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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 10 to 34 of 58. Go back in thread:
Posted by sb417 on March 6, 2004, at 16:44:27
In reply to Re: Civility, posted by terrics on March 6, 2004, at 16:02:26
Actually, Dr. Bob did ask that poster to be civil. Dr. Bob posted on March 4th, about 4 posts below Apperceptor's original post.
Posted by fallsfall on March 6, 2004, at 17:05:40
In reply to Re: Civility » terrics, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 16:10:41
Fallen,
It would be a shame for you to leave just because the rules are confusing! I am not the best person to help you with civility questions - but there are others here who really are good with them, and understand what is and is not acceptable.
Perhaps you could post to Dr. Bob, telling him that you are confused and trying to find help in understanding what you would need to change. That might buy you some time.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 17:20:09
In reply to Re: Civility » Fallen4myT, posted by fallsfall on March 6, 2004, at 17:05:40
Falls, thanks but the thing is IF I have anything else that is against the rules out there I just do not SEE it. So I will do it again because even when I go over my other post he said was uncivil I see nothing uncivil in it. I used I statements, I said what my T said which was the person was insensitive, and telling people they should be "ashamed of themselves" for asking something of their T ..is what he made a remark to as well as calling posters *names* and so on. So when I look at my post stating how I emailed my T that post and how he replied and how I felt on it...I think its not outside of the *I* area...And I am not upset with Dr Bob. I just do not see if I am that blind/dumb on what I did wrong how will I avoid it?? I guess its just me. I wanted to say a lot of very uncivil things but refrained :) Trust ne I held my tongue. The plus of this is my T may ask me if I want a picture when I see him :) I guess what I am saying is...I STILL do not see what I did wrong...so how can you avoid doing it again if you cannot see it???
THANKS AND HUGS
Posted by Racer on March 6, 2004, at 18:00:14
In reply to Re: Civility » Elle2021, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 14:21:31
Listen, here's the one place, if any such exists, where you can get support and ask questions about how to avoid the civility pits. So many people to help answer any questions about what happened, about what people think may have crossed an invisible line, about other ways of expressing the same sentiments in, perhaps, a more positive manner. Maybe it is more positive for some people to express themselves in a manner others find offensive, but for most of us, a reminder, or constructive suggestions for rephrasing are more helpful sometimes.
Instead of saying you'll leave, to save anyone bother, how about asking Dinah to point out the specific phrases she thinks cross the line? Maybe that would help your confusion a little about what might have crossed that line?
(And I think that Dinah responded to you about your post because she'd rather keep you here, and maybe other posters aren't getting the same responses because they're either new and unknown enough that no one bothers to help them learn or they've shown themselves to be unamenable to constructive criticism. Personally, I usually try to take the compliment in the PBCs, as well as the rebuke. You know, "someone cares enough to try to help me see the error of my ways...")
Hope that helps.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 18:10:31
In reply to No, don't leave over something like this! » Fallen4myT, posted by Racer on March 6, 2004, at 18:00:14
Thanks Racer...so OK that makes sense if it is just one post I need to fix...But how do I reach her she hinted it was in PSYCH but...I have a zillion posts in there lol being she hinted I am thinking she cannot say in here...should I email her? I think I saw a email addy way back in FAQ BUT ???? Thanks that is helpful..well you all have been helpful and no matter what KNOW I do appreciate it. I just don't want to cause trouble and at the same time don't want that other poster to bash the heck out of us
HUGS AND THANKS :)
Posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 18:53:05
In reply to Civility, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 12:50:51
Please don't leave over this. Perhaps if you write Bob an email and explain what is going on, he may be more understanding. Aside from that, you are fairly new. In regard to your "I" statements: I think you may need to personalize them more. Maybe more like "I feel that you were insensitive," or something like that. I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds here. I'm only trying to help you and to get you to stay! If you are confused about which posts you should rephrase, I would be willing to go through and point out the ones I think may need it. Okay? I also don't think you need to worry about all the other posts you've written. Just the ones to Acceptor, but that's just my opinion.
