Psycho-Babble Administration Thread 288655

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Sorry Dinah, Crushed out..It sucks.

Posted by gabbix2 on December 15, 2003, at 19:00:40

In reply to Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking » Dinah, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2003, at 9:11:43

The only thing that surprises me is the new ways Bob manages to surprise me.. It used to be the
ways he found to block people on technicalities in well meaning posts and now its the reverse.
Its crazy making.

I believe its unethical.
I believe St James just said it best.
Change just isn't going to happen

God got lost in the religion

 

Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking » Dr. Bob

Posted by tabitha on December 15, 2003, at 19:06:12

In reply to Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking, posted by Dr. Bob on December 15, 2003, at 8:36:39

For goodness sake, Bob, at the very very best it was a tough love post. He listed about a dozen of Dinah's supposed flaws, then at the end said this 'What you are reluctant to accept is that you've always been "enough"... ' which I read as a sort of back-handed compliment. Where did he get the idea that Dinah doesn't think she's enough, or that she's relucant to accept it? It had nothing to do with her original post. Pure speculation and does not sound supportive to me.

You've PBC'd tough love posts before that contained much less naming of the other person's supposed problems, but you let this one by. Look at the context, Dinah was trying to fill in some missing bits of memory of a traumatic experience, and that post suggested her memory was delusional. Delusional. What could be more unsupportive than that?

 

Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking

Posted by kara lynne on December 15, 2003, at 19:33:32

In reply to Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking » Dr. Bob, posted by tabitha on December 15, 2003, at 19:06:12

Why do I feel like this is a patriarchal bias?

 

Because you're an intelligent woman (nm) » kara lynne

Posted by gabbix2 on December 15, 2003, at 19:52:53

In reply to Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking, posted by kara lynne on December 15, 2003, at 19:33:32

 

Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking » kara lynne

Posted by crushedout on December 15, 2003, at 23:53:22

In reply to Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking, posted by kara lynne on December 15, 2003, at 19:33:32

> Why do I feel like this is a patriarchal bias?

At the risk of sounding paranoid (to Bob) along with you, I had the EXACT same inkling. It really smells awful.

 

Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking » crushedout

Posted by gabbix2 on December 16, 2003, at 0:47:35

In reply to Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking » kara lynne, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2003, at 23:53:22

Its not the first time the sexism issue has been raised. When I first started posting here I really didn't pay much attention. I see the pattern now.

Unfortunately in both the time I've been here and after looking into the archives I've seen many intelligent articulate caring people drive themselves crazy trying to find reason where there is none to be had.

 

Would that it engendered equal merit. (nm)

Posted by kara lynne on December 16, 2003, at 0:50:36

In reply to Because you're an intelligent woman (nm) » kara lynne, posted by gabbix2 on December 15, 2003, at 19:52:53

 

Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking

Posted by kara lynne on December 16, 2003, at 0:51:37

In reply to Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking » kara lynne, posted by crushedout on December 15, 2003, at 23:53:22

It is kind of stinky around here.

 

Re: Vote with your feet, folks, and leave. » stjames

Posted by crushedout on December 16, 2003, at 1:00:07

In reply to Vote with your feet, folks, and leave. (nm), posted by stjames on December 15, 2003, at 12:44:03


like dr. bob cares if we leave. we'd just be shooting ourselves in the feet. i wish there was something productive we could do for OURSELVES since trying to reason with that man or getting him to acknowledge his own mistakes is like banging your head against one of the hardest brick walls i've ever tried to bang my head against (and that's saying a lot).

 

Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking

Posted by kara lynne on December 16, 2003, at 2:03:23

In reply to Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking, posted by kara lynne on December 16, 2003, at 0:51:37

I think it's Calvin Klein's: 'Contradiction', for men.

 

Well...

Posted by fallsfall on December 16, 2003, at 7:18:37

In reply to Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking, posted by kara lynne on December 16, 2003, at 2:03:23

We could post on our favorite boards about the problems we have. We could post supportive responses to other people. I find things that I can do that are helpful and productive.

