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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Noa on May 30, 2000, at 19:04:13
I have been in a very grumpy mood all day, and was failry useless at work. In fact, I spent much of the day just catching up on my babble reading!
The source of my grumpiness is having to deal with some legal issues from a past event that was somewhat traumatic (not life-threatening or anything and nothing horrific, just mildly traumatic, if there is such a thing), but that most of the time I just avoid thinking about. Having to deal with this brings up lots of difficult feelings that make my heart feel heavy and stir up feelings of rage, powerlessness, loss. Sorry I can't be more specific, but you get the idea.
I'll be ok, though. Despite this heavy feeling, I have not been feeling like I am going to succumb to the vortex of depression and despair. Still, I wish I never had to feel any of these difficult feelings again. A little unrealistic, I know, but it is a wish.
Hopefully, I will have a decent night's sleep tonight, and be able to get back into the swing of things tomorrow. That will distract me once again so I don't have to be in touch with this messy crap until the next time the legal stuff surfaces again, which, hopefully won't be for a while.
I love having this refuge to come to, to connect with my babble buddies. Thank you.
Posted by Renee N on May 30, 2000, at 22:19:57
In reply to Grumpy Day, but I'm OK, posted by Noa on May 30, 2000, at 19:04:13
Noa,
Sorry you're down, but glad you're not down and out! I had an unexpected day off. I always feel overwelemed when faced with large spans of unplanned time alone at home. I feel like I should get so much accomplished. I have a hard time finishing any one task before my interest takes me on to another. I get lots done, but don't have much to prove it. If you're ADD at all, you'll know exactly what I mean. ;^) I am so glad that you don't feel that what is upsetting you can push you over the edge into the black abyss. We all love you here, but coming here when you should be working could be hazardous to your job...Renee N
Posted by Janice on May 30, 2000, at 23:46:44
In reply to Grumpy Day, but I'm OK, posted by Noa on May 30, 2000, at 19:04:13
Hi Noa,
I can relate completely (or so I think), having gone to court 3 times with a crazy landlord while trying to keep the manic depression and ADD in check. Oh God, just reading your posting brings back all the bad memories--no control and powerlessness and Anxiety. I feel for you!
Although I'm doing well now moodwise, I know I'll never be the type of person that could deal with this sort of stress easily or well.
Well Noa, sounds like your procastination skills are getting some use.
Thanks for letting us know how you're doing, Janice
got any friends that can help?
Posted by ChrisK on May 31, 2000, at 6:16:00
In reply to Grumpy Day, but I'm OK, posted by Noa on May 30, 2000, at 19:04:13
Noa,
I remember reading one of your posts last week where you said you were feeling better and I was happy for you. I assume you finally got off of the Lithium. Anyway, I am glad that you are making your way through this with a good attitude that things will clear up eventually. I also know what it feels like to be dragged through legal issues for an extended period of time.
Chin up, we're thinking of you.
Chris
Posted by CarolAnn on May 31, 2000, at 9:22:00
In reply to Grumpy Day, but I'm OK, posted by Noa on May 30, 2000, at 19:04:13
Feeling any better than yesterday? I hope so! I can relate to your wish not to "feel any of these difficult feelings again". Unfortunatly, even if our 'depression' went away, I think we'd still have these feelings sometimes, as my Pdoc pointed out, normal(undepressed) people have bad feelings and bad days too. I've really had to hammer that into myself, lately. I know that having suffered depression most of my life, my idea of being 'well', was never feeling 'down' again. So, I've had to readjust my idea of what "normal" is. Of course, having never been "normal", I wonder if I will even be able to recognize it in myself when it happens?
Oh geez, I'm sorry, here I am talking about myself, when this post is meant to be about you and how you are today....Have a smooth day,(to quote JohnL). CarolAnn
Posted by Noa on May 31, 2000, at 12:32:36
In reply to Re: How ya doing today, Noa?, posted by CarolAnn on May 31, 2000, at 9:22:00
Better today, thanks. I appreciate the support so much.
CA, I think the reason we tend to have the wish to be free and clear of bad feelings is just because how fragile we are, and how susceptible we are to being taken down by them into a depression. I am trying to learn how to tolerate feelings of all kinds now without feeling myself slip into the abyss, as someone so eloquently put it above.
