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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lin on July 22, 2000, at 19:50:05
I guess what I am looking for is support (not an easy thing for me to openly solicit). I am taking 4 drugs -- lithium, klonopin, zyprexa and depakote, and am really worried about what these drugs are doing to my body. Plus, I am so tired of side effects and finding the right "mix" that some days I just want to give up. I feel like I spend all day thinking about when I have to pop my next pill, or contemplating my mood disorder, or taking inventory of my current state of mind. I work in the mental health field, so I feel like I have to keep all of this totally secret and as I see patients, I feel like I could be (and am) sittting on their side of the table. I am so tired of feigning "normalcy", and I am so discouraged as I write this, I feel like I could cry. I am a bipolar I who was misdiagnosed for 10 years. During that time, I was always on monotherapy, give or take a stint of adding a benzo to an SSRI. Now I feel like a walking science experiment and the nature of these drugs seems more serious to me. Do any of you have any of these thoughts/anxieties? I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening. Lin
Posted by Janice on July 22, 2000, at 21:15:22
In reply to Medication combos -- feeling scared and dreary, posted by Lin on July 22, 2000, at 19:50:05
Hi Lin,
The last thing I want to do is discourage you but it's taken me 6 years to find the right combination of medication, and I'm still doing the fine tuning. I feel no side effects or only good ones. I don't worry about what they are doing to my body because I'd be more worried about what I'd be doing to my body if I weren't on them, and whether or not my body would even be here. As for spending all day thinking about popping pills, I think that means the pills aren't working well enough.
Drugs are very powerful. I relate to your thoughts and anxieties, and feel i've been in a similar spot myself. My best guess is that your medications aren't working for you properly Lin. No problem to listen to you. Please keep venting. Janice
Posted by shar on July 22, 2000, at 21:36:46
In reply to Re: Medication combos -- feeling scared and dreary, posted by Janice on July 22, 2000, at 21:15:22
Lin,
I wonder if being in the mental health field is sort of working against you at the moment. I mean, you are probably very analytical about your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors--and that's a lot for a "normal" to handle. Add in a job, a misdiagnosis, re-diagnosis, and psych meds--well, you may be working hard enough for three people trying to keep tabs on everything.I agree with Janice that worrying about my meds has taken a back seat because I might be in that other dimension without them. I'm not totally comfortable, but I really believe I am better off with them than without them. I am still tweaking my meds, and have been through some med trials that were awful.
I also agree with Janice that if you are feeling this way and you've been on your meds for a while, it may not be a good combo for you. Do you see a Psychiatrist/Psychopharm for your meds? Or your GP?
Please keep writing, and let us know how you are. You might find comfort knowing that there are people here in the MH field, and people who have probably experienced what you are going through.
You are not alone. (We are not alone?)
Take care and please keep writing!
Shar
Posted by shellie on July 23, 2000, at 10:44:12
In reply to Medication combos -- feeling scared and dreary, posted by Lin on July 22, 2000, at 19:50:05
< I work in the mental health field, so I feel like I have to keep all of this totally secret and as I see patients, I feel like I could be (and am) sitting on their side of the table.
Lynn, most therapists keep most things secret from their clients (boundaries, et al). I guess you need to ask yourself these two questions:
(1) are you are still able to help your clients. If you can offer them compassion and insight, and help lead them in the direction of their goals, then it doesn't matter that you sit on both sides of the table--lots of therapists do.
(2) if, in spite of it not getting in the way of doing therapy, being a mental health provider is putting too much pressure on you. For instance, if you feel that you need to keep your struggles secret from your clinical supervisor(s), and your clinical peers, I think that would be a very lonely experience, and exasperate bad feelings about yourself.
Remember, you are in treatment, that is a good thing. You were misdiagnosed, that was not your fault, so you are catching up. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, and it may not be that far off. I don't know if you have the type of position that you can take time off from until your meds are straightened out. And I do understand about not liking to put all these things in your body, but I agree with Janice and Shar, it is better than the alternative. And I know depression takes a huge toll on the body, so either way, we didn't luck out on in that we have these illnesses, but we are fortunate that we have them at a time that there is treatment for them.
Try (I know it's hard) to be patient and to go easy on yourself. Shellie
This is the end of the thread.
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