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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Mandy on June 19, 2002, at 15:59:22
I posted in the psychobabble about faith, but thought more people might read here. I tried to commit suicide last month by overdosing on 5 different meds. I guess I wasn't totally serious because I left a note and my husband found me before I stopped breathing but I was two days on a venitilator and 8 days in mental health unit.
I am now seeing psych twice a week and on same meds as before--prozac 80mg and neurontin 600 tid and ambien at sleep
My husband hid the meds and just gives me them daily but today I tried to search his room for them and I feel terrible.
My doctor does not think I am bipolar but I do not understand why one day I can feel totally normal and then I have a day like this where I really just want to go to sleep and not wake up.
I saw my dr yesterday and really thought I was improving. I am so confused. Would I be better on different meds or am I doomed??
I do not want to go back in hospital. It was awful. Just sat around and stared at each other and could not even use a hair dryer. I refuse to be hospitalized again.
Posted by Christina on June 19, 2002, at 19:39:41
In reply to Suicidal and need help, posted by Mandy on June 19, 2002, at 15:59:22
I'm sorry for your desperation, and I'm grateful that your husband found you in the nick of time.
It seems to me that if you were suicidal on your current med regimen, it's not working.
Have you asked your doc why he/she hasn't changed your meds? If not, I would insist on some changes. Perhaps others on the board can give you ideas for new drugs to try.
Good luck, and let us know how you're doing.
Posted by chiron on June 19, 2002, at 21:03:53
In reply to Re: Suicidal and need help, posted by Christina on June 19, 2002, at 19:39:41
I agree. Your doctor, or another one, needs to help you find the right meds. From what I hear, "normal" people are consumed with wanting to die.
Posted by Terri C. on June 19, 2002, at 21:20:32
In reply to Suicidal and need help, posted by Mandy on June 19, 2002, at 15:59:22
Prozac was one of the first antidepressants, and in the early days of use, there were users of this drug who committed suicide. These antidepressant/antipsychotic drugs work differently on different people. Some people called Prozac the "wonder drug" and claimed it changed their lives. Side effects from these drugs can go far beyond sleeplessness, weight gain, and low libido. It's my opinion that they can also cause worse psychosis than prior to initiation. I am certainly no expert, but I agree with the previous postings and would plea to you to please, please talk to your doctor about your feelings.
Please followup and let us know how you're doing. We care!
Posted by katekite on June 19, 2002, at 22:14:55
In reply to Suicidal and need help, posted by Mandy on June 19, 2002, at 15:59:22
Hi Mandy,
It could take 6-8 weeks on the combination of the two meds to know for sure if it's going to be the thing for you.
Getting better from depression is sort of like a new job, some days will be simpler than others, and its always work (until the meds work). It's normal for things to be up and down and a few bad days doesn't necessarily mean you're sliding backwards. The worst day may have an ok evening. Each week will be a little easier than the one before. You will get through this and life will be normal again.
It might be a good idea to tell your husband you had a desperate moment and went looking for your old meds. Perhaps he could help you out by getting them out of the house completely. Seeing as you don't want to go back to the hospital if you can avoid it.
You could talk to your doc about on really hard days (like the one where you were searching for bad drugs) taking an extra 200 or so of neurontin to calm down... sometimes it can help to have a plan for moments like that.
Take care. Try to be nice to yourself: give yourself something every day, take care of your physical self because your brain needs a very healthy body to support it. And try not to be too hard on yourself -- you are not 'doomed'.
kate
Posted by ShelliR on June 22, 2002, at 16:48:16
In reply to Suicidal and need help, posted by Mandy on June 19, 2002, at 15:59:22
Mandi, all of the posters before me have made excellent suggestions, but I'll add one.
That's to make a rule for yourself, that no matter how bad you are feeling, you will give yourself at least 24 hours before doing anything dangerous. That gives you some time to (1)not act impulsively; and (2) give yourself a chance to talk both to your husband and your pdoc.
I know the hospital is horrible--just got out of one a couple of weeks ago. If you are willing to discuss your feelings with your doctor, husband, or someone else close to you, they can learn that they can trust you and with a commitment of safety they probably would not make you go back in the hospital.
If 24 hours feels too long to wait, call someone right away. I think a lot about Sar and think that if she had been able to get through that day and night, she might have gotten help and might not have committed suicide. And she also had mixed moods--one day feeling like life was so much fun, loving her boyfriend, etc. The next down so low that she took her life.
Please?
Shelli
Posted by Denise528 on June 23, 2002, at 10:41:35
In reply to Re: Suicidal and need help » Mandy, posted by ShelliR on June 22, 2002, at 16:48:16
Mandy,
The only tablet that helped me when I was feeling really suicidal was Zyprexa (Anti-Psychotic drug). It seems to have helped quite a few other people on this board too and my Psychiatrist swears by it.
There are a few people on here for whom it hastn't helped, but it my be worth asking your Doctor or Psychiatrist about it.
I hope you start to feel better soon, don't give up, there has to be something out there that will help you've just got to keep searching for it.
Denise
Denise
Posted by deli on June 24, 2002, at 10:46:46
In reply to Suicidal and need help, posted by Mandy on June 19, 2002, at 15:59:22
Hello Mandy,
I am also not bipolar and have been through a similar situation. It takes time for us to get better. The way I deal with this is whenever I have a moment of semi sanity I call them windows to the future. It is a way of God letting me feel or see that there is hope. This is a terrible disease but it goes away. Try not to do too much and try your best to eat well and take vitamins.
I know that the pain is unbearable. In my case my husband gives me a tranquilizer like KLonopin just to get through the desperation. Maybe your psyc doctor can recommend something fast acting for the moments you feel you can't cope.
When you begin to come out of the depression you will be the last to know. Hang in there. You are not alone. I will keep you in my prayers.Hugs
Posted by Gracie2 on June 26, 2002, at 20:43:32
In reply to Re: Suicidal and need help, posted by deli on June 24, 2002, at 10:46:46
Mandy-
I have been in the same boat. Hospitalized three times in the last two years, twice after a drug overdose (one accidental, one intentional). The third time, I had called 911 to ask for the number to a suicide hotline. The operator called the cops - pretty embarassing.
I am doing better now, taking Seroquel, trying to stay away from drugs and alcohol. During my last hospital stay, I could not leave until the psychiatrist said I was ready to go home. I thought he was a jerk - he sat me down and said something like, "Congratulations, not only have you screwed up your own life, now your son will need therapy." He went on like that until I was crying and pleading with him to let me go so I could make it up to my family. I had been in so much pain, I never considered what my suicide would do to my husband and my child, both of whom I love dearly.
The next time you feel like you have nothing to live for, try to live for your loved ones. Consider what your death would do to them, the legacy of guilt and pain and loss that you are leaving for them. Try to remember the pain will pass.
-Gracie
This is the end of the thread.
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