Like the tree that can bend with the wind, rather than one that has had to tense up all the time just to stay upright in any weather.
Posted by Kath on June 1, 2000, at 9:23:08
In reply to Re: How ya doing today, Noa?, posted by Noa on May 31, 2000, at 12:32:36
> Like the tree that can bend with the wind, rather than one that has had to tense up all the time just to stay upright in any weather.
...............Hi Noa - I like that thought. My Dad used to say, "You have to learn to roll with the punches." I guess it's a boxing term.
I'm glad you're feeling better. Take care.
Kath
Posted by Noa on June 1, 2000, at 16:43:11
In reply to Re: How ya doing today, Noa?, posted by Kath on June 1, 2000, at 9:23:08
Thanks, Kath. I had a better day yesterday, and today was fair, but hard. I am grumpy again. I *think* I would describe it as stressed, rather than more depressed, although I always do wonder if I am starting a downturn. I hope not. The stressful stuff sometimes just feels overwhelming and I feel like running away to hide from it. Today I found out I probably won't get full time hours when new contracts are in, as I had requested. I am not making ends meet with this arrangement, and not being able to pay the bills is very stressful, so it might mean that I spend part of my summer searching for a job, the prospect of which is also extremely stressful, especially given how fragile I still am.
The day started with me *falling*! I did a clumsy ankle turn, and in correcting my balance, I twisted the opposite knee, which is my weak spot, having been damaged from a serious injury about ten years ago, and operated on about 5 years ago, and then I fell altogether. It was a result of my messy, obstacle course of an apartment, as I have to sidestep the crap that has accumulated. I do this obstacle course all the time, half asleep even, but for some reason, I just mis-stepped and lost balance. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get up, but I did after relaxing there on the floor for about 5 minutes. My left knee and both ankles have been aching dully all day.
Plus, I seemed to have made a bit of a mess in a business arrangement with a friend, not communicating clearly and creating a conflict that needn't have been. I own this one--I miscommunicated and didn't state what I wanted and needed, was vague, etc., and so my friend, who was better at asserting her needs, went ahead and made arrangements that I have now realized are not in line with what I had hoped. So now, I have to deal with reworking this whole thing with this friend, while also dealing with another friend who is affected by the whole misunderstanding. I am not a businesswoman at heart. And it is probably a good idea to not do business with friends. Live and learn.
Then the news about the job (not getting full time hours), and to top it off, I tore my freshly cleaned and repaired skirt on the corner of a metal desk drawer--the kind of tear that cannot be repaired neatly.
So, today, this afternoon, I am really very very grumpy, like Alexander and the no good horrible rotten very bad day, to paraphrase the title of a classic children's book.
Harrummphhhhhh.
BTW, I must admit, I had gotten confused with the two names---Kath and Kathie---so, if my posts to you, or to Kathie, seem out of touch, I hope you'll understand. I hope I can get your identities straight.
Posted by medlib on June 1, 2000, at 16:47:03
In reply to Re: How ya doing today, Noa?, posted by Noa on May 31, 2000, at 12:32:36
> Better today, thanks. I appreciate the support so much.
>
> CA, I think the reason we tend to have the wish to be free and clear of bad feelings is just because how fragile we are, and how susceptible we are to being taken down by them into a depression. I am trying to learn how to tolerate feelings of all kinds now without feeling myself slip into the abyss, as someone so eloquently put it above.
>
> Like the tree that can bend with the wind, rather than one that has had to tense up all the time just to stay upright in any weather.
---------------Noa--
Every time I scroll past this thread, I'm struck by your use of that delightful adverb "grumpy." What a healthy, situation-specific, time-limited connatation it has--such a *normal*-sounding negative term. It's definitely sounds better than "depressed," "hopeless," or "overwhelmed." Finally, I just had to stop to congratulate you on making it to "grumpy." May the trend continue!
Well wishes---medlib
Posted by medlib on June 1, 2000, at 17:23:56
In reply to Re: Grumpy day, depression downturn, or PMS? » Kath, posted by Noa on June 1, 2000, at 16:43:11
> Thanks, Kath. I had a better day yesterday, and today was fair, but hard. I am grumpy again. I *think* I would describe it as stressed, rather than more depressed, although I always do wonder if I am starting a downturn. I hope not. The stressful stuff sometimes just feels overwhelming and I feel like running away to hide from it. Today I found out I probably won't get full time hours when new contracts are in, as I had requested. I am not making ends meet with this arrangement, and not being able to pay the bills is very stressful, so it might mean that I spend part of my summer searching for a job, the prospect of which is also extremely stressful, especially given how fragile I still am.
