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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart on May 24, 2007, at 21:55:56
Hey,
I havent posted here in a long time, i thought i was better im not. Worse.
What i have been realizing i have been doing is putting on a "mask", in the day im fine, but really its not me, its the mask that has a thousant diffrent images of myself inside, or little clips of myself to hide this depression, it works, but it can fall off.
Currently i am taking Prozac 30mg, my doctor, well i havent seen him in a while.... i just dont know, should i go on multiple antidepressants?
On my myspace....... actaully here it is....
http://www.myspace.com/mattmcconathyLook at me.......... i look fine.
Listen this is me when im down, i just am so unhappy with life, my life, im so depressed that i dont even want to even post here, i dont even have the energy or motivation, because through my eyes life is so almost lifeless, it brings tears to my eyes that i dont feel i have control.
You know that sound of the noise you here when kids are a baby over there beds, the baby music, i cannot take it, i will almost start crying myself, i have to get away from it, Ill just almost have a breakdown in crying, I feel just so worthless, omg...........im now almost starting to just cry. What is crying going to do? help?
Let me just get over it..........i have got a job that pays very well, i sell products per house actually its called Vector, (cutco) it pays 15$ per house, plus commission. In a way i want to do this, and a way its killing me going to training because what happens after and i just decide not to do it, i mean after some weeks or months.
What causing some of this depression is not feeling in control of my life. Not feeling in control of my emotions, not inside.
I dont even know how or how im going to make it tommorow for the 7 hour high intensity training that requires maximium attention. Today i put on so many role plays as i was buiness like, and i did a good job, i kept focused, Prozac somewhat helped.
I just have a problem with dealing with life, im on Xanax, others...
I dont know, im back to numb right now.
What ever happens tommorow happens.
rj
Posted by Phillipa on May 24, 2007, at 22:08:25
In reply to I am very depressed please will you help, posted by rjlockhart on May 24, 2007, at 21:55:56
Matt when is the last time you saw your pdoc? Give him a call maybe a med adjustment. Love Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart on May 24, 2007, at 22:43:53
In reply to I am very depressed please will you help, posted by rjlockhart on May 24, 2007, at 21:55:56
i know but it just feel my spirit is down. I wished there was something i could do that would broaden me.
I just maybe ill call and ask increase on prozac to 40mg.
The only thing if i did take muliple antidepressants is wellbutrin, and strattera. I cant take other SSRI's with prozac.
But thanks Phillipa
Posted by Jedi on May 25, 2007, at 3:23:49
In reply to I am very depressed please will you help, posted by rjlockhart on May 24, 2007, at 21:55:56
RJ,
I played the same game you did for about 25 years. It is called dysthymia(low level chronic depression). Mine was atypical as I had low levels of energy, oversleeping, social withdrawl and shyness. In my field of expertise I would succeed but outside of that, I was usually is the "Black Hole" My favorite saying was "fake it till you make it". I was very sucessfull but the depression and social anxiety were always there. I really pushed myself because somehow I knew the major depression was coming. It really runs in my family. I have had at least three first cousins and an uncle that have suicided.Anyway, when the major depression did hit, I was right on the verge of being financially independent. I owned and managed a million dollar per year networking and computer equipment company. I also owned and managed over fifty residential rentals. And had a new baby that relied on me. When I got really sick, something had to go; it wasn't my child! I made the biggest financial mistake of my life by selling my networking company to my best technical person. He had zero assets to back up a big mouth. I had hard money offers for the business but I had promised this guy that he would get the biggest piece. Well you guessed it, it less than two years he took a multi million dollar company to less than zero. He would manage the people by locking himself in his office and having them E-Mail him. I could have played the revenge card and sued him into bankruptsy, but that would not of helped me. Then on top of everything else, he took the best guys and started a new business. This really pissed me off, maybe I should have just sued him for spite. I'm venting a lot here and this was ten years ago. It should not even be part of my thought process at this time. But the point is, I was so close to being able to care for my wife and child, no matter what happened. Then one bad decision tossed this hard earned success out the window. Ok, I'm ranting.
Good Luck,
Jedi
Posted by Paulbwell on May 25, 2007, at 11:38:20
In reply to Re: I am very depressed please will you help, posted by rjlockhart on May 24, 2007, at 22:43:53
> i know but it just feel my spirit is down. I wished there was something i could do that would broaden me.
>
> I just maybe ill call and ask increase on prozac to 40mg.
>
> The only thing if i did take muliple antidepressants is wellbutrin, and strattera. I cant take other SSRI's with prozac.
>
> But thanks Phillipa
hey dude, more drugs i don't think is the answer-(i don't have a licence to practice medicine) but have taken more psych drugs than most Docs i'v seen.You have a good outdoor job-go for it Matt!!, maybe you can make a difference in someones life?
God bless
Posted by rjlockhart on May 27, 2007, at 0:44:18
In reply to Re: I am very depressed please will you help » rjlockhart, posted by Jedi on May 25, 2007, at 3:23:49
No no,
you not ranting, i read your thing about your life, wow, listen i do put up many frounts that im not depressed, but i am when i wake up or in my dreams, im miserable, i look like a guy who has it together, im not, really i am very unstable, stress makes me go beserk, i had to stay in a meeting for a freaking 7 hours with nothing but statisics, inforation about residents, and practicing on confrutations.Depression will try ruin my life, i wont let it, if i have to go to a doctors, pastors, anything, thank you for your testoimony. That was very helpful.
I mean, do you ever feel you about to just let out of your body it is so bad, out of body expereince, had it one time before, caused when anxiety is so bad, i mean everything does look real, your in a dream. This happened to me at a meeting.
thank you for your testimony.
I work alot so that why im not posting but for a while i was so depressed i could not even type or think.
thanks jedi
Posted by rjlockhart on May 27, 2007, at 0:47:24
In reply to Re: I am very depressed please will you help » rjlockhart, posted by Paulbwell on May 25, 2007, at 11:38:20
This is a high stress job, i never thought it was going to this way.
This is like signing into the marnines of selling.
I WENT BESERK in traning.
No xanax, i did it with out it, with nothing to help me focus. NOTHING.
Everyone took ritilin, adderall, they where talking about it. Like redosed and everything, i did it by myself. But it was hell.
Thanks for posting.
And yes this is a good job to get some social skills.
Thanks man
matt
Posted by elanor roosevelt on May 27, 2007, at 15:58:40
In reply to Re: I am very depressed please will you help-paul, posted by rjlockhart on May 27, 2007, at 0:47:24
Matt
You have melted down on your meds.
You need new meds.
It happens and it is hard to pull out.
Don't understand the whole dynamic but I have been there.
Go to your pdoc and tell him/her that the way you feel is not acceptable.
you deserve to feel much better and you can.
hang in there
This is the end of the thread.
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