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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kittenz on June 21, 2001, at 3:09:42
I am 30 years old & diagnosed with advanced epithelial papillary serous undifferentiated ovarian cancer stageIIIc grade1-3 on July 2, 1998 age 27. Cancer was found in both ovaries, fallopian tubes, parametrium, cul-de-sac, cervix, uterus, 50 lymph nodes (pelvic and aortic), sigmoid colon, bladder peritoneal, right pelvic gutter, peritoneum, small bowel, and part of my stomach. The surgery lasted 8 hours. They took everything except the bowel, colon and bladder peritoneal. I had a total hysterectomy, bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy and complete tumor debulking.
July 13, 1998 I had my second surgery to insert a portocath. July 14, 1998 I got my very first chemotherapy. I was getting Taxol & Cisplatin got six of those. I would get them every 3 weeks for 3 days in the hospital. Next Doxil, Taxol & Carboplatin got 13 of those. I got this over a 10-hour period in the doctors’ office. I got another 24 treatments of Taxol every Friday for approximately 2 hours at the doctors’ office. Now I’m getting 24 more treatments of Taxol that will take me to 67 treatments. When I'm done in July of 2001, it will be exactly three years since diagnosed and started chemotherapy. Friday June 22, 2001 I will receive my 63rd chemotherapy treatment.
Sadly three months after I was diagnosed my mother, age 50, was diagnosed with cancer of unknown primary otherwise known as ACUP. Mother and I got chemo together I put a cot in her hospital room so we could be close to each other while we got chemo and slept. During all of this I had my third surgery,they call it a second look surgery, April 20 1999 it lasted 6 hours. They removed more nodes and my appendix. I have nerve damage in my left thigh and three hernias. Mother was taken quick ... just 8 months after her diagnoses she was gone June 16, 1999 at 4 p.m. I miss my chemo buddy, cancer pal, mother and best friend more than I could have imagined.
Recently I've been extremely depressed and my father has told me he wants nothing to do with me as long as I have cancer. I don't know if it's worth fighting anymore. Each day I'm here I want more and more not to be. My husband is the only thing that keeps me going and keeps me wanting to live. We will be married 10 years tomorrow and he is a terrific caregiver and person in general. Even that lately isn't enough. Any words of inspiration would be grately appreciated.
Sincerely from the heart
Melissa
Posted by dana on June 21, 2001, at 4:11:00
In reply to Ovarian cancer and depression, posted by kittenz on June 21, 2001, at 3:09:42
Melissa,
If I could be there I would come and give you the almightiest hug !..... You are showing so much courage and strength, that I feel ashamed at I have been complaining in the Website. I wish there was something I could say that would help, but with what you have said in times of great stress you still have managed to help others.... I know you are seeking comfort for yourself, but maybe in knowing that even at your lowest point you have touched a perfect stranger.
Please keep fighting, this planet needs precious people like you.
Dana (Australia)
Posted by Noa on June 21, 2001, at 8:38:02
In reply to Re: Ovarian cancer and depression, posted by dana on June 21, 2001, at 4:11:00
Melissa,
Your story moved me. You have gone through so much suffering. Your father's attitude boggles my mind, but I think it would be reasonable to not put energy into his rejection of you.
Focus instead on the wonderful relationship you seem to have with your husband. Also, do you have a support group of cancer survivors?
Posted by Roo on June 21, 2001, at 10:00:22
In reply to Ovarian cancer and depression, posted by kittenz on June 21, 2001, at 3:09:42
Oh Melissa. I don't even know what to say. I was
very moved by your post as well and I so wish there
was something I could do to help. Why is your own
father so unsupportive? That makes me so angry and
sad. Like Noa, I am so glad you have such a wonderful
and supportive husband. It sounds like your mother was
a wonderful human being as well. I know you must miss
her so much. I looked at all the pictures on your
website and felt so touched that it hurt my heart.
The fishing trip looked like fun--I can't believe y'all
got that shot of the foxes--what a great picture.
Are you involved in any support groups? I will say a
prayer for you. I'm glad you posted here. Are you taking
any antidepressants for your depression? Hang in there,Kittenz,
I will be thinking about you.
Posted by Kristi on June 21, 2001, at 11:23:10
In reply to Re: Ovarian cancer and depression, posted by Noa on June 21, 2001, at 8:38:02
Melissa,
Hey girl! I am so , so sorry for what you've been thru. And I completely, 100 percent understand.. because I myself had cancer. I am in remission now, thank god...
