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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Thomas W on July 13, 2000, at 8:15:04
I don't know how to put this but I feel like a failure
at everything I try to do. I'm very critical of myself
and have very high expectations for myself; and inevitably
it opens me up for depression and anxiety, etc. I'm not
taking meds for depression, do take some xanax inconsistently.
I was a database administrator and now am a data security
mgr. as my job responsibilities changed; not to my liking. I have
been hard on myself about that but I had no control over it.
That's the way most of the stuff is that I beat myself up
over; I have no control over it. I never learn the lesson.
I see a psychologist now but I think we are getting nowhere.
Is there some med out there that may help self hating types
like me? I've tried some of the a/d's but I quit them
due to the side effects that made me feel worse about
myself. I feel like I'm in a vicious circle w/ no way out.
Growing weary with life. HELP
Posted by tricia001 on July 13, 2000, at 8:38:07
In reply to Feel like a failure and get depressed about it, posted by Thomas W on July 13, 2000, at 8:15:04
Thomas,
Oh, my heart goes out to you. I hate being there, when it just feels like you're drowning in self-contempt. Medicine changed that for me. Zoloft and buspar have helped - particularly Buspar with my anxiety, which I think was a huge factor in my own self-dislike. It helped me be able to focus on recovery while in counseling. You mentioned that you feel as though you're getting nowhere in counseling. Give it time, but don't be scared to try a few different psychologists. I went through like five before stumbling into my angel of a psychologist who saved my life.
And keep coming back to this page. In a disease that overwhelms you in loneliness, the people here might make you feel less lonely. This is only my advice from my own experience, but I truly hope it helps. Please keep coming back.
Tricia
Posted by Kath on July 13, 2000, at 13:41:38
In reply to Feel like a failure and get depressed about it, posted by Thomas W on July 13, 2000, at 8:15:04
Hi Thomas - Sorry you're feeling so down. 2 1/2 months ago I started to attend CoDependents Anonymous meetings. I have found a great deal of support from going there. People are very loving & caring. You might want to see if there's a meeting near you & attend to see what you think. In Ontario, Canada, where I live there's also "Depressed Anonymous". I haven't been to it, but I think the 12-step programs have helped a tremendous number of people. Post to me if you want any more info.
Take care, Kath
> I don't know how to put this but I feel like a failure
> at everything I try to do. I'm very critical of myself
> and have very high expectations for myself; and inevitably
> it opens me up for depression and anxiety, etc. I'm not
> taking meds for depression, do take some xanax inconsistently.
> I was a database administrator and now am a data security
> mgr. as my job responsibilities changed; not to my liking. I have
> been hard on myself about that but I had no control over it.
> That's the way most of the stuff is that I beat myself up
> over; I have no control over it. I never learn the lesson.
> I see a psychologist now but I think we are getting nowhere.
> Is there some med out there that may help self hating types
> like me? I've tried some of the a/d's but I quit them
> due to the side effects that made me feel worse about
> myself. I feel like I'm in a vicious circle w/ no way out.
> Growing weary with life. HELP
Posted by shar on July 14, 2000, at 1:37:07
In reply to Feel like a failure and get depressed about it, posted by Thomas W on July 13, 2000, at 8:15:04
I don't know if this will help, maybe a temporary help, but I noticed a lot of "black and white" thinking in your post. That is not a criticism, I do it, I bet most people here do it or have done it.
Using phrases like "failing at everything I do" and "I never learn the lesson" or "we are getting nowhere" doesn't leave much room for the few good things that might be happening to get in there. Or the good things you are doing to be acknowledged.
I am an old hand at thinking in this way. The first step is awareness. It sounds like you are pretty aware of your issues, and need a good forum to talk about them. Have you told your psych. how you feel?
Whether or not you find another doc or go on or off antidepressants, I encourage you to keep on posting here. I'm sure many people can relate.
Think a good thought about yourself every once in a while!
