![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 37 to 61 of 102. Go back in thread:
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 15:04:32
In reply to Re: FYI » Maxime, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 15:00:16
Yes, let's forget about it and plug our ears and hum loudly so it will go away.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 15:05:57
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 14:39:32
It is never pleasant to contemplate the possibility of receiving an angry babblemail. It's not unusual to have more than one motive to do something. Whatever Phillipa's motives, she did convince him not to do that. It's not so easy to discourage an angry husband, in my experience.
Any attempt to de-escalate a situation like this is a good thing. For whatever reason.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 15:14:24
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 15:04:32
I'm trying to imagine myself as someone who would prefer to keep my mouth shut and ignore unpleasantness....
Can't quite manage it.
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 15:18:28
In reply to Re: FYI » Maxime, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 15:05:57
> It is never pleasant to contemplate the possibility of receiving an angry babblemail. It's not unusual to have more than one motive to do something. Whatever Phillipa's motives, she did convince him not to do that. It's not so easy to discourage an angry husband, in my experience.
I wonder why Phillipa felt the need to tell Maxime that her husband was seething and so on and so forth? I believe that was done to intimidate. No matter that she "stopped" him. The damage was done. Intimidation? We don't have first hand knowledge that her husband was angry at Maxime.
Dinah, in your years of being on Babble, do you recall any instance where this sort of thing happened with the Phillipa?
Do you have any recollection of people complaining about babblemails and emails ? Anyone at any time.
>
> Any attempt to de-escalate a situation like this is a good thing. For whatever reason.As I said above the damage was done. A verbal assault/threat can be as scary as a physical thread/assault. I know that from personal experience.
I hope this doesn't get swept under the rug.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:09:40
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 15:18:28
As a pragmatist, I feel moved to ask...
Does it seem possible that a thread like this might arouse sympathy in a direction other than what is intended? No matter what the reason, is this the best way to achieve your goals?
I know when I read posts, I hear more information about the poster than the subject of the posts.
As I said before, if someone receives an uncivil babblemail, it should be forwarded to Dr. Bob. No one can assume that because they write a babblemail they are safe to say anything. It says right on the babblemail that the civility rules apply. I try never to write any babblemail that I would mind having Dr. Bob review, because I realize that it can be forwarded to him. I would advise everyone to follow that rule.
I have really nothing more to say on the the topic. People will make their own choices to post according to their own values, and their willingness to live with the consequences.
Posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 17:14:16
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 9:08:43
>>Dr. Bob *will* be around sooner or later. If the posters on this thread feel that having their say is worth any consequences that follow, that's their decision to make. But I hope that when consequences do follow, neither Dr. Bob nor any other poster will be considered to blame.
Precisely.
>>What any other poster does is their responsibility. What each of us does in response is our *own* responsibility.
Exactly.
Thanks, Dinah. I feel sad and dismayed reading this thread. I have asked Dr. Bob to look at it.
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
In reply to Re: FYI » fayeroe, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:09:40
> As a pragmatist, I feel moved to ask...
>
> Does it seem possible that a thread like this might arouse sympathy in a direction other than what is intended? No matter what the reason, is this the best way to achieve your goals?
>
> I know when I read posts, I hear more information about the poster than the subject of the posts.
>
> As I said before, if someone receives an uncivil babblemail, it should be forwarded to Dr. Bob. No one can assume that because they write a babblemail they are safe to say anything. It says right on the babblemail that the civility rules apply. I try never to write any babblemail that I would mind having Dr. Bob review, because I realize that it can be forwarded to him. I would advise everyone to follow that rule.
>
> I have really nothing more to say on the the topic. People will make their own choices to post according to their own values, and their willingness to live with the consequences.As a realist, I am asking you if you are refusing to answer the question about the "behind the scenes" babblemail controversy? Why can't you answer a simple question? Do you remember this happening before with babblemails?
I really am not in this to make sure anyone gets any sympathy. I could care less about sympathy. I am in this for what is right.
Correct this. It has been going on for years. This is why I am in this.
It is wrong.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:39:30
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
I also am concerned with what is right.
I've been the subject of attention like this. I think many of us have.
I don't see how this is the best way or the most effective way to resolve any issue.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:42:42
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 17:14:16
I felt the same way.
I just don't understand people sometimes.
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:53:35
In reply to Re: FYI » fayeroe, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:39:30
> I also am concerned with what is right.
>
> I've been the subject of attention like this. I think many of us have.
>
> I don't see how this is the best way or the most effective way to resolve any issue.Nothing has been done so far that has put a stop to it. Would you agree with me?
There is an 800 lb elephant in the room and it has been ignored for years.
I don't think anyone is going to make this up. Proof is in their babblemails. Would you call the posters liars?
For the record, I don't dislike Bob.I don't know Bob. I dislike the behavior.
>
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:55:00
In reply to Re: FYI » 10derheart, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:42:42
> I felt the same way.
>
> I just don't understand people sometimes.Neither do I.
>
>
Posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:02:33
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
"Encourage one another and build each other up."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 18:16:14
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:53:35
> I don't think anyone is going to make this up. Proof is in their babblemails. Would you call the posters liars?
I'm not sure why you're asking this of me. I didn't intend anything I said to suggest that anyone was lying or making things up, and I'm not sure what you interpreted to mean that.
Posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 18:31:51
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
> Correct this.
Any suggestions?
