![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 49 to 73 of 98. Go back in thread:
Posted by TexasChic on May 1, 2006, at 20:41:54
In reply to Advice that borders on nagging... » TexasChic, posted by Racer on May 1, 2006, at 13:33:45
You're not nagging, you're giving advice and I appreciate that. Of course I will think things through and decide what I think is best for me, but I consider it all very seriously and it's all appreciated.
I have been wanting to take ceramics, it sounds so fun. But the class is $200, the same as the computer course I'd like to take. The meditation class is only $47 and I am really interested in that. I have tried to meditate but can't really figure out how to do it, so I thought a class might be good. The yoga and kickboxing are that price too. So I might be able take a couple of those.
I understand what you're saying about the knitting. I know I need something to take care of that nervous energy. I bought a learn to knit kit, but it kind of intimitated me. I might try something easier to start off with like cross stitch.
When I was talking about banishing bad thoughts, I meant my obsessive and paranoid thoughts. I have to learn to let some of that go. I see what you mean though about figuring through them instead of trying to banish them.
Now, on to today. Cuteboy took the day off, so I didn't have to deal with that today. However, ALL DAY LONG everyone talked and laughed (loudly) about the birthday thing and all the antics that went on. ALL DAY! Buy the end of the day I was furious. I thought, I did nothing to deserve this and it just isn't right that I'm paying the price because some crazy bitch decided she doesn't like me anymore (for no reason I can fanthom). I just thought, screw this! I have every right to be hurt and angry. Of course, he can choose to invite whoever he wants, but that doesn't mean I have to just be okay with it. If that is the way he's going to be, I have to let him know its not okay with me, and if he doesn't give a damn then I'm better off without him. Now I'm not saying I won't give him a chance or anything, I just think if he acts like he doesn't care, then its high time I stopped pursuing the whole thing.
As for the interview, it went really well. I felt like I was more than qualified and had examples to back it up. But I can''t say I got a feeling one way or another about it. He said he had seen alot of very talented graphic artists. The good thing is he said he would decide by the end of the week.
They sell software and he said they can get it for their employes low cost or sometimes even free. That was enough to make me want the job right there. The REALLY cool thing is he said that some who didn't get chosen would be offered freelance work. I told him I don't have the software at home and he said, "Oh, we'd set you up". I was so close to saying I love you.
I'm really wanting to work for a large company, and this one only has 50 people. But if the benifits out way the that one thing, I'll definitely go for it.
If nothing else, I felt so much better after the interview. Before I got there, I was close to tears. Afterwards I was excited and feeling much more positive. Part of it was just seeing a different place and thinking, "I could see myself here". It helped me realize I can't be so complacent and need to pursure better things for myself.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 2, 2006, at 16:42:01
In reply to Not nagging » Racer, posted by TexasChic on May 1, 2006, at 20:41:54
The whole thing with being ignored and isolated is upsetting, but I've realized the real underlying cause of what gets me upset involves Cuteboy. Today I went in still indignant and pissed off and knew I needed to let go of that dream. So I avoided eye contact and didn't speak to him all day. I was okay until for some reason, in the last two hours I got really upset about it. From past experience I know if I ignore him he's going to retreat even further. But even knowing that, and knowing he can't possibly care about me much more than a casual aquiantance, in the back of my mind I guess I still held out hope. I mean, logically I know its not going to happen, but yet somewhere inside I cant let it go. So for about the past two hours I cried silently at my desk. I knew what I wanted was for him to say something to me, to express concern that I was upset with him, but I also knew that wasn't going to happen. How do you deal when the person you like so much doesn't feel the same? I just feel heartbroken. As much as it tears at my heart, I hope I get that job just so I can get away from him and never see him again. How else am I ever going to get over this? I just can't stop crying.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 2, 2006, at 19:20:10
In reply to I'm so sad, posted by TexasChic on May 2, 2006, at 16:42:01
And a few beers and a few bowls later, I'm feeling all better! Just kidding, well, kind of. Anyway, I worked it out in my head what I want to do and I suddenly felt better.