Elle
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:00:49
In reply to Re: Civility » Fallen4myT, posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 18:53:05
Thanks Elle, Dr Bob noted on the boards my insensitive comment which was from my T as far as her wording...so that has been addressed I guess? Lol, I don't wanna make you go over all my posts your eyes will pop out :) but thanks..I THINK? I am ok now but ?? If you want take a look but ? I am just confused and sad that a fun thread is ruined and maybe more to come :(
{{{ ELLE}}]
Posted by gabbix2 on March 6, 2004, at 19:10:18
In reply to Re: Civility » Elle2021, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:00:49
Saying "I feel you were insensitive" sounds like it would be okay, but it still wouldn't be considered a proper I statement by the civility standards. They are like a subject in school that some people seem to have no problem with and other people just can't get.
I can't explain them well enough to make any sense I'm afraid as they don't come naturally to me either, at least not when it gets down to splitting hairs. I think the best thing to do would be to talk to Dr. Bob or Dinah.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:13:58
In reply to The Venus I trap » Fallen4myT, posted by gabbix2 on March 6, 2004, at 19:10:18
Thing is I didn't say YOU were insensitive I said
that it is very insensitive...to blah blah...lol Ill go copy and paste..it..I extended a sorry for it ...still I am lost as to why it was wrong...AND THANK YOU. :) I'll be back with the info
Posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 19:15:02
In reply to Re: Civility » Elle2021, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:00:49
I am just confused and sad that a fun thread is ruined and maybe more to come :(
Yes, I see what you mean. While there is a chance that more posts may turn into what the one in question turned into, I think the chances are pretty low. For the record, I would like to state that I do not see anything wrong with asking for a picture of your therapist. I don't have one, but I think I would like one. It seems as if it would be comforting because seeing his face seems to calm me, or remind me to slow down and think rationally. I digress.
And...now for the unsolicited advice. I know you didn't ask for it...
If I were in your situation, I would just stop posting on that particular thread. If it is upsetting you, then it isn't worth the trouble.
((((Fallen4myT))))
Elle
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:17:13
In reply to Re: The Venus I trap » gabbix2, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:13:58
Ok here is what I said...he copied that I do not recall saying her name or the word you..I was I think? all general on the abusive post
>>> to be so cruel as to chew people out for how they feel and work with their experienced therapists ... my T ... said VERY INSENSITIVE and a few more things I will not post.
>
> Fallen4myT>>
Posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 19:19:22
In reply to Re: The Venus I trap » gabbix2, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:13:58
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:22:03
In reply to Re: Civility » Fallen4myT, posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 19:15:02
Elle again thanks...I keep hoping the thread will go back to goofy fun....and too late I have posted a few more times there in part to clarify in part to fix my mistake if any....If I end up staying maybe we can start a new fun thread ..I dont have but a web picture of my T and its on my harddrive...just nice to have it. I would never ask.,.really in person I am VERY shy.
Thanks and let me know if you have time what you think on my fix? I think Dinah is not online right now?
HUGE HUGS AND THXS
Posted by gabbix2 on March 6, 2004, at 19:33:05
In reply to Re: Civility » Elle2021, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:22:03
I think repeating what your T said might be an exception to the civility rules, meaning it might be okay that you repeated that your T thought what was said was insensitive.
What I can tell you for sure is that the dramas that happen that seem irreparable that change the whole tone of a thread overnight change back just as fast, so don't despair okay? Just wait to talk to Dinah or Dr. Bob.
I remember when I though getting a PBC would be the end of the world-- that seems so funny to me now! Those were such innocent days.
Posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 19:40:31
In reply to Re: Civility » Fallen4myT, posted by gabbix2 on March 6, 2004, at 19:33:05
How about we leave that thread alone now and start a new fun one on Psychological? Any ideas?
I'm trying to brainstorm... :)
Elle
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:43:17
In reply to Re: Civility » Fallen4myT, posted by gabbix2 on March 6, 2004, at 19:33:05
Thanks...I am more confused than upset on the civility issue :) I THINK I have fixed it and am waiting on Dinah and or Dr Bob but I think Dinahs on more :) Youre all great and very supportive I really really appreciate that. I am afraid I did find a YOU deal way up on the thread but if I fix it now...its not so smart cause I think me and THE OTHER poster have agreed to let it go...so to bring it all back up would be a mess eh?
