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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cole on November 6, 2000, at 12:14:33
I have a question about Tourette's and rage. My SO (who has Tourettes, + some obsessions) periodically gets extremely angry with me. 99.9% of the time he is the greatest, most loving guy ever. We are good at compromising, and don't usually have big arguments. Every so often he gets angry and argues and will not de-escalate, he verbally attacks me during this time. We've realized that if this is over the phone I need to hang up, in person I try to "hang up" as best as I can. He says he usually has trouble when he thinks he has hurt my feelings, this confuses him, then he tries to argue to make things "right". I get confused while it's happening, because he is really good at making me feel like everything is my fault. Every time, within about an hour he snaps out of it and feels really bad. He will sit there and mull over the attack all throughout the next day, when I'm beyond worrying about it anymore. He says he feels nothing when he is in the middle of one of these attacks.
Have any of you dealt with similar feelings? How can we prevent this from happening? Are there any meds that are fairly low key in terms of side effects that might work? He said he's been feeling like the OCD is more noticeable lately as well. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Cole
Posted by Seamus2 on November 6, 2000, at 20:58:40
In reply to Tourette's, OCD, and rage, posted by cole on November 6, 2000, at 12:14:33
> I have a question about Tourette's and rage. My SO (who has Tourettes, + some obsessions) periodically gets extremely angry with me. 99.9% of the time he is the greatest, most loving guy ever. We are good at compromising, and don't usually have big arguments. Every so often he gets angry and argues and will not de-escalate, he verbally attacks me during this time. We've realized that if this is over the phone I need to hang up, in person I try to "hang up" as best as I can. He says he usually has trouble when he thinks he has hurt my feelings, this confuses him, then he tries to argue to make things "right". I get confused while it's happening, because he is really good at making me feel like everything is my fault. Every time, within about an hour he snaps out of it and feels really bad. He will sit there and mull over the attack all throughout the next day, when I'm beyond worrying about it anymore. He says he feels nothing when he is in the middle of one of these attacks.
> Have any of you dealt with similar feelings? How can we prevent this from happening? Are there any meds that are fairly low key in terms of side effects that might work? He said he's been feeling like the OCD is more noticeable lately as well. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
> ColeCole,
My dearest, best friend is somewhere along the Tourettes's/OCD/Asperger spectrum and I think I know how frustrating this is for you because it's happened to us.
The best thing I ever did to keep this pattern from escalating was to tell him if he did not stop w/ the ad hominem attacks and stick to the problem at hand in a rational manner I was going to walk out on him then and there (hang up the phone). And I had tell him I was going to hang up the phone (and did it) a few times as well.
The pain of doing so was less that the mutual hurt feelings which would have ensued had the thing gotten out of hand, which it had done on numerous previous occasions. Watching his self-reproach over the incident only added to my pain.
One could argue setting limits on the abuse you will take is protecting your dignity, and that's certainly a valid way of looking at the problem.
Another is that setting *external* limits on his behavior which matter more to him than the internal "obsessions" driving him may, and I hate to use the term, teach him a lesson. But it's a good lesson, just one he hasn't picked up yet.
Skip the meds, try a behavioural approach.
Best of luck to you both.
Seamus
Posted by R.Anne on November 6, 2000, at 23:00:59
In reply to Tourette's, OCD, and rage, posted by cole on November 6, 2000, at 12:14:33
> I have a question about Tourette's and rage. My SO (who has Tourettes, + some obsessions) periodically gets extremely angry with me. 99.9% of the time he is the greatest, most loving guy ever. We are good at compromising, and don't usually have big arguments. Every so often he gets angry and argues and will not de-escalate, he verbally attacks me during this time. We've realized that if this is over the phone I need to hang up, in person I try to "hang up" as best as I can. He says he usually has trouble when he thinks he has hurt my feelings, this confuses him, then he tries to argue to make things "right". I get confused while it's happening, because he is really good at making me feel like everything is my fault. Every time, within about an hour he snaps out of it and feels really bad. He will sit there and mull over the attack all throughout the next day, when I'm beyond worrying about it anymore. He says he feels nothing when he is in the middle of one of these attacks.