Okay, imagine I get this new job, I've already thought about asking my boss to keep it to himself that I'm leaving. I could work out my two weeks and then one day just not show up. It'd be nice to work the last two weeks out without the 'nosy bitches gang' snooping around trying to find out all the little details. What on earth makes my life so fascinating to them? Its just WEIRD.
I was told this morning that one of them walked by my desk and says in a loud voice, "Well, I guess T's late again." I heard this from two different people! I could go on and on about this chic's antics, from making excuses to come in the room where I'm talking to someone, to saying loud sarcastic things to the person right next to her. For instance; "Well if SOMEBODY would do some WORK around here..." Its unbelievably ridiculous.
The second part of my plan is, after my last day, I'll email Cuteboy, tell him about the new job, and well... you know ... that I have huge crush on him! At least it will help explain why I acted like such an idiot around him all the time. I'll probably never see him again, so I can spare that embarrassment. Plus, I will know once and for all that he 'knows', and that if he was interested, he would do something about it. This way it'll be totally in his court and I can let it go-o-o-o. Now whether I actually have the nerve to DO all this or not, or even get the job for that matter, is debatable. But I feel better having a plan. Which is good since I was crying my eyes out while writing that first post!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 3, 2006, at 18:15:21
In reply to Re: I'm so sad, posted by TexasChic on May 2, 2006, at 19:20:10
Its so weird, when I was in desperate need of a job, I couldn't get a call back for a month. Now, I send my resume thinking I have all this time, and within a few days I have two different interviews! My second interview is on Monday (cool place too).
For the first time this week I didn't cry once at work! Somehow making that half *ssed plan took care of my worries and made me feel better. Well, that and the interviews.
I still didn't speak to Cuteboy today, I haven't all week. I've tried to avoid speaking to him in the past, because I always seem to be the one to initiate conversations. He just never seemed to notice. But oh boy, he notices now! I catch him looking at me all the time. He held the door open for me today and I had to walk right past him staring at me. I looked right at him and gave a very subdued 'thanks', and walked on (I don't count that as talking). I know he'll eventually just say 'screw it' and give up, but for now its nice to be indignant for once instead of a door mat. I'm getting a little better at standing up for myself, and I've noticed you get alot more respect that way.
I've noticed that Coldshouldergirl's two male friends seem to be trying to be extra nice to me. I sometimes wonder if the fact that I got along with them so well right off the bat was the reason she turned on me. I'm pretty sure it had something to do with it. They also make it more fun to ignore Cuteboy.
Today I was sitting outside on break with one of these guys, the rest of the group was standing a little ways off. I saw him roll his eyes and I said, "What?" He said, "They're STILL talking about Friday!" I was like, AH-HA! I knew I wasn't just being paranoid! (This was in my head, not aloud). Turns out he didn't go either, because he had something to do. He wasn't snubbed like me, but was still finding all the talk annoying. It made me feel better.
So I'm just going along, doing my thing, talking to the people who talk to me (mostly guys), and trying not to let the others get to me. Today was a much better day.
-T
Posted by ClearSkies on May 4, 2006, at 7:37:16
In reply to I didn't cry today and I've got another interview!, posted by TexasChic on May 3, 2006, at 18:15:21
Congratulations on both counts!
It is so hard to be dispassionate about a workplace and the people in it (in my experience, anyway). The best and only advice I can give is not to try to prevent how you feel, but just notice it when it happens. Like, "hmm, I start to cry when (whomever it is) makes a critical remark". You're not stuffing down your emotions, and you're not trying to change what you feel or how you react to things.
(This is magic, ok? It's making a world of difference to me, and it's pretty easy. Just try it for a day.)
Posted by TexasChic on May 4, 2006, at 20:53:30
In reply to Re: I didn't cry today and I've got another interview! » TexasChic, posted by ClearSkies on May 4, 2006, at 7:37:16
> Congratulations on both counts!