Shar
> I don't know how to put this but I feel like a failure
> at everything I try to do. I'm very critical of myself
> and have very high expectations for myself; and inevitably
> it opens me up for depression and anxiety, etc. I'm not
> taking meds for depression, do take some xanax inconsistently.
> I was a database administrator and now am a data security
> mgr. as my job responsibilities changed; not to my liking. I have
> been hard on myself about that but I had no control over it.
> That's the way most of the stuff is that I beat myself up
> over; I have no control over it. I never learn the lesson.
> I see a psychologist now but I think we are getting nowhere.
> Is there some med out there that may help self hating types
> like me? I've tried some of the a/d's but I quit them
> due to the side effects that made me feel worse about
> myself. I feel like I'm in a vicious circle w/ no way out.
> Growing weary with life. HELP
Posted by AndrewB on July 14, 2000, at 20:20:37
In reply to Feel like a failure and get depressed about it, posted by Thomas W on July 13, 2000, at 8:15:04
Thomas,
Hey I’m a self hating type too. I prefer to call it virulent self loathing though. Sometimes I feel like the lowest, most despicable scum of the earth- green slime underneath a rock that is below a snake’s belly. At times it feels like a Nazi is in my head scouring the ghettos of my mind. Auchtung! You ever have like a voice going on in your head saying stuff like, ‘you piece of sh**t, how could you be so dumb as to do that.’
Thomas, tell me do you also have trouble facing certain social situations. I worry that people will find out what a piece of sh**t I really am and I will be humiliated. I just avoid many social situations.
Actually I think I can give you some useful advice here. Low doses of certain neuroleptics can take away that critical voice. Amisulpride, one such neuroleptic, quiets my mind and really takes away my self criticism. It’s weird, if I stop taking amisulpride that critical voice comes roaring back along with self hatred and self disappointment. Amisulpride may be purchased overseas with or without a prescription. I have put together an information piece on amisulpride. Contact me at andrewb@seanet.com and I will email it to you.
The antipsychotic Zyprexa is available in the US and maybe it is just as effective as amisulpride. One poster said of Zyprexa, ‘it really did help me get rid of lots of terrible thoughts.’ If you look above in the thread ‘Cocktail Update’ you will see that Zyprexa helps KarenB with her social anxiety and emotional stability. Karen has just started taking amisulpride, so continue to watch her posts. It will be interesting to see her compare amisulpride with Zyprexa. Zyprexa does tend to cause weight gain and sedation.
Best of luck,
AndrewB
‘I would not join any club that would have me as a member.’
Groucho Marx
Posted by noa on July 17, 2000, at 6:36:29
In reply to Feel like a failure and get depressed about it, posted by Thomas W on July 13, 2000, at 8:15:04
Thomas,
I sure have felt this way, to greater and lesser degrees, depending on my mood.
I have found that my therapy is very helpful, but not if I am too depressed. Medication makes it possible for me to make good use of my therapy.
You mention ADs, but with side effects that made you stop them.
Would you mind listing which meds you have tried, doses, for how long, what side effects you experienced, and what therapeutic effects you experienced?
There are a number of very knowledgeable people here who can help you with advice about possibilities in medications.
For me, and it seems for many others that I have gotten to know here, finding the right medication, or more likely, combination of medications, is like a quest. It can take a while, and involves a fair amount of trial and error, but it is worth the struggle.
Often, combinations are preffered because it can help to mitigate or avoid unwanted side effects. For example, I take effexor xr. It has good antidepressant effects for me, but I needed higher doses, which also produced very annoying side effects. So, my pdoc suggested lowering the effexor dose and adding another med to augment it. By combining several medications, I have found a mix that works without having to suffer the negative effects.
So, please write again. Tell us your med history, and I am sure you will get lots of feedback.
Posted by tricia001 on July 24, 2000, at 8:30:10
In reply to Re: Feel like a failure and get depressed about it » Thomas W, posted by noa on July 17, 2000, at 6:36:29
Thomas,
I was thinking about you, just wanted to see how you were doing. It's been awhile since we've heard from you. Hope you are well.
Tricia
This is the end of the thread.
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