 21, 2007, at 22:22:43
In reply to I feel animal cruelity jokes shouldn't be allowed, posted by Happyflower on April 20, 2007, at 13:15:03
Happyflower, I am coming to this late but I want you to know that I've just read this entire thread and I understand completely what you are asking for here.
I am very active in animal rights and, in fact, testified for two hours recently in a dogfighting case.
I'm sorry that this turned into whatever it turned into. it sure ain't purty........pat
Posted by Happyflower on April 21, 2007, at 22:26:10
In reply to Re: I feel animal cruelity jokes shouldn't be allowed » Happyflower, posted by fayeroe on April 21, 2007, at 22:22:43
Thanks fayeroe,
I am surprised you got through all of the mud! ;-)
Posted by Happyflower on April 22, 2007, at 14:48:50
In reply to Re: ((((((Happyflower)))))) » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by Happyflower on April 21, 2007, at 9:19:16
Jackson, he is alive as far as I know.
Posted by sunnydays on April 22, 2007, at 22:10:32
In reply to Re: you never did answer....incest trigger » karen_kay, posted by Happyflower on April 21, 2007, at 10:44:34
It's always an option to start your own site with your own rules. I see nothing wrong with the jokes that were posted, personally. I have suffered quite a lot of abuse, and I seriously think that a trigger warning should be enough. We cannot protect everyone in the world from everything. Sometimes people have to take hold of their own responsibility to protect themselves. Whether this is a mental health site or not, mentally ill people are not incapable of taking action to protect themselves, in the large majority of cases, especially if all they have to do is not read a post. This site works well for a lot of people. Social is a board for more joking around and stuff. I wouldn't expect jokes about abuse on the psychology board, but on the social board I see it much more as an anything goes situation. Again, you can start your own site if you don't like the rules here. I for one am perfectly satisfied with the rules here. I am not fragile, even though I have been abused, and I do not need babysitting, even when I have been at my worst and suicidal, I could still have handled anything that was posted here.
sunnydays
Posted by fayeroe on April 22, 2007, at 23:06:29
In reply to Re: you never did answer...abuse trigger » Happyflower, posted by sunnydays on April 22, 2007, at 22:10:32
that's all well and good, but i did not think that KK would post something like she did. i saw one little part and quickly closed it. i just finished with a huge animal abuse case and i don't want to read jokes about it here.
and i don't intend to start my own website.
Posted by one woman cine on April 23, 2007, at 7:12:28
In reply to I feel animal cruelity jokes shouldn't be allowed, posted by Happyflower on April 20, 2007, at 13:15:03
knowing winks and allusions to sex with ones' therapist? Trumpet jokes and the like?
Everyone has different comfort levels and feels various things are inappropriate. It would be wonderful if folks could just respect others people's comfort zone.
Unfortunately, that doesn't happen 100% of the time.
Posted by karen_kay on April 25, 2007, at 20:35:26
In reply to Re: dear, rape triggers » karen_kay, posted by Happyflower on April 21, 2007, at 8:41:21
after rereading your post, there are some things i'd be more than willing to respond to. i'm not exactly sure how long your block lasts, but when you get back, if you're up to it, i'd be willing to cuss and discuss this issue again (if you are dear).
i've jsut found that the best form of healing is laughter. and, if you archive some of my old (old old) posts on the psych (is that the one about therapy?) board, you coudl get a more accurate portrayal of my childhood, thigns i've been through, ect. and you bet your cute little bottom i'm the first to joke about my mother, father, my dense sister (god love her).
i find it's much better to laugh about the thigns i've been through than to cry about them. i hope you are stil reading dear. and again, if you were hurt reading my jokes, i am sorry. but, i don't hesitate to stand behind something i post (unless it's jsut completely stupid, without a trigger warning or a drunken post).
once more, i'm sorry you were hurting. and if you still are, again i'm sorry.
Posted by one woman cine on April 26, 2007, at 8:53:37
In reply to let sleeping dogs lie? (or lay?) » Happyflower, posted by karen_kay on April 25, 2007, at 20:35:26
a previous quote from HF about jokes in 2005 - kk -
"I was only joking, but since that isn't excepted anymore,and some people are getting offended, well I will leave the boards so the more respectable people who are so perfect can preach to someone else. I am done here.
I will keep my babble mail open for a few days if any one of my babble friends want to keep in touch, I will give you my regular email, but I am done on the boards. So long, it was fun while it lasted and I appreciate all the SUPPORT I received, but wow, can't anyone take a joke anymore? Good bye, I will have my fun elsewhere."http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/582538.html
Kinda interesting, no?
I think the whole joke thing is in the eye of the beholder - I have had issues with the therapist sex jokes, but they haven't been banned yet - there's only triggers - which is fine by me - & I don't expect any validation from anyone as to what's wrong for me or what's right.
If it has a trigger, that should suffice as warning enough, kk.
Posted by Gabbi-2 on April 26, 2007, at 13:35:21
In reply to let sleeping dogs lie? (or lay?) » Happyflower, posted by karen_kay on April 25, 2007, at 20:35:26
I'm going to block myself after I say this, because I'm getting way too bothered by what's being posted..but
HOW IN THE HELL can someone who sends a babblemail saying "you should be chopped up and put into a stirfry" compare themselves to Martin Luther King?
Posted by zazenducke on April 26, 2007, at 13:47:56
In reply to Re: let sleeping dogs lie? (or lay?) *trigger* » karen_kay, posted by Gabbi-2 on April 26, 2007, at 13:35:21
maybe it was a play on her name if it was like bok choy or tofu or bamboo shoots or something that would go into a stirfry? then stirfry would be lighthearted not threatening wouldn't it?
someone posted something to Happyflower on another board about "herbicide" and I think that was supposed to be a joke although it was a little disconcerting to read.
many are they who go clubbing to the clubs of sensitivity
Posted by one woman cine on April 26, 2007, at 13:54:09
In reply to sensitivity clubs *trigger* » Gabbi-2, posted by zazenducke on April 26, 2007, at 13:47:56
I definitely didn't read that as a joke when it was said way back when - not at all....no way, no how -
I'm still amazed.