>
> The day started with me *falling*! I did a clumsy ankle turn, and in correcting my balance, I twisted the opposite knee, which is my weak spot, having been damaged from a serious injury about ten years ago, and operated on about 5 years ago, and then I fell altogether. It was a result of my messy, obstacle course of an apartment, as I have to sidestep the crap that has accumulated. I do this obstacle course all the time, half asleep even, but for some reason, I just mis-stepped and lost balance. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get up, but I did after relaxing there on the floor for about 5 minutes. My left knee and both ankles have been aching dully all day.
>
> Plus, I seemed to have made a bit of a mess in a business arrangement with a friend, not communicating clearly and creating a conflict that needn't have been. I own this one--I miscommunicated and didn't state what I wanted and needed, was vague, etc., and so my friend, who was better at asserting her needs, went ahead and made arrangements that I have now realized are not in line with what I had hoped. So now, I have to deal with reworking this whole thing with this friend, while also dealing with another friend who is affected by the whole misunderstanding. I am not a businesswoman at heart. And it is probably a good idea to not do business with friends. Live and learn.
>
> Then the news about the job (not getting full time hours), and to top it off, I tore my freshly cleaned and repaired skirt on the corner of a metal desk drawer--the kind of tear that cannot be repaired neatly.
>
> So, today, this afternoon, I am really very very grumpy, like Alexander and the no good horrible rotten very bad day, to paraphrase the title of a classic children's book.
>
> Harrummphhhhhh.
---------------------------
Noa--What an absolute bummer of a day! You must be feeling a certain kinship with Job about now. Don't you think it's about time for a run of *good* luck?
Do you think you'll look for a supplemental job or an entirely different full-time position? There seem to be a lot more part-time and a lot fewer full-time positions available in most fields these days. Guess it's mostly benefits-related, but it sure doesn't make things any easier. When I see employment statistics, I wonder how many are employed full-time with benefits.
BTW, I tried to post a brief note to you a few minutes ago, and somehow I screwed up and it ended up listed as a link at the bottom of *your* last message. Guess I opened a page within a page. This is my 3rd or 4th minor mishap today--some days it's just best to go to bed early.
----a messing up medlib
Posted by Janice on June 1, 2000, at 21:33:18
In reply to Re: Grumpy day, depression downturn, or PMS? » Noa, posted by medlib on June 1, 2000, at 17:23:56
Noa, sorry about all this. It's definately stress you don't need.
Please don't be upset for not being a business woman at heart. You seem to use your wonderful heart helping people. Your heart would be wasted in business.
Janice
ps. If I lived in NY, I'd clean your apartment.
Posted by Deb R on June 2, 2000, at 4:55:49
In reply to Re: Grumpy day, depression downturn, or PMS?, posted by Janice on June 1, 2000, at 21:33:18
Here's a big 'ol hug coming down the line to you:
((((((((((Noa))))))))))
my best wishes to you always
Deb.
Posted by JudithC on June 2, 2000, at 5:36:55
In reply to Hugs for Noa, posted by Deb R on June 2, 2000, at 4:55:49
You have probably been told over and over that you are a "strong" person and even though this can be a broad spectrum adjective,Noa,you ARE strong and you do function daily which is quite admirable. I always try to read your posts....you definitely inspire me to reach ahead!
Posted by Kath on June 2, 2000, at 10:01:43
In reply to Re: Grumpy day, depression downturn, or PMS? » Kath, posted by Noa on June 1, 2000, at 16:43:11
...I had gotten confused with the two names---Kath and Kathie---so, if my posts to you, or to Kathie, seem out of touch, I hope you'll understand. I hope I can get your identities straight.
................Hi Noa
Identities? - I'm Kath from Canada - 54 years old - a new Celexa user & a few days new at this site - with the 16-yr-old drug using son who's a large cause of my stress. I just wrote you a question about thyroid elsewhere on this site.
I hope things are going better for you. You have a lot on your plate. Please know that I'm thinking about you & care.