>
> It is so hard to be dispassionate about a workplace and the people in it (in my experience, anyway). The best and only advice I can give is not to try to prevent how you feel, but just notice it when it happens. Like, "hmm, I start to cry when (whomever it is) makes a critical remark". You're not stuffing down your emotions, and you're not trying to change what you feel or how you react to things.
>
> (This is magic, ok? It's making a world of difference to me, and it's pretty easy. Just try it for a day.)Sounds like good advice! I've kind of figured out what upsets me most has to do with cuteboy. I don't think I would have been upset for so long about the bitchygirls if it weren't for his involvement.
Today I accidently talked to him. He brought me my printouts and they had stuck together. He just looked so funny, saying, "um, something happened here." I just started laughing and said "thanks". I guess that's what you mean about not stuffing down your feelings. Its just not natural for me to be unfriendly or indifferent to people. But I don't want him to think I'm okay with his actions. But I guess if he doesn't get that by now, he doesn't really care much anyway. I'm so ready to get away from that whole work situation.
I was good about avoiding the drama today. I was even nice to bitchygirl, and she actually said "thanks". Actually I'm always nice, it just seemed to be more recognized today.
I go outside at lunch so I don't have to see everyone order in (intentionally leaving me out) and eat it in front of me. One of Coldshoulder's guy friends, who is rumored to have been more than friends with her at one time, always comes out and talks to me at lunch. Hm-m-m.
-T
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 5, 2006, at 7:12:00
In reply to Re: I didn't cry today and I've got another interv » ClearSkies, posted by TexasChic on May 4, 2006, at 20:53:30
> I go outside at lunch so I don't have to see everyone order in (intentionally leaving me out) and eat it in front of me.
Do you feel the emotional trap in that sentence?
People group themselves by unnatural means, e.g. the random collection that came to be you and your co-workers, or by other undefined criteria. However it is that this other group has formed, it has formed such that you are not a charter member (it was there before you were). Nor, apparently, are you a potential member. I sense much of your emotion arises from the way you frame the current situation. You aren't a member of that group, yet you keep letting yourself expect to receive member's benefits. That, my dear TC, is entirely up to you.
All the best on your new job opportunities. New job means new people. New groups. New opportunities to try new thinking.
Thumbs up.
Lar
Posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 21:12:32
In reply to Re: I didn't cry today and I've got another interv » TexasChic, posted by Larry Hoover on May 5, 2006, at 7:12:00
Actually, I was part of the group for several months. The two girls sought me out when I was just fine staying to myself. I mean they would literally say, "Stop being so anti-social and come over and join us". Then one day they abruptly stopped talking to me for no apparent reason. I eventually found out this is a pattern with them, a way of bullying people.
The reason I eat lunch outside is because they like to get everyone except me to order food, and then bring it to the desk right beside me and hand it out. And by everyone I mean everyone in the department, not just their group. They are very childish.
However, I do see what you're saying about setting myself up for failure. After this episode, I doubt I'll ever have a problem with that in concern to making friends at work though. I'm think I'm kind of traumatized from this whole thing.
I'm glad you're back Larry!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 21:54:06
In reply to Re: I didn't cry today and I've got another interv » Larry Hoover, posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 21:12:32
I've noticed a change in the bitchygirls' behavior for the past couple of days. Remember I said bitchygirl said "Thank you" to me the other day? I've also noticed coldshouldergirl has stopped avoiding the printers when I'm there, which she'd very noticably been doing. Well today they actually asked me if I wanted to order lunch!!! Not only that, but when getting the list together I heard bitchygirl ask the girl making the list, "Did you ask T?" Like all of a sudden, she's all concerned about me!
I don't know how their warped thinking works, but I think its somehow connected to me having interviews. They're always complaining about what a dump our work is and how horrible they treat you, and how they have GOT to get another job. But they never do. But you would think they would be jealous instead of suddenly being friendly. Who knows? I'm so sick of trying to interpret their actions that I don't even care enough to try to find out.