Signed,
Pollyanna

 

not touching that... » kara lynne

Posted by justyourlaugh on December 16, 2003, at 8:30:16

In reply to Re: grumbling and obligatory thinking, posted by kara lynne on December 16, 2003, at 2:03:23

have to leave that one alone so i dont get banned
kara ..
happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts

 

Re: Well......

Posted by Dinah on December 16, 2003, at 9:50:30

In reply to not touching that... » kara lynne, posted by justyourlaugh on December 16, 2003, at 8:30:16

Obviously I was hurt by Dr. Bob calling a post that referred to my delusions, grumbling, and disorganized mind supportive. But on the other hand, I don't see it as a patriarchal thing. Just an insensitive thing.

I have enough esteem for myself to think that I am even more than "enough". I have enough esteem for myself that I have no wish to be addressed like that. I had hoped that Dr. Bob would have enough esteem for me, and for all of us, not to want that either. I am disappointed to discover that is untrue.

I actually no longer think the original poster meant anything personal by it. He seems to tell the same sort of things to everyone.

But that doesn't make it acceptable under the current civility guidelines in my eyes.

And so I refuse to be shackled by the imperatives of others telling me what I should do in order to be cured in an instant. I refused to accept the blaming (grumbling, delusional, disorganized) words of others. I refuse to accept overgeneralizations and people who don't know me jumping to conclusions about me.

The past is past. Dr. Bob never gives retroactive PBC's. But I hope that in the future, Dr. Bob joins me in not accepting the above, many of which are, after all, embodied in the civility guidelines.

 

Re: Clarification

Posted by Dinah on December 16, 2003, at 10:12:34

In reply to Re: Well......, posted by Dinah on December 16, 2003, at 9:50:30

When I said (grumbling, delusional, disorganized), I meant them as examples, not further adjectives.

 

Re: Well...... » Dinah

Posted by judy1 on December 16, 2003, at 10:52:46

In reply to Re: Well......, posted by Dinah on December 16, 2003, at 9:50:30

Dinah,
I didn't want to get involved in this thread simply because I felt my voice would not help. What I do want to post is how much I admire your grace in your last post, and I hope if I'm ever exposed (again, it has happened to me in the past also), I'll be able to respond as well as you just did.
take care of yourself, judy

 

Re: Thank you. (nm) » judy1

Posted by Dinah on December 16, 2003, at 11:21:14

In reply to Re: Well...... » Dinah, posted by judy1 on December 16, 2003, at 10:52:46

 

Re: That's some good healthy thinking there (nm) » Dinah

Posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 15:40:36

In reply to Re: Well......, posted by Dinah on December 16, 2003, at 9:50:30

 

Re: Well......

Posted by Dr. Bob on December 16, 2003, at 17:34:28

In reply to Re: Well......, posted by Dinah on December 16, 2003, at 9:50:30

> Supportive? Well, this is why I stayed out of this, and why I wish you had too, Dr. Bob.

I was trying to respond to questions. Sorry I re-opened the wound.

In retrospect, I do think I shouldn't have let it go. The main points may have been OK -- memories can be a mixture of real and filled-in, the quest for knowing "why" can be a distraction, you should feel good about yourself -- but there were problems with exactly how that was expressed. "Delusions" has the wrong connotations, and "undisciplined", "impulsive", and "grumbling" certainly could lead someone to feel accused or put down. Sorry about that.

> I refuse to be shackled by the imperatives of others telling me what I should do in order to be cured in an instant. I refused to accept the blaming ... words of others. I refuse to accept overgeneralizations and people who don't know me jumping to conclusions about me.

Good!

> I feel sorry for those you refuse to enforce that rule for because they have to be be the recipient of such a "supportive" post before they can invoke the rule.

Well, the thing is, they won't necessarily receive a post like that...

Bob

 

Re: Well......

Posted by noa on December 16, 2003, at 19:11:54

In reply to Re: Well......, posted by Dr. Bob on December 16, 2003, at 17:34:28

Dr. Bob, I'm glad you finally see the problem with that post.