Kath
Posted by Noa on June 2, 2000, at 12:48:25
In reply to Re: Grumpy day - To Noa, posted by Kath on June 2, 2000, at 10:01:43
Thanks. The support helps a lot. I am still a bit grumpy today, but better.
The friend and I had it out last night--I was pretty assertive and direct about what I was angry about, so was she--but are on better terms this morning, and seem to have found a way to correct the misunderstanding.
Dealing with conflict and anger is tough for me. I tend to withdraw a lot rather than deal directly with it and be assertive. So, I am kinda proud of myself for hanging in there with this and dealing with it.
I still feel grumpy about the job thing, but not overwhelmed by it.
My knee is on the mend, a bit achy, but not terrible.
I got through a challenging meeting today pretty well and am just glad it is over. I was angry at a couple of people who told me at the last minute they couldn't come. But I expressed it directly and assertively that they were expected anyway. (This was a bear of a meeting to arrange and they had a lot of notice and certainly plenty of time to tell me about their time conflicts--rather than two hours before the meeting!) They both did show up for at least part of it, so I guess the assertiveness worked.
One mishap today--I overslept, because my clock was mistakenly set to PM. Ooops. That made me grumpy, but I dealt with it and made the best of getting to work as soon as possible. Time was when I would be so upset about getting to work late, I would get depressed and overwhelmed and call in sick altogether.
Posted by Noa on June 2, 2000, at 12:55:10
In reply to Re: How ya doing today, Noa?, posted by medlib on June 1, 2000, at 16:47:03
Thanks, Medlib!
Your post appears in the thread below each of the posts, but not in the main thread--wierd.
Anyway, you are right, about the grumpy thing. It is an achievement, or at least a marker of improved mental status, for me, to be able to feel grumpy and irritable but not feel like I am going to be swept into depression or overwhelmedness. It is new, and it is still scary and uncomfortable for me to feel negative feelings, but I am doing it at the moment. "Grumpy" sounds lighthearted enough so it kind of gives me "permission" to feel it without it getting too heavy.
Posted by Kath on June 2, 2000, at 16:10:54
In reply to Re: Grumpy day -Deb, Judith, Kath, Janice, Medlib, posted by Noa on June 2, 2000, at 12:48:25
> Thanks. The support helps a lot. I am still a bit grumpy today, but better.
>
> The friend and I had it out last night--I was pretty assertive and direct about what I was angry about, so was she--but are on better terms this morning, and seem to have found a way to correct the misunderstanding.
>
> Dealing with conflict and anger is tough for me. I tend to withdraw a lot rather than deal directly with it and be assertive. So, I am kinda proud of myself for hanging in there with this and dealing with it.
>
> I still feel grumpy about the job thing, but not overwhelmed by it.
>
> My knee is on the mend, a bit achy, but not terrible.
>
> I got through a challenging meeting today pretty well and am just glad it is over. I was angry at a couple of people who told me at the last minute they couldn't come. But I expressed it directly and assertively that they were expected anyway. (This was a bear of a meeting to arrange and they had a lot of notice and certainly plenty of time to tell me about their time conflicts--rather than two hours before the meeting!) They both did show up for at least part of it, so I guess the assertiveness worked.
>
> One mishap today--I overslept, because my clock was mistakenly set to PM. Ooops. That made me grumpy, but I dealt with it and made the best of getting to work as soon as possible. Time was when I would be so upset about getting to work late, I would get depressed and overwhelmed and call in sick altogether.
......................Hi Noa - Thanks so very much for all the information about the thyroid stuff. I really appreciate it and will try to get both the books you mentioned. What does IMHO mean?
It sounds like you are doing REALLY WELL!!! I'm so pleased for you. I'm just a recent internet user & never thought I'd ever be using a site like this & guess what? I never knew I could get to care personally about perfect strangers so quickly!
I hope you have a good weekend - whatever good means for you. I hope your knee keeps improving quickly. Take care.
Kath
Posted by Noa on June 2, 2000, at 16:37:16
In reply to Re: Grumpy day -Deb, Judith, Kath...To Noa, posted by Kath on June 2, 2000, at 16:12:17
Thanks, Kath.
IMHO=in my humble opinion
Slowly but surely, I am picking up on all this cyberlingo. You will, too.
This is the end of the thread.
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