Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on July 11, 2003, at 4:27:54
Thank you all for all your support over the years. I've just taken some Xanax, to make it easier to make this happen. My husband is in bed upstairs, asleep.
Tonight I realized something about that affair. If he had lived, he would have ended it soon, and that would have been worse. He wouldn't have been able to give me what I need, any more than anyone else could. It would have been devastating, and probably led to the same place.
I read somewhere that depressed people are actually more likely to see the world realistically. We can judge our attractiveness, abilty, intelligence, etc more realistically than 'normal' people who tend to overestimate themselves. Well, if that's true, I am attractive, intelligent, and too damaged to get through this world. My aunt likes to point out to me all the things I "should" know, and much have missed. You know, "Gee, you really should think about getting breast reduction surgery..." "You won't ever be able to retire..." "You're really too old to have children, you know..." "I worry about you..." She's right, I guess. Too late now.
So, what would going on another day do for me?
Thank you all, though. You did help as much as anyone did.
Posted by NikkiT2 on July 11, 2003, at 9:16:04
In reply to I'm sorry, posted by Racer on July 11, 2003, at 4:27:54
*gives you a gentle hug*
I so wish I could make this pain lessen for yu racer..
But I can assure you that with time the hurt will reduce.. you just have to somehow ride this one out.
Please stay with us
Nikki xxx
Posted by noa on July 11, 2003, at 20:11:22
In reply to I'm sorry, posted by Racer on July 11, 2003, at 4:27:54
Racer wrote that at about 2:30 am California time. Does anyone have direct contact with her or know where she is?
I am so worried about her--this sounds like a suicide note. She said that she took "Xanax, to make it easier to make this happen"---does this indicate an OD??????
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 11, 2003, at 22:20:33
In reply to Re: I'm sorry---OMG, posted by noa on July 11, 2003, at 20:11:22
> Racer wrote that at about 2:30 am California time. Does anyone have direct contact with her or know where she is?
>
> I am so worried about herI've done what I can, I hope she's OK...
Bob
Posted by Racer on July 12, 2003, at 12:05:04
In reply to Re: I'm sorry---OMG, posted by Dr. Bob on July 11, 2003, at 22:20:33
I guess it worked. My ISP got several messages, probably didn't answer Dr Bob directly, since privacy is an issue they take seriously, but the San Jose police showed up last night to take me back to EPS. That was pretty shocking, scary, etc. They let me go after a couple of hours.
I can't say that I really want to live, but can say that I've been unable to carry out any of my plans. The Xanax wasn't an OD -- no DR out there would prescribe enough Xanax to someone as depressed as I have been -- but it put me to sleep before I could do anything the other night.
I'm really sorry to be spreading the pain this way.
Posted by noa on July 12, 2003, at 12:32:33
In reply to Re: I'm sorry--- » Dr. Bob, posted by Racer on July 12, 2003, at 12:05:04
Racer--I'm just so happy you are still with us! Did I misread your post? Did you mean that you were taking a Xanax to help you sleep?
I'm sorry if I over-reacted. And I'm sorry for the scary experience. But your post sounded like a mind made up.
But if you are using the xanax to ward off action that would hurt you, that is good. Just hang on, please. It can get better.
I know a lot of people are going to be happy to see you today!!
Posted by Greg on July 12, 2003, at 12:36:21
In reply to Re: I'm sorry--- » Dr. Bob, posted by Racer on July 12, 2003, at 12:05:04
Racer, sweetheart, we just want you to stay with us. We know what this monster depression can do, and all these other things that are happening in your life don't make it any easier. My offer to meet with you is a standing one. I'm a very good listener. I'll sit and just hold your hand. You can say anything to me, and I swear with God as my witness whatever you say to me goes no further. I'm glad you're still here, even if you aren't. And if you ever need a friend, one that can be there in real time for you, you have my promise I'll be there.
All my love sweetheart,
Greg
Posted by NikkiT2 on July 12, 2003, at 18:27:41
In reply to Re: I'm sorry--- » Dr. Bob, posted by Racer on July 12, 2003, at 12:05:04
*gives you a gentle hug*
Just try hanging in there hun.. take each minute seperately.
And take Greg up on his offer of holding your hand and letting yuo cry and talk.. that could be good.Take care..
Nikki xxx
Posted by allisonm on July 12, 2003, at 20:48:33
In reply to I'm sorry, posted by Racer on July 11, 2003, at 4:27:54
Racer,
Please stay with us. We need you here. I need you here. I know it must feel overwhelming, but please try to believe -- trust -- that this horrible time will pass.
I have to go out of town until Wednesday night, but I will be thinking of you. Please take care.
Allison
Posted by coral on July 13, 2003, at 3:45:08
In reply to I'm sorry, posted by Racer on July 11, 2003, at 4:27:54
Dear dear Racer,
I'm so glad you're here......
Coral
This is the end of the thread.
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