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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2004, at 13:47:55
In reply to Civility, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 12:50:51
No matter what the content of a post, Dr. Bob requires that we follow the civility guidelines in replying. That means no accusations leveled against the other poster. If you express your opinion about the post, you have to do it with "I statements", stating how you feel without saying that the other poster or the post was rude or nasty or anything like that. I posted a link to the FAQ on that thread already. You can also look up to the top of the page, and click on the Please be Civil in tiny print to get to the same place. I gave my understanding of I statements in this post
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040112/msgs/320097.html
It doesn't matter if you think you're right and the other person is wrong. It doesn't even matter what Dr. Bob thinks. It's just against the rules.
I have to warn you, Fallen, that you've already received a Please Be Civil from Dr. Bob and the next step is a block if you continue to do what he asked you not to do. So you might want to look over your post here and your one on Psychology and try to rephrase them as "I statements" before Dr. Bob gets back to the board.
That's just a friendly heads up. You can look through the archives and see what sort of things get blocks.
Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2004, at 13:48:55
In reply to Civility, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 12:50:51
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 14:03:22
In reply to Re: Civility » Fallen4myT, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2004, at 13:47:55
Thanks Dinah, I really did read the FAQ's and I must be dumb cause I don't see how I am messing up, honestly. I THINK (?) I said I and MY therapist and all but ? Even if I find a mistake I made I cannot edit it. I see no edit option. I do think I didn't upset a lot of people and disrupt a thread like someone else. I think Dr Bob don't need to block me that I will just graciously go. I cannot edit what is already up and I think youre saying I messed up more but still I don't know where it is or what so I guess I will just go :( I think it is sad that someone who came here to disrupt and seems to have done a great job even calling things we do stupid and so on is still here playing. That's just what I think. Anyhow THANK YOU you have been always very nice and helpful to me and it is appreciated I also thank Dr Bob for the cool board and my time on it.
HUGS
Posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 14:12:41
In reply to Re: Civility » Dinah, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 14:03:22
>Even if I find a mistake I made I cannot edit it. I see no edit option.
You can't edit a post you've already posted. I think what Dinah means is that you may want to go back to your posts in question and rephrase the statements Bob will find uncivil. It would be a new post altogether. I've gotten in trouble for using the word "disgusting" before. Hopefully that will give you an idea of what to change.
(((((Fallen4myT))))))
Elle
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 14:21:31
In reply to Re: Civility, posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 14:12:41
Aww thanks Elle...if one can get kicked out of here for being *incredibly stupid* it will be me :( So to spare Dr Bob and all the disruption I think I will just leave. I have a zillion threads I have made comments in and I don't know how to find them ALL and fix them. I can relook in that one thread that use to be fun..but other than that..I am a sitting duck. :-/ and it just seems to me to be best to be polite and just not post and go to spare Dr Bob the trouble and all.
{{{{ elle}}}} and {{{ ALL }}} THANKS !!!
Posted by terrics on March 6, 2004, at 16:02:26
In reply to Re: Civility, posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 14:12:41
Somehow I think the 'problem person' failed the 'civility' test, but Dr. B. did not ask her to be civil. terrics
Posted by terrics on March 6, 2004, at 16:04:09
In reply to Re: Civility, posted by terrics on March 6, 2004, at 16:02:26
Sorry Elle, It was a general post not specific to you. terrics
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 16:10:41
In reply to Re: Civility, posted by terrics on March 6, 2004, at 16:02:26
Thanks Terrics I know and I was stunned. :( and very upset and hurt as were many by what she said and HOW she said it. But when you see me gone you know why and I shall miss you. I am looing for a site for you before I go...on SI...I do not believe a word that other person posted it seems to ME she came to disrupt and did a great job. I do not really buy into her game. Its sad to see. That I address somewhere above on another thread in here I started
{{ Terrics ))
Posted by sb417 on March 6, 2004, at 16:44:27
In reply to Re: Civility, posted by terrics on March 6, 2004, at 16:02:26
Actually, Dr. Bob did ask that poster to be civil. Dr. Bob posted on March 4th, about 4 posts below Apperceptor's original post.
