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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Sleepy on November 16, 2001, at 14:29:18
I've been spiraling downward for some time now. The doc had me on Effexor, which some of you may recall gave me some scary memory loss and I finally took myself off of it. I'm also on depakote as I'm bipolar. Or so the docs say. My therapist says I don't believe I'm bipolar and you know, she's right. I don't understand why I feel this huge resistance to what the doctors keep saying (I've been diagnosed and reevaluated by 4 different pdocs now--they all say the same thing). I find myself not believing any of this could be true, though I can go way back to my childhood and just know that I've never been "normal," but have always been this way. Huge, expansive highs when I feel I could jump off a freakin' CLIFF and escape without a scratch. Or depressions so deep I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't function for long periods of time. I remember going through a year where I was so, so sad, but unable to cry. Even with all this, I sometimes feel if I could just get off the meds I'd be okay. I've tried several times to stop taking the depakote and have been hit with manic episodes and panic attacks. Is this the norm as far as depakote withdrawal goes? Friends and family seem to think if I can just pull myself up by the bootstraps I'll be fine. It's funny to me that people who don't go through this garbage seem to think that's all it would take--for me to be strong, get a grip, wake up and smell the coffee. My best friend, however, thinks I need to check myself into a hospital. I have a job and kids and this whole life that isn't going to stop just because I'm not feeling up to any of this. I'm so tired and so unhappy and people ask me WHY and I can't tell them. People want to know what my therapist and I talk about and I can't tell them. Because I don't remember so much of it. I guess I should take notes, because my memory is shot. Sorry to rag on and on. I just need to get this out. Thanks for listening. This message board's been very helpful to me.
~Sleepy
Posted by Katey on November 16, 2001, at 16:19:10
In reply to just gotta get it out, posted by Sleepy on November 16, 2001, at 14:29:18
i feel for you about not being able to tell people whats going on. the days when i leave early dont come in at all i have to tell people that i feel like i'm going to throw up so they think that im physically sick. no one accepts that being mentally sick can be just as paralyzing. my parents are trying to decide whether i need a kick in the butt or medication for me to be ok. its frustrating. hang in there though, and things will get better.
Katey
Posted by stjames on November 16, 2001, at 16:29:23
In reply to just gotta get it out, posted by Sleepy on November 16, 2001, at 14:29:18
Huge, expansive highs when I feel I could jump off a freakin' CLIFF and escape without a scratch. Or depressions so deep I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't function for long periods of time.
Alternating big highs and lows sure sounds like cycling to me.
Posted by akc on November 16, 2001, at 16:45:44
In reply to Re: just gotta get it out, posted by stjames on November 16, 2001, at 16:29:23
james,
You can tell me to take a flying leap if you want.
I'm glad to see you are back. Regardless of Cam's posts and a few others, I really got worried after your cyanide post last weekend.
I don't know you that well -- I have only been here about 6 months, I don't read all the posts (especially on PB), and it just takes me a while to catch on sometimes. But whatever the motivation was behind the post -- I gotta believe that you are hurting over something. And I also gotta believe that staying connected has to be better. Plus, otherwise, you got us worry freaks wondering if you are okay --
So again, I'm glad to see you post. I enjoy (most!) of what you share.
akc
Posted by JohnX2 on November 17, 2001, at 3:01:23
In reply to just gotta get it out, posted by Sleepy on November 16, 2001, at 14:29:18
Anyone telling you that you should be off meds
and "pull up your bootstraps" is full of shit!Mental illness is nothing to look down upon.
It is a serious condition requiring *a lot* of
fortitude to fight. Would you tell someone with
high blood pressure to just "pull up your
bootstraps" and stop taking that bp medicine?
Know, its insane. But you might recommend a
change in diet along with the bp med. I equate
this to therapy + medication for mental illness.hope you feel better. You may want to try a
different mood stabilizer. I prefer Lamictal.
Other options are tegetrol,trileptal,lithium,etc.good luck. We know what you mean and feel your pain.
-john
> I've been spiraling downward for some time now. The doc had me on Effexor, which some of you may recall gave me some scary memory loss and I finally took myself off of it. I'm also on depakote as I'm bipolar. Or so the docs say. My therapist says I don't believe I'm bipolar and you know, she's right. I don't understand why I feel this huge resistance to what the doctors keep saying (I've been diagnosed and reevaluated by 4 different pdocs now--they all say the same thing). I find myself not believing any of this could be true, though I can go way back to my childhood and just know that I've never been "normal," but have always been this way. Huge, expansive highs when I feel I could jump off a freakin' CLIFF and escape without a scratch. Or depressions so deep I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't function for long periods of time. I remember going through a year where I was so, so sad, but unable to cry. Even with all this, I sometimes feel if I could just get off the meds I'd be okay. I've tried several times to stop taking the depakote and have been hit with manic episodes and panic attacks. Is this the norm as far as depakote withdrawal goes? Friends and family seem to think if I can just pull myself up by the bootstraps I'll be fine. It's funny to me that people who don't go through this garbage seem to think that's all it would take--for me to be strong, get a grip, wake up and smell the coffee. My best friend, however, thinks I need to check myself into a hospital. I have a job and kids and this whole life that isn't going to stop just because I'm not feeling up to any of this. I'm so tired and so unhappy and people ask me WHY and I can't tell them. People want to know what my therapist and I talk about and I can't tell them. Because I don't remember so much of it. I guess I should take notes, because my memory is shot. Sorry to rag on and on. I just need to get this out. Thanks for listening. This message board's been very helpful to me.