AGAIN MEGA THANKS
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:46:43
In reply to Fallen4myT, posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 19:40:31
OK GIMME A FEW MINUTES...I gotta potty :) And eat...I have been on for hours reading posts lol
I am smitten with my T and seem to like those kinds of threads but ?
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 20:05:50
In reply to Re: Fallen4myT » Elle2021, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:46:43
LOL ELLE I FOUND IT..I love it and thanks..My husband hasnt spoken to be all day he is the only human I see most days and everything that can go wrong has and your new thread was what I needed :)
Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2004, at 20:19:09
In reply to Re: No, don't leave over something like this! » Racer, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 18:10:31
I'm sorry! I was away from my computer. I just wanted to give you a heads up about the I statements. It was just the post here mainly. I haven't looked closely at the post on Psychological on the thread in question that you made *after* Dr. Bob gave you the Please Be Civil, so I don't know if that one used I statements or not. But I was pretty sure the post at the top of this thread would be a problem and wanted to give you a chance to fix it.
And Racer, this may be why I don't do this more often. I'm not sure if I didn't cause more harm than good. The road to h*ll and all that.
Give me a few minutes. I just got in. I'll try to explain more.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 20:28:06
In reply to Re: Oh good heavens! » Fallen4myT, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2004, at 20:19:09
Dinah thank you..I think I fixed it so please dont regret helping me out :) I just get lost in these fuzzy areas
Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2004, at 20:48:58
In reply to Civility, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 12:50:51
Ok, my concern was that these statements were going to earn you a block, since Dr. Bob had already warned you to be civil.
> Clearly SHE has issues she needs to work out as my T said..
Even if your therapist said it, it's against the civility guidelines to "jump to conclusions about others".
> after I emailed him her nasty post which was that he felt she was insensitve and well its all on that thread.
That first part of that statement would be fine if you leave out the "nasty". I'm not sure about the word "insensitive", since Dr. Bob has blocked people for quoting even on board statements before.
> I spoke from experience MINE on what my T said about her inflammarory post. I am confused.
Again, if you left out the word "inflammatory" that statement would be fine.
Since you asked for clarification of my original post...
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 20:54:29
In reply to Re: Civility, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2004, at 20:48:58
Dinah thank you I get it yet to be honest don't but at this point I think I did all I can. I wrote a sorry post and changed it a bit. I am lost and will watch my words but the post was insensitive the poster has since agreed so I am lost there but will watch it ..So, what else do you think I should do? And really thanks :) Youre very sweet to waste your time on my issues with writing
HUGS
Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2004, at 21:05:02
In reply to Re: Civility » Dinah, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 20:54:29
Well, the problem is, that the guidelines still don't allow you to say that someone's post was insensitive, even if the other person has agreed that it was insensitive. Someone once got blocked for doing *exactly* that. So the third sentence in the below post would be in accordance with the civility guidelines if you ended it with "watch my words". Or at least that's my take on it. I could be wrong, and I'm going to let Dr. Bob sort it all out. I must be too tired to be explaining properly. And overall, I think I may do more harm than good when I try to give a heads up. :( So I'm going to get out of the warning business.
> Dinah thank you I get it yet to be honest don't but at this point I think I did all I can. I wrote a sorry post and changed it a bit. I am lost and will watch my words but the post was insensitive the poster has since agreed so I am lost there but will watch it ..So, what else do you think I should do? And really thanks :) Youre very sweet to waste your time on my issues with writing
>
> HUGS
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 21:19:35
In reply to Re: Civility » Fallen4myT, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2004, at 21:05:02
Dinah please don't give up helping and warning people cause of me, I am just stupid and I am sure anyone else would get it. Being it is the same post he told me to be civil on I don't know why he would go back to it (?) and the same word he posted on me to be civil on but I did say sorry and thats really all I know how to do. Anyhow, thank you and do not give up you will reach others some people like me are too dense :(
Sorry :(
{{{ Dinah }}}
Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2004, at 21:24:13
In reply to Re: Civility » Dinah, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 21:19:35
I'm certainly not saying that. I just think that my warning started a firestorm and it would probably be wiser in the future to say nothing.
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