Posted by fallsfall on March 6, 2004, at 17:05:40
In reply to Re: Civility » terrics, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 16:10:41
Fallen,
It would be a shame for you to leave just because the rules are confusing! I am not the best person to help you with civility questions - but there are others here who really are good with them, and understand what is and is not acceptable.
Perhaps you could post to Dr. Bob, telling him that you are confused and trying to find help in understanding what you would need to change. That might buy you some time.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 17:20:09
In reply to Re: Civility » Fallen4myT, posted by fallsfall on March 6, 2004, at 17:05:40
Falls, thanks but the thing is IF I have anything else that is against the rules out there I just do not SEE it. So I will do it again because even when I go over my other post he said was uncivil I see nothing uncivil in it. I used I statements, I said what my T said which was the person was insensitive, and telling people they should be "ashamed of themselves" for asking something of their T ..is what he made a remark to as well as calling posters *names* and so on. So when I look at my post stating how I emailed my T that post and how he replied and how I felt on it...I think its not outside of the *I* area...And I am not upset with Dr Bob. I just do not see if I am that blind/dumb on what I did wrong how will I avoid it?? I guess its just me. I wanted to say a lot of very uncivil things but refrained :) Trust ne I held my tongue. The plus of this is my T may ask me if I want a picture when I see him :) I guess what I am saying is...I STILL do not see what I did wrong...so how can you avoid doing it again if you cannot see it???
THANKS AND HUGS
Posted by Racer on March 6, 2004, at 18:00:14
In reply to Re: Civility » Elle2021, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 14:21:31
Listen, here's the one place, if any such exists, where you can get support and ask questions about how to avoid the civility pits. So many people to help answer any questions about what happened, about what people think may have crossed an invisible line, about other ways of expressing the same sentiments in, perhaps, a more positive manner. Maybe it is more positive for some people to express themselves in a manner others find offensive, but for most of us, a reminder, or constructive suggestions for rephrasing are more helpful sometimes.
Instead of saying you'll leave, to save anyone bother, how about asking Dinah to point out the specific phrases she thinks cross the line? Maybe that would help your confusion a little about what might have crossed that line?
(And I think that Dinah responded to you about your post because she'd rather keep you here, and maybe other posters aren't getting the same responses because they're either new and unknown enough that no one bothers to help them learn or they've shown themselves to be unamenable to constructive criticism. Personally, I usually try to take the compliment in the PBCs, as well as the rebuke. You know, "someone cares enough to try to help me see the error of my ways...")
Hope that helps.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 18:10:31
In reply to No, don't leave over something like this! » Fallen4myT, posted by Racer on March 6, 2004, at 18:00:14
Thanks Racer...so OK that makes sense if it is just one post I need to fix...But how do I reach her she hinted it was in PSYCH but...I have a zillion posts in there lol being she hinted I am thinking she cannot say in here...should I email her? I think I saw a email addy way back in FAQ BUT ???? Thanks that is helpful..well you all have been helpful and no matter what KNOW I do appreciate it. I just don't want to cause trouble and at the same time don't want that other poster to bash the heck out of us
HUGS AND THANKS :)
Posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 18:53:05
In reply to Civility, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 12:50:51
Please don't leave over this. Perhaps if you write Bob an email and explain what is going on, he may be more understanding. Aside from that, you are fairly new. In regard to your "I" statements: I think you may need to personalize them more. Maybe more like "I feel that you were insensitive," or something like that. I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds here. I'm only trying to help you and to get you to stay! If you are confused about which posts you should rephrase, I would be willing to go through and point out the ones I think may need it. Okay? I also don't think you need to worry about all the other posts you've written. Just the ones to Acceptor, but that's just my opinion.
Elle
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:00:49
In reply to Re: Civility » Fallen4myT, posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 18:53:05
Thanks Elle, Dr Bob noted on the boards my insensitive comment which was from my T as far as her wording...so that has been addressed I guess? Lol, I don't wanna make you go over all my posts your eyes will pop out :) but thanks..I THINK? I am ok now but ?? If you want take a look but ? I am just confused and sad that a fun thread is ruined and maybe more to come :(
{{{ ELLE}}]
Posted by gabbix2 on March 6, 2004, at 19:10:18
In reply to Re: Civility » Elle2021, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:00:49
Saying "I feel you were insensitive" sounds like it would be okay, but it still wouldn't be considered a proper I statement by the civility standards. They are like a subject in school that some people seem to have no problem with and other people just can't get.