OK, now....how do we learn from this administratively?

If someone feels that you might have not seen or not recognized the content of a post that could cause someone to feel put down, how can we expedite calling it to your attention? It seems there was a lot of frustration and pain in the process following your orignial decision here. Is there any way for someone to raise the urgency level of their grievance that will help bring the issue to your attention more readily?

Thanks.

 

Re: Thank you (nm) » Dr. Bob

Posted by Dinah on December 16, 2003, at 20:08:18

In reply to Re: Well......, posted by Dr. Bob on December 16, 2003, at 17:34:28

 

Re: learning from this

Posted by Dr. Bob on December 17, 2003, at 10:05:19

In reply to Re: Well......, posted by noa on December 16, 2003, at 19:11:54

> OK, now....how do we learn from this administratively?
>
> If someone feels that you might have not seen or not recognized the content of a post that could cause someone to feel put down, how can we expedite calling it to your attention?

Good question. To call my attention to something, post here and email me. But if the issue is me being dense about it, I don't know, try coming at it from another angle?

Bob

 

Re: learning from this » Dr. Bob

Posted by zenhussy on December 17, 2003, at 10:16:01

In reply to Re: learning from this, posted by Dr. Bob on December 17, 2003, at 10:05:19

>> OK, now....how do we learn from this administratively?
>> If someone feels that you might have not seen or not recognized the content of a post that could cause someone to feel put down, how can we expedite calling it to your attention?

> Good question. To call my attention to something, post here and email me. But if the issue is me being dense about it, I don't know, try coming at it from another angle?
> Bob

How do we tell the people who have left the board due to 'issues of your being dense' (as you say above because I am not trying to stir things up here) about your new request to 'try coming at it from another angle'? They left because they ran out of angles to approach you from! I know many who were the core of your published research who no longer use the boards due to differences about how this board is administrated.

They left due to the very fact that their words went unheard when they tried to bring matters to your attention. Particularly in the area of posting to you or e-mailing you regarding a perceived (usually very real) put down. Now with this policy change I wonder if we'll see or hear from so many from the past?

zenhussy

 

Re: learning from this » zenhussy

Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2003, at 15:41:07

In reply to Re: learning from this » Dr. Bob, posted by zenhussy on December 17, 2003, at 10:16:01

Is that a policy change? I thought we were always free to try to tell Dr. Bob something as many ways as we like if we think he's being dense. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

I guess sometimes he agrees with us that he was being dense, and has an ah-hah moment. Other times, he continues to think he's right, no matter what we think.

Sounds like every single person in the world to me. :)

 

Re: Vote with your feet, folks, and leave.

Posted by stjames on December 18, 2003, at 13:25:13

In reply to Re: Vote with your feet, folks, and leave. » stjames, posted by crushedout on December 16, 2003, at 1:00:07

we'd just be shooting ourselves in the feet.

There are things we can do and they do not involve this kind of thinking:

i wish there was something productive we could do for OURSELVES since trying to reason with that man or getting him to acknowledge his own mistakes is like banging your head against one of the hardest brick walls i've ever tried to bang my head against (and that's saying a lot).

 

Re: Vote with your feet, folks, and leave. » stjames

Posted by crushedout on December 18, 2003, at 15:03:44

In reply to Re: Vote with your feet, folks, and leave., posted by stjames on December 18, 2003, at 13:25:13

> we'd just be shooting ourselves in the feet.
>
> There are things we can do and they do not involve this kind of thinking:

what do you mean? what kind of thinking? i was just wishing, not thinking. and describing how i was feeling. and if i was thinking, i'm not sure what was wrong with it. or what you are suggesting we do besides leave.


>
> i wish there was something productive we could do for OURSELVES since trying to reason with that man or getting him to acknowledge his own mistakes is like banging your head against one of the hardest brick walls i've ever tried to bang my head against (and that's saying a lot).
>
>


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