Posted by zazenducke on April 26, 2007, at 14:03:30
In reply to Re: sensitivity clubs *trigger*, posted by one woman cine on April 26, 2007, at 13:54:09
You may be right. I didn't see the first remark.
I didn't know what to make of the Herbicide remark
I did read and gave it the most generous interpretation possible:)
Posted by Gabbi-2 on April 26, 2007, at 14:04:05
In reply to sensitivity clubs *trigger* » Gabbi-2, posted by zazenducke on April 26, 2007, at 13:47:56
I honestly don't think I would be able to take that lightheardedly. I can't read "chop you up"
as a light play on a name. Now if someone had said "I'd like to fling that tofu out the window or something associated with tofu maybe, but saying "someone should chop *you* (my emphasis) up" gets right to my gut, And besides, if it was a joke, it certainly was no improvement on animal cruelty jokes, I'd put them on the same level.I'm not on the attack, I'm amazed.
I didn't like the jokes either, and I said so.
I don't think stating an opinion or asking a question is the same as "clubbing" someoneAnyway, now I'm going to take a break now.
I really don't want to make things meaner, and I don't want to add to anyone else feeling bad.
Posted by madeline on April 26, 2007, at 15:58:10
In reply to beating a dead horse - » karen_kay, posted by one woman cine on April 26, 2007, at 8:53:37
Look, I think there are a lot of us that are angry, frustrated and hurt. I think that is okay, there have been some hurtful things on the boards lately.
But none of us should let this turn into something that we will regret later. The way I see it is that we are all in a relationship here and we all have ownership in whether or not we continue to hurt each other, there is plenty of room for all to have their say but in my opinion, we will all be better off if we "fight right".
These are some rules of fighting that my therapist and I have worked on over the years and are basically all over the internet and any relationship self-help book you pick up. Learning how to express ourselves well without hurting people is going to be essential to keeping our relationship here going (with or without bob).
1. Use "I" language. The word "you" will, most assuredly, cause someone to become defensive. The minute we hear "You did this" or "You did that," we feel we are being judged and our automatic human reaction is to defend our position. The moment we become defensive, communication stops.
2. No "zinging." Many of us think a little, friendly "zing" or sarcastic remark is harmless. Not so. In fact, one of the number-one indicators of underlying conflict or negativity within a work environment or relationship is increased sarcasm. There is nothing harmless about it.
3. Don't "chase rabbits." Not sticking to the topic at hand, or chasing rabbits, creates a negative emotional reaction in others. When we don't stick to the point, the person trying to listen is first confused, then impatient and finally resentful.
4. Don't interrupt. It's not only rude, but it often creates the opposite of what we want to achieve. When we interrupt, we generally think we will end or reduce the length of the conversation, but the opposite is true.
5. Restate what you heard. We should make this tip a habit in all our conversations. If we have restated the other person's message correctly, their reaction will most often be, "She DID understand me!" Then you can move on to the next issue.
6. Ask questions that will clarify, not judge. A question should never begin with the word "why." That puts people on the defensive -- and we know that defensiveness stops conversation rather than continues it.
7. Stay in the today, not the yesterday. Often, when we talk about the yesterdays, we tend to throw up the past, or blame. Blaming is a judgment and automatically causes the other person to become defensive.
I personally copied these from this website (like I said they are all over the internet), but nonetheless found them to be true.http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/0,,cr7,00.html
Posted by karen_kay on April 26, 2007, at 16:58:25
In reply to Re: let sleeping dogs lie? (or lay?) *trigger* » karen_kay, posted by Gabbi-2 on April 26, 2007, at 13:35:21
because you are so delicious dear?
i'd eat you anyday darling :)
sorry to hear you'd recieve somethign like that, but you truly are delicious. and wonderous. and perfect. and gorgeous. and the list is neverending....
Posted by Dinah on April 26, 2007, at 18:06:36
In reply to sensitivity clubs *trigger* » Gabbi-2, posted by zazenducke on April 26, 2007, at 13:47:56
> many are they who go clubbing to the clubs of sensitivity
>
>Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
Dinah, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by Dinah on April 26, 2007, at 18:15:23
In reply to Re: let sleeping dogs lie? (or lay?) *trigger* » karen_kay, posted by Gabbi-2 on April 26, 2007, at 13:35:21
> HOW IN THE HELL can someone who sends a babblemail saying "you should be chopped up and put into a stirfry" compare themselves to Martin Luther King?
>
>You've been asked to be civil, so I'm going to block you from posting. I'm going to set the length at one week, but Dr. Bob may adjust that as he sees fit.
Dinah, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by zazenducke on April 26, 2007, at 18:58:31
In reply to Re: sensitivity clubs *trigger* » zazenducke, posted by Gabbi-2 on April 26, 2007, at 14:04:05
> I don't think stating an opinion or asking a question is the same as "clubbing" someone
>
I'm sorry Gabbi. I have never thought of being sensitive as a negative. I was using the phrase as in attending (go clubbing) a club of sensitivity ( cabaret type club for sensitive people?). I certainly shouldn't have posted that. It seemed like a funny image but I should have kept it private. It was ambiguous I know. I wouldn't explain at all but that I don't want you to think I meant assaulting someone with a blunt instrument. I'm sorry I speculated at all about what the other post meant too. I trust your block will not be too upsetting since you had planned a self block anyway.
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