> Have any of you dealt with similar feelings? How can we prevent this from happening? Are there any meds that are fairly low key in terms of side effects that might work? He said he's been feeling like the OCD is more noticeable lately as well. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
> Cole****
I have dealt with the problem of OCD. You didn't mention if your son is getting any help. If not, I think you need to persuade him to seek psychiatric or psychological help. There is good medicine for OCD, Tourette's. People who aren't getting any help for OCD cannot help how they act sometimes but medicine and or therapy can help that. He needs understanding and support and so do you. You could tell him (when he is acting ok) that you understand he has OCD and it's his OCD talking when he gets into a rage but that you have to leave the room when he does. There is an organization for families and friends of those with mental problems and the persons with
mental problems themselves(National Alliance for the Mentally Ill). In addition I think that family therapy can help the 2 of you deal with this problem of OCD. Doctors often use SSRI drugs and sometimes some neuroleptics like Risperdal for Tourette's and OCD. I've had luck with Paxil and Risperdal for it. Some doctors use Effexor, too. There is plenty of help and hope for him. There is also a book out that he may want to get: Stop Obsessing: How to overcome your obsessions and compulsions by E.B. Foa and R. Wilson. Good luck to you!
Posted by cole on November 7, 2000, at 11:57:20
In reply to Re: Tourette's, OCD, and rage, posted by R.Anne on November 6, 2000, at 23:00:59
Thank you both for your input. I guess I'll keep trying the "hang up" plan. We discuss getting married (in a few yrs, we are still young), and this is the only thing that would ever cause me to think twice. It is a bad combo when I am depressed, and he has a rage attack, because it can effectively destroy both of us emotionally for at least a day. Fortunately my depression is under control now and i am more capable of objectivity when it comes to his rages. I worry about how this could affect children also, but as I said that's a ways away. I hope that we can control this behaviorally, as he doesn't seem to interested in meds.
cole
Posted by rogdog on November 7, 2000, at 17:55:10
In reply to Tourette's, OCD, and rage, posted by cole on November 6, 2000, at 12:14:33
Hi Cole, I have had the same problems as you are experiencing. how old is you son? what medications have you tried ? and has anything worked? I can give you a few pointers, as far as what to do and what NOT to do if you like, email me at darogmann@hotmail.com. rog
Posted by cole on November 7, 2000, at 21:14:18
In reply to Re: Tourette's, OCD, and rage, posted by rogdog on November 7, 2000, at 17:55:10
Once again, I thank everyone for responding with support and advice. I think I confused a few people by using SO in my post, I meant Significant Other, I was referring to my boyfriend. I'm sorry if this caused any confusion.
cole
Posted by Christina on November 10, 2000, at 18:40:40
In reply to clarification, posted by cole on November 7, 2000, at 21:14:18
Wow, it's funny how people reading the same post can get different messages.
When you said SO and used the term "him" to describe your SO, and then I read your name "Cole," I thought you were both men.
Then I read the post where the poster thought the SO was your son.
Then in your next post you were talking about getting married and having children, and I was very confused (I thought you were either living in a state or country that recognizes homosexual marriages, or a state that allows mothers to marry their sons).
So now I'm guessing you're a woman with a tradionally male name (and a nice one at that!), and your significant other is your boyfriend.. not your son.
Please don't start talking about pets or I'll have to take a Xanax.
Posted by cole on November 11, 2000, at 19:00:43
In reply to Whoa... I was getting confused. » cole, posted by Christina on November 10, 2000, at 18:40:40
Cole is actually my nickname, i'm sorry i was confusing. You're right-- I'm a girl, have a boyfriend who I worry about, nothing too exciting.
:)
cole
This is the end of the thread.
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