I'm going to go shopping for an interview suit this weekend (wish me luck). I also have to fix up my portfolio. I think the place I'm interviewing at on Monday is much more corporate than any I've been to before, so I'll have to spiff things up.
Its weird how there's all these job opportunities all of a sudden. And at good places too! I wonder if it has to do with the surge in population from the misplaced New Orlean's people. I figured that would make it harder to get a job, but I guess with more consumers comes a need for more products. I don't know, I'm just speculating.
Anyway, I'm glad its the weekend and I get a break from the lunatics. I can't wait to get a new job and start meeting new people! Of course I will be terrified to make friends with any of them, but still, new people are a good thing.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 22:02:12
In reply to Weird, posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 21:54:06
I just wanted to let yall know, I don't expect anyone to read all my obsessive posts on this thread. Sometimes posting is just a cathartic thing for me. Not that I don't want responses, I do. But even I don't want to go back and read all those posts! I hope I haven't chased everyone off! ;-)
-T
Posted by verne on May 5, 2006, at 22:20:32
In reply to Wow! I've posted like a mad woman on this thread!, posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 22:02:12
I've been following along. I hope you get the new job and it works out for you.
verne
Posted by Phillipa on May 5, 2006, at 22:31:18
In reply to Wow! I've posted like a mad woman on this thread!, posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 22:02:12
T I'm still here and you're right it's cathartic. Love Phillipa. ps you have my E-mail rant at me anytime.
Posted by TexasChic on May 6, 2006, at 17:07:12
In reply to Re: Wow! I've posted like a mad woman on this thread! » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on May 5, 2006, at 22:31:18
Thanks Verne, you're so sweet. You too Phillipa.
Well, I've been out shopping all day and FINALLY found a suit for the interview monday. I looked everywhere! I even gave in and went to the mall to check out some department stores, but I just came out of there feeling poor and fat. It actually made me feel like a bout of depression was coming on. But then, on a whim, I stopped at this place by my house and the first one I picked up was perfect! And it has pinstripes so its actually slimming!
I swear, so many things I tried on were just so unflattering! You would think they would know that in the bigger sizes people will want something slimming. Instead they're all boxy and emphasize the hips. I mean really, what size 16 women is going to want something with not even a suggestion of a waist, and the jacket stops right at the hips so there's this vertical line going, look at my hips! Of course I found all these cute little suits that I couldn't fit my big toe in, and at the same place the larger things were hidious, like a skirt with big flowers all over it. Come on! And what is the deal with the pastels??? Everwhere I looked it was like Easter. Gross.
So anyway, I've got that part done. Now I have to work on spiffing up my portfolio.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 6, 2006, at 17:27:01
In reply to Good stuff, posted by TexasChic on May 6, 2006, at 17:07:12
(I felt like my first post was running too long, and was kind of two different subjects, so I split it up. Hence the good stuff, bad stuff.)
Tommorow I'm supposed to meet up with some family members for lunch. My brother is moving to Kentucky and wants to get together one last time. My uncle has a house he can stay in that he'll let him do repairs on in lieu of rent, and he's going to show him how to take care of hogs. Now you've got to realize, we may be southern, but we're city people, so he might as well be going to outer space. But he has had alot of bad things happen at once. His car gave up the ghost, the next day he got fired, and my mom sold my Grandmother's house so he had nowhere to live. It was just one thing after another. So I can see how this is a good opportunity to clear his head and reevaluate his life. He'll be away from all his co-dependent relationships, and maybe will learn that he can rely on himself. Plus he'll be doing entirely physical work, which I don't think he's ever done before, and should be good for him.
The downside is, he's bipolar and doesn't take meds anymore. So I'm kind of worried about him going out there and being so isolated. Plus, of course, he's never been that far away before, and I always worry about him. He's my little brother, and I've always tried to look out for him. So I just don't really know how to feel about the whole thing. I know at some point this will hit me, its just happening so fast right now.
