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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Mal on July 26, 2005, at 21:14:58
In reply to Re: porn? » Mal, posted by fairywings on July 26, 2005, at 21:11:14
Thanks, FW. Good to have a response, especially from someone who understands where I am coming from... Makes me feel like maybe I am not too square after all...
MAL
Posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2005, at 21:54:02
In reply to Re: porn? » fairywings, posted by Mal on July 26, 2005, at 21:14:58
I agree - and for all those reasons too.
But: I would be careful about the 'I'm afraid of what you might do with the pic's' line or he might say 'don't you trust me??????'
Because I don't think it is just about trust...
I'd feel like an object.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2005, at 21:57:04
In reply to Re: porn? » Mal, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2005, at 21:54:02
Stuff like that is real hard...
I've done a few things because I didn't want to be a prude either.
I had to learn that some things just don't feel right and that it is okay that they don't feel right and that it is just not worth my feeling like that so that someone else can get off. Because there are other ways of getting off...But I had to learn the hard way :-(
Posted by Bobby on July 26, 2005, at 23:51:33
In reply to porn?, posted by Mal on July 26, 2005, at 20:47:00
it will surely come back to haunt you. If you have kids--what if they catch a glimse? No MAN can keep that kind of thing to himself--trust me.On the positive side--he must think you are pretty.
Posted by fairywings on July 26, 2005, at 23:56:03
In reply to Don't do it » Mal, posted by Bobby on July 26, 2005, at 23:51:33
Look what happened to Dr. Laura, and on the other end of the spectrum, Paris Hilton! ; )
FW
Posted by Damos on July 27, 2005, at 0:19:21
In reply to porn?, posted by Mal on July 26, 2005, at 20:47:00
Hi Mal,
In all honesty I don't think it has anything to do with you being a prude or not. As you said, your feelings about porn are clear. It's about what feels right to you. It's about you having personal boundaries and him respecting you enough to respect them. It's about not giving in on this only to find yourself on a slippery slope that might be hard to get off.
Quite simply if your were going to be uncomfortable and feeling bad about yourself, how could he feel good about it - then or later. Personally I couldn't find myself turned on by something that made you feel bad.
Hope you can find ways to be together that are good for you both.
Posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 6:40:32
In reply to Re: porn? » Mal, posted by Damos on July 27, 2005, at 0:19:21
>It's about what feels right to you. It's about you having personal boundaries and him respecting you enough to respect them. It's about not giving in on this only to find yourself on a slippery slope that might be hard to get off.
>
> Quite simply if your were going to be uncomfortable and feeling bad about yourself, how could he feel good about it - then or later. Personally I couldn't find myself turned on by something that made you feel bad.
>
> Hope you can find ways to be together that are good for you both.
Oh, we have a great sex life, just not quite often enough... We have a toddler, but when we get to it, it is GREAT!!ANd we already had this conversation- he wanted to take some pics and I said NO, and we had a great time anyway. He didn't sulk. It was just my afterthought that made me ask ya'll what you think.
THanks for the input.
MAL
Posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 6:46:15
In reply to Re: porn? » Mal, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2005, at 21:54:02
> But: I would be careful about the 'I'm afraid of what you might do with the pic's' line or he might say 'don't you trust me??????'
>
> Because I don't think it is just about trust...
>
> I'd feel like an object.I didn't really tell him my thoughts about "what are you going to do with them?"... Because that would probably be his response, "Don't you trust me?"
He and I had this conversation [where he wanted to take some pics] in the heat of passion. I said NO and we had a great time anyway. I thought I would get a wider opinion here, though, so that if I cahanged my mind I could surprize him sometime.
THanks for your thoughts,
MAL
Posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 6:49:04
In reply to Re: porn?, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2005, at 21:57:04
> Stuff like that is real hard...
> I've done a few things because I didn't want to be a prude either.
> I had to learn that some things just don't feel right and that it is okay that they don't feel right and that it is just not worth my feeling like that so that someone else can get off. Because there are other ways of getting off...
