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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daniel on April 13, 1999, at 8:31:09
Hello everybody,
This was originally intended to be a follow-up the the thread starting with "What is 'normal'?" and "Choosing a therapist," but I would like to receive replies from people with different experience, so I'm starting a "new" thread:
You may read in the original thread that I am considering to start a psychotherapeutic treatmet. I know the general guidelines on how to choose a "right" therapist for me, but there is one more question that comes to my mind:
Should it be a male or a female therapist? I guess this will differ from person to person and their experience, but is there any guideline who can offer "more help?" To illustrate what I mean: I was raised up almost exclusively by my mother alone - so there was virtually no male role model in my up-bringing, I had no "real" father to rely on during my childhood and adolescence. I remember being always very good friends with girls, boys seemed so superficial (I do not intend to hurt anybody here!); although I do have a couple of really good and close male friends, I almost never confide in them, I feel that in this respect my female friends are much more receptive and sensitive and accepting... to all these irrational and emotional matters that I have to discuss with them... it's perhaps strange, and I view it as strange, but I have a strong feeling that my male friends just wouldn't understand/comprehend(!) those things that I commonly discuss with my female friends...
So, as I have mentioned above, I am really good friends with a lot of girls (lots and lots more than boys), well, actually, young women/ladies (in their early 20s), but... but it comes to some problems when a question of my relating to them sexually is raised... I guess I have some difficulty here of nature that is not known to me as yet (I understand it needs a good deal of exploration), but I presume it has something to do with my single-parent up-bringing...? I do not feel that I am particularly dependent on or strongly/abnormally attached to my mother as you might infer, in fact, I live on my own, quite independently. And no, I am not a gay. Also, it might be worth mentioning here (I know I shouldn't go into much detail here as this is not a therapeutic session :-) that I had a couple of really nasty experiences with romantic affairs... OK, maybe they were not so "nasty," it was more my viewing them as a total failure. As a result, I became extremely cautious when venturing into any new affair again... Ok, now I'm becoming really confused, so I stop here.
I am not sure about this question with whom it would be better to discuss (and explore my views about) the issues of romantic relationships (a female therapist - for me it is easier to confide in a woman about any emotional aspect), my attitudes towards sex... (a male therapist - discuss it from men's point of view, and I guess I would feel pretty embarrassed discussing this with a woman...)
All thoughtful responses are greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
Daniel
Posted by Victoria on April 13, 1999, at 18:54:58
In reply to Re: Choosing a therapist ?, posted by Daniel on April 13, 1999, at 8:31:09
I responded to the earlier thread, so I hope you don't mind my jumping in here, too. This is an issue for me, too. I'm the opposite--a woman who is generally more comfortable with and trustful of men (based on family experience). Partly because I had a lot of anxieties about entering therapy and had had a not-so-good experience with a female therapist in the past, I chose a male therapist this time. It has worked out well; in fact, thanks to him, I was able to resolve some issues with my mother before she died last year that I would never have otherwise. But some things (sex, for instance) are much harder to talk to him about, and there are times when I feel that he's not fully understanding me, for reasons that seem to be based on the gender difference. But because I trust him, we talk about it and work it out. Bottom line, since there are advantages and disadvantages for either choice, I think the person and how you feel about him/her is more important than his/her gender.
> Hello everybody,
>
> This was originally intended to be a follow-up the the thread starting with "What is 'normal'?" and "Choosing a therapist," but I would like to receive replies from people with different experience, so I'm starting a "new" thread:
>
> You may read in the original thread that I am considering to start a psychotherapeutic treatmet. I know the general guidelines on how to choose a "right" therapist for me, but there is one more question that comes to my mind:
>
> Should it be a male or a female therapist? I guess this will differ from person to person and their experience, but is there any guideline who can offer "more help?" To illustrate what I mean: I was raised up almost exclusively by my mother alone - so there was virtually no male role model in my up-bringing, I had no "real" father to rely on during my childhood and adolescence. I remember being always very good friends with girls, boys seemed so superficial (I do not intend to hurt anybody here!); although I do have a couple of really good and close male friends, I almost never confide in them, I feel that in this respect my female friends are much more receptive and sensitive and accepting... to all these irrational and emotional matters that I have to discuss with them... it's perhaps strange, and I view it as strange, but I have a strong feeling that my male friends just wouldn't understand/comprehend(!) those things that I commonly discuss with my female friends...
>
> So, as I have mentioned above, I am really good friends with a lot of girls (lots and lots more than boys), well, actually, young women/ladies (in their early 20s), but... but it comes to some problems when a question of my relating to them sexually is raised... I guess I have some difficulty here of nature that is not known to me as yet (I understand it needs a good deal of exploration), but I presume it has something to do with my single-parent up-bringing...? I do not feel that I am particularly dependent on or strongly/abnormally attached to my mother as you might infer, in fact, I live on my own, quite independently. And no, I am not a gay. Also, it might be worth mentioning here (I know I shouldn't go into much detail here as this is not a therapeutic session :-) that I had a couple of really nasty experiences with romantic affairs... OK, maybe they were not so "nasty," it was more my viewing them as a total failure. As a result, I became extremely cautious when venturing into any new affair again... Ok, now I'm becoming really confused, so I stop here.
>
> I am not sure about this question with whom it would be better to discuss (and explore my views about) the issues of romantic relationships (a female therapist - for me it is easier to confide in a woman about any emotional aspect), my attitudes towards sex... (a male therapist - discuss it from men's point of view, and I guess I would feel pretty embarrassed discussing this with a woman...)
>
> All thoughtful responses are greatly appreciated.
>
> Thank you.
>
> Daniel
Posted by Toby on April 14, 1999, at 13:29:43
In reply to Re: Choosing a therapist ?, posted by Daniel on April 13, 1999, at 8:31:09
I work at a mental health center where therapists outnumber psychiatrists by a large margin. Generally the psychiatrists don't do therapy due to time constraints and seeing a large population. So when I see a person for the first time, I have to decide which therapist they are going to see on an ongoing basis. When the problems are general such as job or family issues or when the treatment will be aimed solely at a mental illness like OCD, then the gender of the therapist is unimportant with regard to making that kind of choice (please remember that to psychological people, EVERYTHING is important at some point). When the problem is specifically related to a sexual issue such as rape, homosexuality, sexual dysfunction, etc., I ask the patient which gender therapist they would prefer and try to accomodate that. In a case like yours, where you don't know who you would feel more comfortable with because there are issues surrounding both genders, I would just pick whoever is up next in the rotation for a new patient because all those issues you mentioned are going to come up and will be "grist for the mill" and you will have to work through them all and you will gain valuable insights and experience thereby. Bottom line is to research the therapists according to education, what form of therapy they use that you would feel comfortable with, cost, and those sorts of things, then pick who you feel (generally) comfortable talking to; because it doesn't matter which gender you pick, there will come a time when you are uncomfortable with certain topics and becoming comfortable and working through those things are what therapy is all about. Good luck.
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