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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crazy teresa on July 10, 2005, at 13:20:38
In reply to Re: please be civil » crazy teresa, posted by Dr. Bob on July 9, 2005, at 11:12:41
> > Most small towns are pretty small-minded in my experience.
>
> Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
>
> If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
>
> Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
>
> Thanks,
>
> BobI am curious as to how this statement would be rephrased to become "civil."
t
Posted by alexandra_k on July 10, 2005, at 19:52:18
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by crazy teresa on July 10, 2005, at 13:20:38
> > > Most small towns are pretty small-minded in my experience.
> I am curious as to how this statement would be rephrased to become "civil."
Have you really had the experience of 'most' small towns or are you generalising from a couple of them to most of them??
How about 'In my experience some small towns are pretty small-minded'. But even then did you experience most people in the small town?
How about 'Some people I know who are from small towns are pretty small-minded'.
'Small-minded' is pretty vague and rather judgemental sounding...
What do you mean by 'Small-minded'?????
Posted by crazy teresa on July 10, 2005, at 20:58:47
In reply to Re: please be civil » crazy teresa, posted by alexandra_k on July 10, 2005, at 19:52:18
> Have you really had the experience of 'most' small towns or are you generalising from a couple of them to most of them??
I have no idea what you wrote means. I am referring to the small towns I've lived in, worked in, grown up in, the people I work with and have visited in this area.> How about 'In my experience some small towns are pretty small-minded'. But even then did you experience most people in the small town?
Moving a prepositional phrase from the end to the beginning of a sentence does not change the meaning at all. I said it was my experience. In fact I went back and inserted 'in my experience' trying to be unoffensive. It's not that hard to experience people when you live with only 4,000 in the town.> How about 'Some people I know who are from small towns are pretty small-minded'.
So it would be better to be "uncivil" about the the people than an anonymous town?
> 'Small-minded' is pretty vague and rather judgemental sounding...
>
> What do you mean by 'Small-minded'?????Considering the subject, I'm sure you know what I mean. If I list all the qualities of small-mindedness, wouldn't that be even more uncivil???
I'm not being smart. I don't feel like I said anything wrong. If it was wrong I'd like to know exactly what it was. If my intent was to be uncivil, I certainly could have been in my reply to mike13, but I was not.
t
Posted by alexandra_k on July 10, 2005, at 21:16:40
In reply to Re: please be civil » alexandra_k, posted by crazy teresa on July 10, 2005, at 20:58:47
> > Have you really had the experience of 'most' small towns or are you generalising from a couple of them to most of them??
> I have no idea what you wrote means. I am referring to the small towns I've lived in, worked in, grown up in, the people I work with and have visited in this area.Right. What I was getting at was that you said 'most small towns'. But you haven't experienced 'most' small towns either in the US or in the world so you are generalising from your experience of some small towns to most small towns.
> > How about 'In my experience some small towns are pretty small-minded'. But even then did you experience most people in the small town?
> Moving a prepositional phrase from the end to the beginning of a sentence does not change the meaning at all.I changed the most to some. I thought that was less of a sweeping generalisation.
>I said it was my experience. In fact I went back and inserted 'in my experience' trying to be unoffensive. It's not that hard to experience people when you live with only 4,000 in the town.
Right. Did you have that experience in one small town or a couple?
> > How about 'Some people I know who are from small towns are pretty small-minded'.
> So it would be better to be "uncivil" about the the people than an anonymous town?I think the only way a town gets to be 'small minded' is by having a large number of 'small minded' citizens.
> > 'Small-minded' is pretty vague and rather judgemental sounding...
> > What do you mean by 'Small-minded'?????> Considering the subject, I'm sure you know what I mean. If I list all the qualities of small-mindedness, wouldn't that be even more uncivil???
I dunno. I think you might be able to say what you want to say. But you have to be careful about posters here who are from small towns thinking that you are assuming they must be small minded or that you are assuming that their town must be small minded because of your experience of some people in some towns.
> I'm not being smart.I know.
And I hope you don't think I'm being presumptuous.
Posted by crushedout on July 10, 2005, at 23:17:47
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by crazy teresa on July 10, 2005, at 13:20:38
i think there are certain things that can't be said on these boards, no matter how they're phrased -- that might be one of them. there's too much risk of offending a group of people based on a generalization (similar to racism, sexism, etc.)
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 11, 2005, at 11:11:00
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by crazy teresa on July 10, 2005, at 13:20:38
> > > Most small towns are pretty small-minded in my experience.
>
> I am curious as to how this statement would be rephrased to become "civil."Thanks for asking! How about something like:
> When I lived in small towns, I didn't feel accepted.
That's more of an I-statement, see:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040112/msgs/320097.html
Bob
Posted by Jakeman on July 12, 2005, at 21:46:46
In reply to Re: rephrased to become civil, posted by Dr. Bob on July 11, 2005, at 11:11:00
> > > > Most small towns are pretty small-minded in my experience.
> >
> > I am curious as to how this statement would be rephrased to become "civil."
>
> Thanks for asking! How about something like:
>
> > When I lived in small towns, I didn't feel accepted.
Respectfully, I have to say that her statement "in my experience" makes it clear she was not being uncivil or making broad generalizations. The suggested refrasing changes the meaning of her statement. Maybe I'm missing something somewhere. BTW I've lived in small towns all my life and was not offended.warm regards ~Jake
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