The first thing after all my surgeries... I went to a pdoc on my own... because my depression got sooo bad I almost killed myself. Instead I called a crisis center and a friend of mine came and brought me there. I talked to the man for over 2 hours. He immediately started me on AD's.. which didn't work out for me. I think in a situation like this.. your chemical balances aren't quite "off".... or you don't need the seratonin uptake.... because something very traumatic has happened.... it's so normal to feel what you feel. The ad's hurt me more than they helped... the additional side effects to the already intense pain I had made it worse(EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT THO). I find what helped me the most was talking to that man at the initial crisis center. Then having a wonderful follow up therapist who I see once a week. It may be a good idea for you to go on an AD to get you thru the initial rough parts.
The talking helped me more than anything.....
There are so many wonderful support groups out there... just look in your newspaper... they are tremendously .. by far.. the best help. I was very shy at first, and the thought of telling complete strangers this horrified me.. but once I saw that everyone in that room has gone thru something similiar... it was so easy. I made some truly wonderful friends.... ones that understand completely, and that is key!
I feel so much better emotionally now... it's been about a year. Please feel free to e-mail me if you want to talk..... anytime. I am also close to your age, if that makes you more comfortable.
It is such a difficult thing to go thru.... I give myself credit every single day about my attitude.... and if you find it in yourself to smile... credit yourself for that.. even the simplest of things. Anyway, I'm rambling. My address is millerlitegirllv@aol.com. Please take care. Thinking of you, Kristi
> Melissa,
>
> Your story moved me. You have gone through so much suffering. Your father's attitude boggles my mind, but I think it would be reasonable to not put energy into his rejection of you.
>
> Focus instead on the wonderful relationship you seem to have with your husband. Also, do you have a support group of cancer survivors?
Posted by AMenz on June 21, 2001, at 11:24:24
In reply to Re: Ovarian cancer and depression, posted by Roo on June 21, 2001, at 10:00:22
Melissa. What a terrible ordeal. Yet life is precious and worth keeping. Your father is reacting in a strange way. He may be overwhelmed by your cancer when his wife also has had it or is having it. I have to assume that cancer makes many patients depressed. The suggestion of a support group is a good one. Are you on an antidepressant to help through this.
I'm sure people on this board are no strangers to the feeling of not wanting to go on. I wish you the best and I hope you find peace, a commodity that is difficult to find but which I haven't lost hope of attaining.
May God bless you.
> Oh Melissa. I don't even know what to say. I was
> very moved by your post as well and I so wish there
> was something I could do to help. Why is your own
> father so unsupportive? That makes me so angry and
> sad. Like Noa, I am so glad you have such a wonderful
> and supportive husband. It sounds like your mother was
> a wonderful human being as well. I know you must miss
> her so much. I looked at all the pictures on your
> website and felt so touched that it hurt my heart.
> The fishing trip looked like fun--I can't believe y'all
> got that shot of the foxes--what a great picture.
> Are you involved in any support groups? I will say a
> prayer for you. I'm glad you posted here. Are you taking
> any antidepressants for your depression? Hang in there,Kittenz,
> I will be thinking about you.
Posted by kittenz on June 22, 2001, at 0:23:37
In reply to Re: Ovarian cancer and depression, posted by Noa on June 21, 2001, at 8:38:02
Hello Dana,
I went to a few support groups the last year but haven't been back since. I know I need to talk to someone. You're responses helped me out more than you will know. Just knowing someone was listening and truly cares helped me get my mind back on track. I was thinking of ummm doing something stupid, but I worked to hard to get to this point to give up or in now would be just selfish.
Posted by kittenz on June 22, 2001, at 0:26:51
In reply to Re: Ovarian cancer and depression, posted by dana on June 21, 2001, at 4:11:00
Forgive me I think I sent a message to myself hehehe. What I said in the other one was I did go to a support group about a year ago but haven't been since. I also said all who responded made me feel so cared about and helped me to start thinking straight again. I was having a hard time getting myself out of that wanting to die thought.
It's amazing how someone you can see/hear/or touch can help you so much with such big things.
Thank you for you helpful words.
Posted by dana on June 22, 2001, at 4:13:06
In reply to For Dana, posted by kittenz on June 22, 2001, at 0:26:51
So glad you wrote back.... please post every now and then.....would love to know how you are...
Dana xx
This is the end of the thread.
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