One last thing, I realized my Grandmother's birthday is tuesday. She passed away a year ago in June and its been really hard on me. I realized this as I was driving past her old house, when I was feeling depressed about the whole trying on clothes situation. I think I would have started bawling, but it started raining really hard and I could barely see, so I had to concentrate on driving.
So with that, all the crap at work, the upcoming interview, and my brother moving, I've just got too much sh*t bouncing around in my head!
-T
Posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2006, at 21:32:20
In reply to Bad stuff, posted by TexasChic on May 6, 2006, at 17:27:01
That is though and I emphathize with you. Think positively about the job and what about if you got a good raise enough to help your brother get someone to help him? Love Phillipa
Posted by milly on May 7, 2006, at 14:35:41
In reply to Bad stuff, posted by TexasChic on May 6, 2006, at 17:27:01
> So with that, all the crap at work, the upcoming interview, and my brother moving, I've just got too much sh*t bouncing around in my head!***I have been following your 'saga' but haven't been too great myself, but i wanted you to know I'll be thinking about you tomorrow for your interview, bet you'll look great and ooze confidence.Sorry it's all a bit much right now ((((TC))))
milly
Posted by TexasChic on May 7, 2006, at 20:52:06
In reply to Re: Bad stuff » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2006, at 21:32:20
> That is though and I emphathize with you. Think positively about the job and what about if you got a good raise enough to help your brother get someone to help him? Love Phillipa
Actually, I'm trying to get out of being the person everyone comes to for money. But I 'am' trying to think positively about the interview, although there's a couple of things I know I'm not strong in. They say you have to type 50 wpm, and I have no idea how fast I type. They also ask for a few programs I don't know, but I do know the other five they ask for. And I can pick up new programs pretty quickly because once you learn one, the rest are usually pretty similiar.
They also ask for 'willingness to work above and beyond regular work hours including late nights, weekends and holidays when needed to achieve goals and meet deadlines'. So I'm like, "oh, great". But to be truthful my last two jobs have been total blow off jobs, so maybe its time to actually make an effort again.
So, I'll let yall know how it goes tomorrow. Thanks for all the support!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 7, 2006, at 21:25:42
In reply to Re: Bad stuff » TexasChic, posted by milly on May 7, 2006, at 14:35:41
> ***I have been following your 'saga' but haven't been too great myself, but i wanted you to know I'll be thinking about you tomorrow for your interview, bet you'll look great and ooze confidence.Sorry it's all a bit much right now ((((TC))))
> millyThanks milly! I always think people probably aren't reading what I write, so its funny when I hear that they've been following my story. It makes me feel like I'm famous or something. ;-) It also makes me think, my ramblings can't possibly be all that interesting - those poor people.
Thanks for thinking of me tomorrow. When I start to freak out, I'll try to think of that. Someone, somewhere in the universe is thinking of me and hoping I do well. That's actually very reassuring!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 8, 2006, at 18:47:01
In reply to Re: Bad stuff » milly, posted by TexasChic on May 7, 2006, at 21:25:42
This place was awesome, a beautiful building, laid back atmosphere, interesting and challenging subject matter, great benefits. The guy was funny and casual. He said he's not one of those supervisers who knit picks, he cares more about getting it done than how you get it done (I don't know how many times I've wished for that!). He said they have a lot of fun and joke around and best of all, I'd be working with all guys! Wow, I hope I get it! I don't want to get too excited and be disappointed if I don't, but I think its too late for that. He said he would let me find out within the next two weeks. Yea!!!
-T
Posted by wildcardII on May 9, 2006, at 13:58:54
In reply to Wow! I think I just interviewed for my dream job!, posted by TexasChic on May 8, 2006, at 18:47:01
~you have been through hell. i truly hope you get the job and i think the way you are handling things w/ cute or bastard boy is great. forget those snobby b*tches. they aren't worth it.
