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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by SLS on October 30, 2000, at 8:21:12
Dear John,
This is one of those times when I am at a loss for words. Somehow, just saying I'm sorry doesn't seem adequate.
I'm sorry.
There are a bunch of reasons why I behaved the way I did, very little having to do with you. For whatever exceptions I may have taken with your views and actions, I in no way approached any type of communication as an adult.
I have a great deal of work to do on myself. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how much of it I will able to accomplish without a significant improvement in my condition. I was tempted to go into more detail here, but it is not my way to share so much in a large forum. I think the best way to summarize it is as the following.
The onset of severe depression for me began at age 17. It came on paroxysmally as a biological event at about 1:12pm one afternoon as I sat in a pre-calculus class. The last thing I remember was looking up at the clock as I began to feel this thing happening. Then, everything went black. I *literally* saw black. I can still see that clock today. Within minutes - less than 15 - my state became as bad as is witnessed at much later ages. Dementia appeared by age 20, something not usually seen until this illness evolves later in life. It was clinically unusual, so I have been told.
I guess the main point is this: much of my emotional and psychological development ended at age 17. I will never lose fierceness. It is at the core of my nature. But I guess I manage it no better than a 22 year old. When I feel that someone is patronizing me, I go ballistic - not that that is what you were doing. I doubt this is the last time it will happen.
Oh well, I guess I said more than I had planned to. I'm not sure how much posting I will doing at this point.
In any event, I would welcome a correspondence from you if you should at some time be interested. In the meantime, I'm sorry.
With sincerity and respect,
Scott
Posted by JohnL on October 31, 2000, at 5:12:54
In reply to JohnL, posted by SLS on October 30, 2000, at 8:21:12
Dear Scott,
It should be me doing the apologizing. I clearly get out of bounds sometimes, and it is not acceptable to myself or others.Though I often show support to a rather unique approach to psychiatry, in reality I support all approaches to psychiatry equally. It just depends on the individual circumstance and the individual person. I support and believe in conventional psychiatry. I support and believe in Jensen psychiatry. I support and believe in psychotherapy. I do not mean to sound as if I support one more than the other, because I don't. It just depends on the particular circumstance. By seeming to be entrenched in just one view, which just happened to be un-mainstream-like, I think I stirred up some emotions inadvertently. The worst part is that there is this doctor by the name of Jensen out in California who is really quite an awesome psychiatrist in practice, a humble and professional gentleman on the phone, and I inadvertently cause him undue and unfair judegment. He doesn't deserve the unfair critique I stir up. It's my fault, not his. My apologies, not only to you, but to everyone else here and to Dr Jensen.
As I see it, each approach to psychiatry has it merits and its downfalls. Each has a time and place of appropriateness. Even from country to country, or continent to continent we see varying approaches. Or even just from one doctor office to another. None has yet proven to be superior to another. I am open minded by nature and see how each has pros, cons, time, and place. It is not appropriate or accurate for me to appear one sided. By seeming to take a one-sided stance, I inadvertently drew criticism to someone else not even involved, stirred up emotions from the mainstream, and really didn't do much good from it all. My apologies.
I look forward to your posts, so please keep them coming. I learn things I didn't know from your posts. Like c-FOS for example. (what is that? rocket fuel for the space shuttle or something?) LOL :-) There's a lot I obviously don't know, so thank you for keeping me in bounds. :-)
Sincerely,
John
Posted by JahL on October 31, 2000, at 10:31:26
In reply to JohnL, posted by SLS on October 30, 2000, at 8:21:12
> I guess the main point is this: much of my emotional and psychological development ended at age 17. I will never lose fierceness. It is at the core of my nature. But I guess I manage it no better than a 22 year old. When I feel that someone is patronizing me, I go ballistic - not that that is what you were doing. I doubt this is the last time it will happen.
> ScottScott,
you raise a good point concerning just how depression etc can arrest emotional development. I know depression consistently deprives me of emotionally-enriching experiences.I started pondering suicide aged 8 and in the 18 yrs since, am yet to experience a day's normal emotions.
Like you I still have that youthful fire in my belly and it is v much a part of me. I'm hyper-sensitive to any form of provocation, especially the aggressive kind. People cross me or my family at their peril. Past indiscretions have left me feeling slighty fortunate to still have my liberty.
People (including pdocs) have trouble understanding how a depressive can be so consumed with rage. Why aren't I more submissive & accepting?
On a positive note, I believe when (if) remission is achieved, that, correctly harnessed & directed, that inner ferocity can take you places. Remember it was yr suspect temper that instigated what was a v interesting & enlightening discussion.
Take it easy,
Jah.
Posted by MichaelF on October 31, 2000, at 23:09:27
In reply to JohnL, posted by SLS on October 30, 2000, at 8:21:12
Dear John and Scott,
Although I do not seem to have the time to do very much posting, I do manage to read quite a few postings.
I want you both to know that whenever I see either of your names attached to a post, I make a point of reading what you have written.
I have come to value your contributions and would surely miss either one of you should you no longer write.
Ten Canadian dollars says I'm not the only one who appreciates the time both of you find to contribute to this board :)
All the best,
Michael
Posted by shar on November 1, 2000, at 1:24:07
In reply to John and Scott, posted by MichaelF on October 31, 2000, at 23:09:27
> Dear John and Scott,
>
> Although I do not seem to have the time to do very much posting, I do manage to read quite a few postings.
>
> I want you both to know that whenever I see either of your names attached to a post, I make a point of reading what you have written.
>
> I have come to value your contributions and would surely miss either one of you should you no longer write.
>
> Ten Canadian dollars says I'm not the only one who appreciates the time both of you find to contribute to this board :)
>
> All the best,
>
> Michael
Posted by dove on November 1, 2000, at 13:23:50
In reply to John and Scott, posted by MichaelF on October 31, 2000, at 23:09:27
To Scott and JohnL,
You two make this board feel like a family, and I thank you both from the very bottom of my being. You both carry such honor and dignity in your every post.
I cannot tell you how much this public redress and reconciliation means to me. Your conversation is like warm honey smoothed upon a wound. Refreshing, honest, and dignified, a complete embodiment of what Psycho-babble is about.
My deepest appreciation and support is with you both!
dove
Posted by dove on November 1, 2000, at 13:26:14
In reply to Arrested Development » SLS, posted by JahL on October 31, 2000, at 10:31:26
>
> People (including pdocs) have trouble understanding how a depressive can be so consumed with rage. Why aren't I more submissive & accepting?
>
>Isn't that strange, I find this to be absolutely on the mark. I swing from depressive angry (very angry) to depressive subdued hopelessness, which the doc's have no trouble understanding. One of my theories on Prozac's suicidal effects on me directly relate back to the enervated depressed anger.
Finding the serotonin-induced energy and agitation before the concoction really begins its modulation of whatever pathways, there is just too much space to *do* something about the depression beast. Suddenly, all the suppressed emotions flow outward in a vile stream, eating through all my pitiful safety-lines, essentially leaving me with the tools, reason, and energy to really take care of this pest that won't leave me be.
And again, why don't the doc's understand this as a legitimate strain of depression and a legitimate threat to life and sanity???
Thanks for the insights, good stuff!
dove
This is the end of the thread.
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