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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on May 4, 2012, at 1:58:31
It's 1:31am, usally at night is when I have higher dopamine levels, and I post things here drbob that I wake up and say oh my god...and then try to ignore that I ever posted it. But I am going to post this because I have to get this out...regardless of how much regret I will feel in the morning.
____________________________________________I know that I have a drug problem, and it really makes me mad when everytime I try to relieve myself from this state its seen as act of an addict. I'm not gonna argue talk about it anymore because I won't make a diffrence what I say, or try to prove..I've already wrote long posts and got no responses. So I guess I'm going to have to live with this loathed label. Anyways, now like I said before my use of methamphetamine is not regular, its only occational if not vary rare, and frankly I hate to be stating this because the internet is watching and I hate to reveal something that may not even be valid because millions of people use presciption and illegal drugs, its all about the nessesity where to get it. Either way, I have say illegal and black market items the way in getting them is dirty..joe blows house of pleasure can be concrete floors, nasty nasty nasty bedrooms and bathrooms. I can't believe I have let this happen to myself, I used to be much more morally minded but since all these failure of life, and failed expectations of myself...its like that's the last resort, the badlands. This does not happen often, please do not get this confused with happening everyday or everyweek, its rare. Trying to avoid emotional distress from the result of my life...its impending to come. I mean I can't just sit in sorrow and cry, I mean good is that going to do... and I really think this is what makes my mind want to contact the spirit relm for help. But let me get to the point, today...I walked around and it's like im trying to reach God and whatever and I can't do it because my mind is in this boring mental state vary primitive like, no thoughts of intellectization or being able to sit down and read about God in theology. It's all gone...and I feel alone..I don't socialize well, even when i'm placed in a social areana, it doesnt work..i don't talk and I lose my thought processes during a conversation and jump from one subject to the next to avoid humilation. I just wished that I could figure out, how to undo all this. And its ok if you don't know how to respond to this...i just searching for something spiritual to give me hope because my earthly body has failed, not saying gonna fail for good but it feels like it because I am still in the place that I was 10 years ago...well that's all. Read it, this is my life. Goodbye.
Mattthis is something I long to do:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzMGDdUyHkQ
Posted by SLS on May 4, 2012, at 7:46:50
In reply to reconclile - please read, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on May 4, 2012, at 1:58:31
There is no reason why you can't explore the spiritual along with the corporeal.
You are self-medicating. It helps relieve you from the pain and frustration of depression. I am not to be your judge. I do understand your actions, but I hope that you will soon find a better way to treat your condition. I think your tendency towards amphetamine addiction is an indicator of your dysfunctional neurobiology. A drug called Abilify might help. It can act as an antidepressant. It has also demonstrated an ability to reduce the pleasure and reward effects, along with the cravings for cocaine use. Perhaps it would help with amphetamine use as well. That's just a guess, though. I'll need to research this.
I just found this. It is a comprehensive study of the use of Abilify (aripiprazole) in humans to treat amphetamine dependence.
http://www.nature.com/npp/journal/v30/n11/full/1300803a.html
Abilify and amphetamine dependence is analogous to buprenorphine and heroin dependence. These drugs are both partial agonists of the receptors that produce their respective behavioral effects. They limit the high and reduce cravings.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on May 4, 2012, at 10:02:41
In reply to Re: reconclile - please read - Not to judge. » rjlockhart04-08, posted by SLS on May 4, 2012, at 7:46:50
Scott where do you find all this info. Seems abilify has many actions unknown before. Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on May 4, 2012, at 14:59:57
In reply to Re: reconclile - please read - Not to judge. » rjlockhart04-08, posted by SLS on May 4, 2012, at 7:46:50
SLS, yes thank you for your response...I just don't know if people understand the amount of regret and longing to do the vary things I always wanted to have...going out and being normal in social sitautions, having alot of freinds. I get frozen and won't say anything in social arenas, my thoughts lose their track of coherancy and I avoid at all costs of something to think I'm an idiot..and avoid the result of humilation. The sunstances I've used to mask or let up this boring mental state, cannabis will make talk alot more but it causes derealization and I will act vary wierd thinking im in another reality. Methamphetamine clears my thoughts, causes me to be calm but at the same time I talk vary rapidly, and it causes me to become obessesed with whatever I'm doing that intrests me...hyperfocus...its a bit diffrent from amphetamine since its effects are more pronounced. But still, Its dirty and will cause me to lose weight rapidly in just a couple days. There is no way that I could use it over and over again, because it causes my lips to dry and become vary red like I have lipstick or dark reddish tint to it, and if I repeatedly kept doing it it would cause psychiatric abnormalies. It manipulates dopamine like using a car with all the chemicals running at a high velocity state, which would eventually tear down the car. I am vary aware of what this will cause, but the point is I have only used it a couple times, its not an everyday issues or a weekly issue, just a once and a while event. I really hope Im not imply that this is a daily problem, because those cases require intervention by medical professionals and hospitals.
I am currely on Lamicital 50mg, I will ask about abilify. Thanks Scott.
Matt
Posted by Solstice on May 6, 2012, at 9:50:56
In reply to Re: reconclile - please read - Not to judge., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on May 4, 2012, at 14:59:57
> I am currely on Lamicital 50mg, I will ask about abilify. Thanks Scott.
>
> MattThat was a really good post by Scott, Matt. Did you just recently start Lamictal? I've seen Lamictal do wonderful things to relieve the kind of depressive symptoms you exhibit. It usually takes a higher dose,though.. and unfortunately Lamictal has to be titrated very, very slowly. I hope your doctor is in the process of titrating you upward to a therapeutic dose, and it can work very well with medications like Abilify, Geodon, Latuda, Saphris. There is a young person in my life, 23 yrs old, who I care a lot about. I think my interest in you might be because a lot of the symptoms you exhibit are very similar (except my young friend has not fallen into self-medicating). Anyway, he takes a very high dose of Lamictal - I think in the neighborhood of 800mg/day - split doses. He also takes Adderall XR for severe ADHD, and I think he takes low dose Zoloft. Bottom line, though, is that it was the high-dose Lamictal that hit the sweet spot for him. It relieved his obsessive thinking, his frequently erratic mood swings (like going from depressed, to inconsolable). And relief from those things made him feel more confident. He is somewhat learning disabled, which I think is the source of a lot of his own pain. He's had difficulty establishing relationships with peers because he's just not as sophisticated in his thinking as they are - yet he's certainly bright enough to recognize that he's not keeping up. Similar to what you describe, he will get in conversations with peers and find himself talking in circles - because he doesn't think fast enough to keep up - and also because when conversations get complicated he can't follow it. So he does what you do in order to try to avoid feeling humiliated, but ends up feeling that way anyway. Anyway, he's been taking medications over the years since preschool, and it really does seem that Lamictal has hit that sweet spot for him where he's more accepting of himself. He really is a very, very dear young man.. and he has suffered a lot of emotional pain because he has had such a hard time feeling like he cannot find where he fits - because he feels incompetent compared to others his age. It's been heartbreaking for me to watch. I'm just so happy to see and hear him sounding more at peace with himself, and I really do attribute much of it to the Lamictal.
And by the way, they do periodic blood levels on him because of his high dose, and his blood levels are fine. My understanding is that his metabolism might be responsible for him needing such a high dose to achieve therapeutic effect.
Solstice
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