Posted by TexasChic on May 9, 2006, at 20:28:35
In reply to girl! » TexasChic, posted by wildcardII on May 9, 2006, at 13:58:54
Thanks! I appreciate that. The more I ignore the mean ones, the easier it gets. I get more focused on getting through and moving on rather than trying to 'fix' anything - which in this case I think is the right thing to do. I ignore cuteboy unless he speaks directly to me. I feel like I'm SLOWLY pulling away from my feelings for him. Either that or I'm totally fooling myself. I guess only time will tell.
I really really want that job! But even if I don't get it, just knowing that type of job is out there will motivate me to keep trying. But I really really want it!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 10, 2006, at 19:05:12
In reply to Re: girl! » wildcardII, posted by TexasChic on May 9, 2006, at 20:28:35
I just got off the phone with him. I really can't wrap my mind around the fact that he'll be so far away. I feel kind of bad because he's always been real dependent on me, and in the last few years I've kind of been backing off out of self preservation. So now that he's leaving I feel all weird about it.
I'm also worried. He's going to be alone on a farm in the country with no tv or maybe even a phone. I told him he needs to make sure he at least has a dog with him or something (I'm sure my uncle has a few). A pet is the best way to fight off loneliness as far as I'm concerned. Plus, an animal can alert you if somethings not right, like another animal lurking around or something.
I know its also exciting for him. Its a chance to clear his mind and start deciding what he really wants out of life. And he's ready to do whatever it takes. I hope he likes it.
He won't be completely alone, he will have my aunt and uncle, and a couple of cousins living in the same town. They're all a little bit off in one way or another, but I know they'll look out for him.
Its just a weird feeling, none of us have ever been very far away from each other. He should be back in a few weeks though to get some of his stuff. At least that's the tentative plan. Its hard to get a straight answer out of my uncle sometimes.
I guess I'm just feeling melancholy.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 11, 2006, at 20:22:16
In reply to My brother is leaving tomorrow., posted by TexasChic on May 10, 2006, at 19:05:12
For the past couple of weeks, the bullies have switched their attention back to their previous victim (I'll call her A). Yesterday, bitchygirl flipped her off across the room and and A lost it. She yelled across the room, "How about you come say that to my face!" They went back and forth a couple of times. Everyone was just sitting there with their eyes and mouths wide open, supervisor included (it was very startling).
After work, A approached me to talk since she knows what I've recently gone through. I told her I didn't blame her and if bitchygirl had happened to catch me at the wrong time, I may have lost it too. She said she had talked to our supervisor (who BTW, asked bitchygirl to apologize to no avail) and was going to go to HR. Today she told me she had done that and her complaint was now on file with mine.
I started thinking about everything. I realized that as quickly as the attention had turned from me to A, it could turn back. I also thought about the fact that if I do nothing, I'm allowing her to terrorize future people. So I went to HR and talked to two ladies who worked there. They said the person I really needed to talk to would be in tomorrow, but encouraged me to talk with them. I told them everything, including I was looking for another job, and they were like, "I wouldn't want to work in that environment either!" Then they started talking about how my department was the hardest to keep people in, and this girl could be the reason why! I told them I completely believed that.
So tomorrow I'm going to talk to the other lady, and tell her to make my complaint formal. This will cause bitchygirl to be written up for both complaints. I don't know how many means termination, but it ought to put the fear of God in her. I realize I may get a backlash from the rest of the group, but I really don't have anything to lose at this point.
So wish me luck and courage and positive karma for tomorrow, I'm standing up to a bully.
-T
Posted by wildcardII on May 11, 2006, at 20:56:32
In reply to I'm following through w/standing up to the bully., posted by TexasChic on May 11, 2006, at 20:22:16
Posted by milly on May 12, 2006, at 15:54:06
In reply to I'm following through w/standing up to the bully., posted by TexasChic on May 11, 2006, at 20:22:16
Absolutely brilliant TC, you did the right thing and I'm so glad HR was so good with you. i'll be thinking about you tomorrow.
milly
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