I can't explain them well enough to make any sense I'm afraid as they don't come naturally to me either, at least not when it gets down to splitting hairs. I think the best thing to do would be to talk to Dr. Bob or Dinah.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:13:58
In reply to The Venus I trap » Fallen4myT, posted by gabbix2 on March 6, 2004, at 19:10:18
Thing is I didn't say YOU were insensitive I said
that it is very insensitive...to blah blah...lol Ill go copy and paste..it..I extended a sorry for it ...still I am lost as to why it was wrong...AND THANK YOU. :) I'll be back with the info
Posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 19:15:02
In reply to Re: Civility » Elle2021, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:00:49
I am just confused and sad that a fun thread is ruined and maybe more to come :(
Yes, I see what you mean. While there is a chance that more posts may turn into what the one in question turned into, I think the chances are pretty low. For the record, I would like to state that I do not see anything wrong with asking for a picture of your therapist. I don't have one, but I think I would like one. It seems as if it would be comforting because seeing his face seems to calm me, or remind me to slow down and think rationally. I digress.
And...now for the unsolicited advice. I know you didn't ask for it...
If I were in your situation, I would just stop posting on that particular thread. If it is upsetting you, then it isn't worth the trouble.
((((Fallen4myT))))
Elle
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:17:13
In reply to Re: The Venus I trap » gabbix2, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:13:58
Ok here is what I said...he copied that I do not recall saying her name or the word you..I was I think? all general on the abusive post
>>> to be so cruel as to chew people out for how they feel and work with their experienced therapists ... my T ... said VERY INSENSITIVE and a few more things I will not post.
>
> Fallen4myT>>
Posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 19:19:22
In reply to Re: The Venus I trap » gabbix2, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:13:58
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:22:03
In reply to Re: Civility » Fallen4myT, posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 19:15:02
Elle again thanks...I keep hoping the thread will go back to goofy fun....and too late I have posted a few more times there in part to clarify in part to fix my mistake if any....If I end up staying maybe we can start a new fun thread ..I dont have but a web picture of my T and its on my harddrive...just nice to have it. I would never ask.,.really in person I am VERY shy.
Thanks and let me know if you have time what you think on my fix? I think Dinah is not online right now?
HUGE HUGS AND THXS
Posted by gabbix2 on March 6, 2004, at 19:33:05
In reply to Re: Civility » Elle2021, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:22:03
I think repeating what your T said might be an exception to the civility rules, meaning it might be okay that you repeated that your T thought what was said was insensitive.
What I can tell you for sure is that the dramas that happen that seem irreparable that change the whole tone of a thread overnight change back just as fast, so don't despair okay? Just wait to talk to Dinah or Dr. Bob.
I remember when I though getting a PBC would be the end of the world-- that seems so funny to me now! Those were such innocent days.
Posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 19:40:31
In reply to Re: Civility » Fallen4myT, posted by gabbix2 on March 6, 2004, at 19:33:05
How about we leave that thread alone now and start a new fun one on Psychological? Any ideas?
I'm trying to brainstorm... :)
Elle
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:43:17
In reply to Re: Civility » Fallen4myT, posted by gabbix2 on March 6, 2004, at 19:33:05
Thanks...I am more confused than upset on the civility issue :) I THINK I have fixed it and am waiting on Dinah and or Dr Bob but I think Dinahs on more :) Youre all great and very supportive I really really appreciate that. I am afraid I did find a YOU deal way up on the thread but if I fix it now...its not so smart cause I think me and THE OTHER poster have agreed to let it go...so to bring it all back up would be a mess eh?
AGAIN MEGA THANKS
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:46:43
In reply to Fallen4myT, posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 19:40:31
OK GIMME A FEW MINUTES...I gotta potty :) And eat...I have been on for hours reading posts lol
I am smitten with my T and seem to like those kinds of threads but ?
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