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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kamber Goold on July 11, 2000, at 21:49:33
I have yet to read or find any information that captures what I go through, and the two doctors that have seen me disagee or are unsure about my experience as well. It is quite unsettling to not have stumbled upon literature or people in my life that can recognize or reference someone that's gone through it as well. I feel very alone in my experience thus far.
This time around,(it's been the first attack in two years), I have had an abundance of racing thoughts that have kept me awake, maybe averaging two hours of sleep a night after tossing and turning, that are in total overdrive about anything and everything-- they were so fast, they were to the point where I COULDN'T perform. The thoughts are directed toward self "realizations" I am having, but instead of performing unrealistic projects or feeling "great," I am agitated, depressed, anxious. I feel paralyzed by my thoughts. They are going so fast that I question whether or not I will be able to speak and communicate with people, pick up a book and read, and other little "daily" things. After the first week, they slightly,(only slightly) subsided, and I instantly crashed and fell into a dark hole that hated my life, hated everything around me, was bathing in my own despair,(yes; depression)yet still my mind raced at the same time. I also would get wierd,irrational "theories" stuck in my head that I knew weren't true, but would still be paranoid and fear their truth. What is this? I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a year and 1/2 ago, but my new doctor doesn't feel she can diagnose me again quite yet. I am being treated by medication that has cleared most of the symptoms (Zyprexa and Neurontin), but no diagnosis is made. I feel like I have a good enough grasp on what's going on with me, but at the same time a lot of personal disclosure may come if someone else could relate, or offer their opinion or advice. Anyone? Thanks!
Posted by Chris A. on July 12, 2000, at 0:57:32
In reply to Alone in my experience?, posted by Kamber Goold on July 11, 2000, at 21:49:33
Kamber,
Sounds an awful lot like the mixed bipolar states that are tormenting me now. It is no fun. It's combo of deep crashing depression and mania and can be very unpredictable. Zyprexa and neurontin sound like keepers for you. My docs keep reiterating that mood stabilization is the key. Hang in there. I am mostly absent, but there are others who are very supportive and will understand what you are describing.Blessings,
Chris A.
Posted by tina on July 12, 2000, at 17:50:19
In reply to Alone in my experience?, posted by Kamber Goold on July 11, 2000, at 21:49:33
You are not alone. Absolutely not. I don't have this problem personally but have been coming here for a few months and have heard your story a hundred times at least. Please know that you have understanding and support here. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There is help out there. Find the right doctor, one that knows about bipolar disorders and can diagnose you properly and thoroughly. Keep in touch, please. No one is ever alone here.
Hugs
Tina
> I have yet to read or find any information that captures what I go through, and the two doctors that have seen me disagee or are unsure about my experience as well. It is quite unsettling to not have stumbled upon literature or people in my life that can recognize or reference someone that's gone through it as well. I feel very alone in my experience thus far.
> This time around,(it's been the first attack in two years), I have had an abundance of racing thoughts that have kept me awake, maybe averaging two hours of sleep a night after tossing and turning, that are in total overdrive about anything and everything-- they were so fast, they were to the point where I COULDN'T perform. The thoughts are directed toward self "realizations" I am having, but instead of performing unrealistic projects or feeling "great," I am agitated, depressed, anxious. I feel paralyzed by my thoughts. They are going so fast that I question whether or not I will be able to speak and communicate with people, pick up a book and read, and other little "daily" things. After the first week, they slightly,(only slightly) subsided, and I instantly crashed and fell into a dark hole that hated my life, hated everything around me, was bathing in my own despair,(yes; depression)yet still my mind raced at the same time. I also would get wierd,irrational "theories" stuck in my head that I knew weren't true, but would still be paranoid and fear their truth. What is this? I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a year and 1/2 ago, but my new doctor doesn't feel she can diagnose me again quite yet. I am being treated by medication that has cleared most of the symptoms (Zyprexa and Neurontin), but no diagnosis is made. I feel like I have a good enough grasp on what's going on with me, but at the same time a lot of personal disclosure may come if someone else could relate, or offer their opinion or advice. Anyone? Thanks!