> ~Sleepy
Posted by Pamela Lynn on November 18, 2001, at 4:29:34
In reply to Re: just gotta get it out » Sleepy, posted by JohnX2 on November 17, 2001, at 3:01:23
I agree wholeheartely!! If you were to have, say...Diabetes, people wouldn't tell you to just 'buck up camper, and stop taking your insulin'!!!!
I also know how hard it is when you have kids...a life 'around' your depression. I was just fortunate enough to have a VERY supportive husband and Mother, who took care of the little ones while I went into the hospital 3 times last year and early this year.
It does too, to me sound like you are cycling (bi-polar reference there).
Maybe you should try a different mood stabilizer..don't stop until you find a good 'cocktail' of meds that help you in the long run.
Depression is a REAL illness...and should always, always be treated as such!!
P.L.
> Anyone telling you that you should be off meds
> and "pull up your bootstraps" is full of shit!
>
> Mental illness is nothing to look down upon.
> It is a serious condition requiring *a lot* of
> fortitude to fight. Would you tell someone with
> high blood pressure to just "pull up your
> bootstraps" and stop taking that bp medicine?
> Know, its insane. But you might recommend a
> change in diet along with the bp med. I equate
> this to therapy + medication for mental illness.
>
> hope you feel better. You may want to try a
> different mood stabilizer. I prefer Lamictal.
> Other options are tegetrol,trileptal,lithium,etc.
>
> good luck. We know what you mean and feel your pain.
>
> -john
>
>
> > I've been spiraling downward for some time now. The doc had me on Effexor, which some of you may recall gave me some scary memory loss and I finally took myself off of it. I'm also on depakote as I'm bipolar. Or so the docs say. My therapist says I don't believe I'm bipolar and you know, she's right. I don't understand why I feel this huge resistance to what the doctors keep saying (I've been diagnosed and reevaluated by 4 different pdocs now--they all say the same thing). I find myself not believing any of this could be true, though I can go way back to my childhood and just know that I've never been "normal," but have always been this way. Huge, expansive highs when I feel I could jump off a freakin' CLIFF and escape without a scratch. Or depressions so deep I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't function for long periods of time. I remember going through a year where I was so, so sad, but unable to cry. Even with all this, I sometimes feel if I could just get off the meds I'd be okay. I've tried several times to stop taking the depakote and have been hit with manic episodes and panic attacks. Is this the norm as far as depakote withdrawal goes? Friends and family seem to think if I can just pull myself up by the bootstraps I'll be fine. It's funny to me that people who don't go through this garbage seem to think that's all it would take--for me to be strong, get a grip, wake up and smell the coffee. My best friend, however, thinks I need to check myself into a hospital. I have a job and kids and this whole life that isn't going to stop just because I'm not feeling up to any of this. I'm so tired and so unhappy and people ask me WHY and I can't tell them. People want to know what my therapist and I talk about and I can't tell them. Because I don't remember so much of it. I guess I should take notes, because my memory is shot. Sorry to rag on and on. I just need to get this out. Thanks for listening. This message board's been very helpful to me.
> > ~Sleepy
Posted by Sleepy on November 20, 2001, at 16:43:27
In reply to Re: just gotta get it out » JohnX2, posted by Pamela Lynn on November 18, 2001, at 4:29:34
Haven't been on here in a few days. Had a couple of meltdowns (or what I sometimes refer to as "screamers" or "the screamin' Mimi's"). Been having panic attacks like crazy and taking Ativan to get through the rough spots. Just wanted to thank you guys for the support/suggestions/advice. Nice to know there are others who really understand (from personal experience). I love my friends and family, but there've been times when I've been subjected to things such as: "Hey, I just read a book about bipolar disorder and..." then they go off on a tangent. Suddenly they're an authority on the subject. Argh! Anyway, thanks so much for listening.
~Sleepy
> I agree wholeheartely!! If you were to have, say...Diabetes, people wouldn't tell you to just 'buck up camper, and stop taking your insulin'!!!!
>
> I also know how hard it is when you have kids...a life 'around' your depression. I was just fortunate enough to have a VERY supportive husband and Mother, who took care of the little ones while I went into the hospital 3 times last year and early this year.
