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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by harry b. on December 29, 2002, at 21:47:47
Hi Folks,
Maybe some of you remember me.
I have not been here for a year or so.
Anyway, I made a big lifestyle change.
Got rid of the house, bought a boat and have
been living on it for 1.5 yrs.Have been taking Parnate (80mg/day) & K (3mg/day)
for almost 2 yrs now. I qualified for SS disability
Now my income is about 1/4 what it used to be.I had been getting by but recently I've plummeted.
I've been hiding in my boat, crying, and
feeling so pathetic. I had no where to go or
anyone to be with over Xmas. I got _one_ Xmas card.Now I've become suicidal. Oh, the suicidal thoughts
never went away completely, but now they occupy
a great part of my waking hours.I don't know if I can go through checking into
a hospital again. I mean, is this to be the pattern
of my life? If so, then maybe it just is not
worth it.The living space of my boat has deteriorated to
a replica of how my house used to look. I just can't
seem to get it cleaned or organized no matter how many
times I've vowed to do it. When I first moved onto
my boat in the marina I kept it clean and actually
had people come over to visit. Now it is a disorganized
mess & I've become a hermit again.Feeling so lonely & alone. Feel utterly worthless.
I should be used to these feelings but they hurt
with an unbearable intensity.I don't know if I'll stick around here (PB) or not.
I just felt the need to communicate tonight to others
who know what I'm going through.Thanks for reading-
Harry B.
Posted by shar on December 29, 2002, at 23:10:06
In reply to I'm Back, posted by harry b. on December 29, 2002, at 21:47:47
OMG!! I've missed you and wondered about you so often! You don't know how good it is to hear from you!! I'm so glad you touched base here.
It sounds like the past few weeks or months have been pretty serious after a fairly long period of 'remission.' That makes me think it could be manageable with a med check, and/or therapy, without having to hit bottom again.
I guess I'd like for you to take heart a little, and hope you won't give up on the idea that there may be something you can do to get out of the suicidal feelings.
The disorganization of life/environment I can relate to very well. Depression doesn't leave much energy for doing more than staying alive sometimes. So, I guess, if you're gonna use your energy, staying alive is the way to use it. Leastways, that's how I hope you'll use it.
Don't be a stranger, it is so good to know you're still here.
Shar
Posted by Phil on December 30, 2002, at 7:07:01
In reply to I'm Back, posted by harry b. on December 29, 2002, at 21:47:47
Hi Again,, Man, I'm sorry to hear you're doing exactly what I'm doing. : {0
You know, my mom always said that smaller places are harder to keep clean. I live in a small place and have to move stacks around or whatever and it still looks bad.
I average 2 Christmas cards a year, my insurance lady and the lady that cuts my receding hair.
I've been off for a week and went outside maybe 5 times.
Even though I'm not suicidal, I wonder if I'll ever have the energy to meet anyone(I don't even want that) or to do what's necessary to get better. I used to exercise now the thought of even walking around the block seems impossible.
I figure that something will come along as long as I stay around. It doesn't seem likely but Shar probably didn't think she would meet anyone special, but it happened.
In more ways than one, I hope you stick around.Phil
Posted by harry b. on December 30, 2002, at 21:50:45
In reply to Re: I'm Back » harry b., posted by Phil on December 30, 2002, at 7:07:01
Thanks for the welcome, appreciate it. Sorry things are not going so well for you, Phil.
Today I called my doc to set up an appointment, let message with the receptionist, but my doc never returned my call.
Things are not good. Crying a lot, fixating on my
losses & the bleakness of my life. Staying in bed,
can't find the energy or motivation to actually DO something, anything.I feel so alone and so lonely.
I've been here so many times & yet I never seem to learn from it.
Ah, well, back to bed.
harry b.
Posted by Phil on December 31, 2002, at 6:52:17
In reply to Re: I'm Back, posted by harry b. on December 30, 2002, at 21:50:45
My cat keeps me sane, Harry. I bet a cat would love living with you!!
Doctors not returning calls. Me doc works 4 days a week, hard to get thru on the phone. They'll close up shop for ten days for vacation and I usually need Adderall script but the doctor they say to call won't write Schedule II scripts. If it ain't one thing it's another.
Hope you can see your doc today or at least talk to him.
Oh, I've used untethered several times since you mentioned it on the board. People laugh and then say, hmmm.Good luck, my brother.
Posted by Phil on December 31, 2002, at 6:55:40
In reply to Re: I'm Back, posted by harry b. on December 30, 2002, at 21:50:45
harry, You're being paged on PSB.
Posted by noa on December 31, 2002, at 10:21:27
In reply to Re: I'm Back, posted by Phil on December 31, 2002, at 6:55:40
Harry--
Good to hear from you. I agree with Shar that maybe a med adjustment could make the difference to improve your mood but not have to go into the hospital. But a "booster shot" of hospital isn't such a bad thing. You've had some nice remission which is a great sign. The road to recovery is not a straight line, they say. That has certain proven true in my own experience. I'm going through a low point myself right now.
Glad you wrote in here.Check psycho-social babble--there is a thread of people glad to see you who can't post here because they are not 2000-ers. So check out PSB.
Posted by Jonathan on December 31, 2002, at 16:19:33
In reply to I'm Back, posted by harry b. on December 29, 2002, at 21:47:47
Link to thread on PSB:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021226/msgs/34221.html
Posted by shar on December 31, 2002, at 18:09:01
In reply to Re: I'm Back, posted by noa on December 31, 2002, at 10:21:27
Harry,
Maybe there is a bright side...that at least you'll be well-rested...?Perspective is everything.
Shar
PS. Noa is right on with the 'recovery is not a straight line' idea. You've been around the boards long enough to see a lot of us rise from the ashes only to make a crash landing days or weeks or months later. So, while it may not help much, at least you are in good company.
This is the end of the thread.
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