Posted by Kamber Goold on July 13, 2000, at 1:57:25
In reply to Re: No, you're definitely not alone! , posted by Chris A. on July 12, 2000, at 0:57:32
Chris and Tina-
thank you for responding. It makes me feel ten times better just knowing it's a familiar story to somebody. Currently, I've noticed another change in me - I'm thinking it may be slight hypomania. I'm normal about 75-80% of the time, but the other percentage of me feels better, stronger, invincible. I've had some friends point out a new attitude in me, a hotsy attitude, and I know they're right. And there is SUCH an urgency I have with all these new "issues" I think I have, I have a certian impatience to get into therapy, attack my problems, and it's only after things are pointed out to me or if I'm stopped that I notice. I have an appt. on monday. Hearing from somebody really made my night.
and chris, hang in there. It will get better, and I'm just so sorry you are where you're at. I know and have been through it's manipulative hell, just try to remember at all possible times you aren't doing anything to control it. THanks again guys. much love, Kamber
Posted by Kamber Goold on July 13, 2000, at 1:59:00
In reply to Alone in my experience?, posted by Kamber Goold on July 11, 2000, at 21:49:33
> I have yet to read or find any information that captures what I go through, and the two doctors that have seen me disagee or are unsure about my experience as well. It is quite unsettling to not have stumbled upon literature or people in my life that can recognize or reference someone that's gone through it as well. I feel very alone in my experience thus far.
> This time around,(it's been the first attack in two years), I have had an abundance of racing thoughts that have kept me awake, maybe averaging two hours of sleep a night after tossing and turning, that are in total overdrive about anything and everything-- they were so fast, they were to the point where I COULDN'T perform. The thoughts are directed toward self "realizations" I am having, but instead of performing unrealistic projects or feeling "great," I am agitated, depressed, anxious. I feel paralyzed by my thoughts. They are going so fast that I question whether or not I will be able to speak and communicate with people, pick up a book and read, and other little "daily" things. After the first week, they slightly,(only slightly) subsided, and I instantly crashed and fell into a dark hole that hated my life, hated everything around me, was bathing in my own despair,(yes; depression)yet still my mind raced at the same time. I also would get wierd,irrational "theories" stuck in my head that I knew weren't true, but would still be paranoid and fear their truth. What is this? I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a year and 1/2 ago, but my new doctor doesn't feel she can diagnose me again quite yet. I am being treated by medication that has cleared most of the symptoms (Zyprexa and Neurontin), but no diagnosis is made. I feel like I have a good enough grasp on what's going on with me, but at the same time a lot of personal disclosure may come if someone else could relate, or offer their opinion or advice. Anyone? Thanks!
Posted by jzp on July 13, 2000, at 2:16:41
In reply to Re: Alone in my experience?, posted by tina on July 12, 2000, at 17:50:19
Hi,
I just wanted to add another two cents. You are soooooooo not alone. The past
week or so, I have been having a very similar experience.A lot of the literature fails to mention how common this is
for people with this disorder. Even the word "bipolar" isn't totally accurate,
since it implies that you're at one pole (depressed) or the other (manic),
when in reality the two "poles" can coexist.All I can suggest is try to do what I'm doing (or at least trying to do), and
channel this extra energy into something useful-- therapy and all that kind of
stuff. Although I definitely know how hard it is to direct this manicky energy.Take care,
Jannette
Posted by Chris A. on July 13, 2000, at 12:10:11
In reply to manic WHILE depressed, posted by Kamber Goold on July 13, 2000, at 1:59:00
> > I have yet to read or find any information that captures what I go through..What is this?
Kamber-
An excellent book that has some discussion of this at an understandable level is "Bipolar Disorder, A Guide For Patients and Families," by Francis Mark Mondimore, MD, Johns Hopkins Press. If a person can own only one book on bipolar, this is the one I would recommend. It is affordable and available through Amazon (see Dr. Bob's links and Babble can even get credit for it). The information is accurate and the references are extensive for further research and resources.Blessings in your quest,
Chris A.
Posted by Kamber Goold on July 18, 2000, at 18:57:32
In reply to Recommended reading » Kamber Goold, posted by Chris A. on July 13, 2000, at 12:10:11
I really appreciate your replies. I'll definitely seek out that book you referred me- - actual literature would be great. The medicine is pretty much working, except that I'm slightly hypomanic right now - but not to worry, I'm not up to my full dosages yet. You guys take care of yourselves. Best wishes- Kamber
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