>
> It does too, to me sound like you are cycling (bi-polar reference there).
>
> Maybe you should try a different mood stabilizer..don't stop until you find a good 'cocktail' of meds that help you in the long run.
>
> Depression is a REAL illness...and should always, always be treated as such!!
>
> P.L.
> > Anyone telling you that you should be off meds
> > and "pull up your bootstraps" is full of shit!
> >
> > Mental illness is nothing to look down upon.
> > It is a serious condition requiring *a lot* of
> > fortitude to fight. Would you tell someone with
> > high blood pressure to just "pull up your
> > bootstraps" and stop taking that bp medicine?
> > Know, its insane. But you might recommend a
> > change in diet along with the bp med. I equate
> > this to therapy + medication for mental illness.
> >
> > hope you feel better. You may want to try a
> > different mood stabilizer. I prefer Lamictal.
> > Other options are tegetrol,trileptal,lithium,etc.
> >
> > good luck. We know what you mean and feel your pain.
> >
> > -john
> >
> >
> > > I've been spiraling downward for some time now. The doc had me on Effexor, which some of you may recall gave me some scary memory loss and I finally took myself off of it. I'm also on depakote as I'm bipolar. Or so the docs say. My therapist says I don't believe I'm bipolar and you know, she's right. I don't understand why I feel this huge resistance to what the doctors keep saying (I've been diagnosed and reevaluated by 4 different pdocs now--they all say the same thing). I find myself not believing any of this could be true, though I can go way back to my childhood and just know that I've never been "normal," but have always been this way. Huge, expansive highs when I feel I could jump off a freakin' CLIFF and escape without a scratch. Or depressions so deep I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't function for long periods of time. I remember going through a year where I was so, so sad, but unable to cry. Even with all this, I sometimes feel if I could just get off the meds I'd be okay. I've tried several times to stop taking the depakote and have been hit with manic episodes and panic attacks. Is this the norm as far as depakote withdrawal goes? Friends and family seem to think if I can just pull myself up by the bootstraps I'll be fine. It's funny to me that people who don't go through this garbage seem to think that's all it would take--for me to be strong, get a grip, wake up and smell the coffee. My best friend, however, thinks I need to check myself into a hospital. I have a job and kids and this whole life that isn't going to stop just because I'm not feeling up to any of this. I'm so tired and so unhappy and people ask me WHY and I can't tell them. People want to know what my therapist and I talk about and I can't tell them. Because I don't remember so much of it. I guess I should take notes, because my memory is shot. Sorry to rag on and on. I just need to get this out. Thanks for listening. This message board's been very helpful to me.
> > > ~Sleepy
Posted by angel1 on November 20, 2001, at 16:59:29
In reply to just gotta get it out, posted by Sleepy on November 16, 2001, at 14:29:18
THE SOONER YOU COME TO TERMS WITH YOUR DIAGNOSIS,
THE FASTER YOU CAN GET YOURSELF AND YOUR LIKE BACK
ON TRACK. I AM NOT BIPOLAR, BUT UNIPOLAR AND I FINALLY DECIDED THAT THE SIDE EFFECTS OF NOT TAKING MEDS, (SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, FATIGUE, BECOMING
A HERMIT ETC.....) ARE FAR WORSE THAN TAKING MEDS
EVERY DAY AT THE SAME TIME. STICKING THROUGH THE SIDE EFFECTS THAT USUALLY DISSIPATE AS TIME GOES ON. IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO ACCEPT MY ILLNESS AND REALIZE THAT I NEEDED TO LIVE MY LIFE
ON MEDICATION. HOWEVER, ONCE YOU DO THAT EVERYTHING SLOWLY FALLS INTO PLACE AND YOU FIND THAT LIFE IS SO MUCH NICER AND EASIER WHEN YOU ARE STABLE AND CAN BE A PRODUCTIVE PERSON IN THIS
WORLD. THESE ARE THE THINGS I'VE LEARNED SINCE
BEING DIAGNOSED WHICH WAS FIVE YEARS AGO. AND I MUST SAY I TOOK MYSELF ON AND OFF SO MANY MEDICATIONS AND ALL IT DID WAS HURT ME AND EVERYONE I ASSOCIATED WITH. SOMETHING TO THINK
ABOUT!
Posted by stjames on November 20, 2001, at 18:43:55
In reply to Re: just gotta get it out, posted by angel1 on November 20, 2001, at 16:59:29
> THE SOONER YOU COME TO TERMS WITH YOUR DIAGNOSIS,
> THE FASTER YOU CAN GET YOURSELF AND YOUR LIKE BACK
> ON TRACK.James here....
Wise words ! While most seem to need to go thru
the phase of denial, the quicker one moves past this, the quicker the recovery.
This is the end of the thread.
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