I have none at the moment.
I really haven't given it much thought. I think I understand why it is unsettling to imagine what is going on "behind the scenes". I was recently approached by a poster who wanted to know if it was true that I disliked them. I was told that a third party had suggested the idea. I refused to be sucked into the drama. However, I was disgusted by the whole thing. I lost quite a bit of respect for the questioning poster. I can't imagine what else is going on behind the scenes. For some of us, it may be our imaginations that leave us thinking the worst. I guess it is a survival mechanism. It is safer to prepare for the worst than it is to assume the best.
I really don't give a damn what either of these two gossipers think of me. However, I do worry about what may be the untoward consequences of their present and future behaviors as they may eventually intrude in my life.
You never know.
Yuck.
- Scott
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 18:33:32
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:02:33
>
>
> "Encourage one another and build each other up."
> - 1 Thessalonians 5:11
I suppose we can ask WWJD.
Posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:40:18
In reply to Re: FYI » 10derheart, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 18:33:32
>I suppose we can ask WWJD.Encourage each other and build each other up?
Posted by gardenergirl on November 16, 2010, at 18:44:53
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 18:31:51
> > Correct this.
>
> Any suggestions?
>
> I have none at the moment.I think that Bob has limited power as to what goes on behind the scenes. True, he can view babblemails, but only ones that are sent to him with header info (or whatever the signature code or something or other) included. So behavior can occur that is against site guidelines without sanction if it is never reported to him.
>
> I refused to be sucked into the drama.That may be the best action to stop any gossiping behavior. Just don't participate; set a good example with this; don't reinforce the behavior, etc.
As a general comment, not one directed at or to anyone here, I have encountered folks in my lifetime who seem to "thrive" on gossip. It's like it's a source of energy or vitality for them. If we fail to engage in this behavior with such persons, we take away their power. I actually feel sort of sad when I think about someone who gains so much from gossip, because I get the impression that they are striving for something, maybe esteem, that they aren't getting elsewhere in life. And I believe we all are worthy of esteem, at the very least, self-esteem. So I feel sad about it.
There's my four cents. Inflation and all... ;)
gg
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:55:37
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
You are exactly right.
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:56:52
In reply to Re: FYI » fayeroe, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:39:30
What is the most effective way to resolve this issue then? To ignore it? Yeah, that will work, until the next time.
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:58:08
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:02:33
Yes, but when one does the opposite what do you do?
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 19:33:44
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:56:52
Forward uncivil babblemails to Dr. Bob.
Have you gotten any? Did you forward them to Dr. Bob?
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 19:37:04
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:56:52
Gardenergirl's suggestion was also a good one.
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 19:57:14
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by gardenergirl on November 16, 2010, at 18:44:53
> > > Correct this.
> >
> > Any suggestions?
> >
> > I have none at the moment.
>
> I think that Bob has limited power as to what goes on behind the scenes. True, he can view babblemails, but only ones that are sent to him with header info (or whatever the signature code or something or other) included. So behavior can occur that is against site guidelines without sanction if it is never reported to him.
> >
> > I refused to be sucked into the drama.
>
> That may be the best action to stop any gossiping behavior. Just don't participate; set a good example with this; don't reinforce the behavior, etc.I agree with you that not participating is the best thing to do when someone who gossips approaches you. But if a poster is new and does not know that the other poster is bringing "stories" and spreading rumors, (made up by gossiping poster) they may find themselves in a huge mess that turns out to be very confusing and hurtful.
Then there is the sort of gossip that Scott referred to..the "someone told me that you don't like me" junk. This is a mental health forum and naturally there are people here who have low self-esteem and they will be hurt if they think someone dislikes them.
>
> As a general comment, not one directed at or to anyone here, I have encountered folks in my lifetime who seem to "thrive" on gossip. It's like it's a source of energy or vitality for them. If we fail to engage in this behavior with such persons, we take away their power. I actually feel sort of sad when I think about someone who gains so much from gossip, because I get the impression that they are striving for something, maybe esteem, that they aren't getting elsewhere in life. And I believe we all are worthy of esteem, at the very least, self-esteem. So I feel sad about it.I agree with you. I feel sad for a gossiper but I feel just as sad for the victim. More so, actually. The victim doesn't ask to be involved. It is like "you can't pick your family". I believe that some posters feel that Babble is their family..their life. When a "family member" tells them something that eventually hurts them, what do they do?
>
> There's my four cents. Inflation and all... ;)
>
> gg
>
>
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 20:00:24
In reply to Re: FYI » johnj1, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 19:33:44
I have. But people don't intimidate me because I don't put up with their BS. It is not hard for me being male to tell someone to piss off.
However, some people are in states that gossip and threats, especially when it is a male towards a female, scares them and can cause a lot of angst. I despise this type of person. Anyone, in my book, that threatens or degrades a woman, is a coward. Then throw in a woman relaying these messages and I find it appalling.
We have been down this path many many times before and it seems a poster continues this behavior. Maybe it is a game and maybe it makes them feel good doing it but I cannot not say anything just to preserve the peace. Dr. Bob may consider my posts uncivil, I really don't know. But I find the "behind the scenes" stuff much more serious and uncivil because it is sometines malicious (as in what SLS described).
Posted by gardenergirl on November 16, 2010, at 20:32:28
In reply to Re: FYI » gardenergirl, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 19:57:14
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.