>
> But I had to learn the hard way :-(Sorry you learned the hard way. And yeah, the pressure not to be a prude can be rough, but it is easier in the end to be a prude and not feel bad about yourself.
Have a great day!
MAL
Posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 6:54:48
In reply to Don't do it » Mal, posted by Bobby on July 26, 2005, at 23:51:33
> it will surely come back to haunt you. If you have kids--what if they catch a glimse? No MAN can keep that kind of thing to himself--trust me.On the positive side--he must think you are pretty.
We do have a toddler, and I wouldn't want her to stumble onto some naughty pics of her parents. It would certainly be traumatic!And I was afraid of that..."No MAN can keep that kind of thing to himself--trust me."
And on the positive side, well, he knew I wouldn't let him take pics that could identify me. So maybe he thinks "parts" of me are pretty! LOL
THanks, Bobby!
MAL
Posted by fairywings on July 27, 2005, at 7:22:00
In reply to Re: porn? » Mal, posted by Damos on July 27, 2005, at 0:19:21
Someone needs to catch this man and marry him! He might be too good to be true! ; )
FW
Posted by fairywings on July 27, 2005, at 7:31:33
In reply to Re: porn? » alexandra_k, posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 6:46:15
>
> He and I had this conversation [where he wanted to take some pics] in the heat of passion. I said NO and we had a great time anyway. > MAL
>
>
Ohhhh, well maybe he just really wanted you to know how incredibly sexy you are to him and that was another way of telling you. Some people might think it was a compliment to say that to their partner/spouse. If he didn't sulk or bring it up again that would be my guess. Glad you had fun! ; )FW
Posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 10:24:12
In reply to Re: porn? » Mal, posted by fairywings on July 27, 2005, at 7:31:33
> >
> Ohhhh, well maybe he just really wanted you to know how incredibly sexy you are to him and that was another way of telling you. Some people might think it was a compliment to say that to their partner/spouse. If he didn't sulk or bring it up again that would be my guess. Glad you had fun! ; )
>
> FW
>LOL Maybe that was it, but he had the camera at the ready, too! From what I understand from some of your posts above you usually have a great time too! I am glad there are people like us who have fun- I have several IRL friends who don't seem to enjoy sex much. Makes me sad for them but that is always a touchy subject (sorry for the pun), and I can't really do anything about it for them...
Oh, how did I go off on that?
Have a great day!
MAL
Posted by fairywings on July 27, 2005, at 11:21:47
In reply to Re: porn? » fairywings, posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 10:24:12
I have several IRL friends who don't seem to enjoy sex much. Makes me sad for them but that is always a touchy subject (sorry for the pun), and I can't really do anything about it for them...
>
>
> MALWe do have a good sex life. I also have friends who say they either hate it, avoid it, dread it, or just don't enjoy it. Guess it's a difference in hormone levels and maybe style or attitude.
I was raped when I was 14. It took me a long time before I even felt okay about sex, so I'm glad I got to this point.
FW
Posted by Maximus on July 27, 2005, at 11:48:09
In reply to porn?, posted by Mal on July 26, 2005, at 20:47:00
Well i guess it is a very personal question. But if you're not at ease with this project don't do it.
On a personal note, although i do like to watch porn occasionally on the net, i would never take pictures/videos of our couple.
Posted by caraher on July 27, 2005, at 14:33:17
In reply to porn?, posted by Mal on July 26, 2005, at 20:47:00
From my male perspective it's really about respect, not prudery. If you're not comfortable that should seal it. It would be selfish to coerce someone you love into doing something s/he is not comfortable with.
Other comments... I disagree that any man would share them. Many would, sure, perhaps even most. But I've done something like this and destroyed the evidence, entirely on my own initiative, for the many reasons already mentioned and without "sharing" any of it with the world.
I'm glad your refusal did not turn into a point of contention. I agree that you should accept it as a compliment and be glad that he is understanding and respectful of your wishes. If you want to "indulge his fantasies" to some degree make sure you do so on terms *you* are comfortable with. It would be bad to feel that you just "gave in" and did something which might later breed resentment toward him
Posted by Damos on July 27, 2005, at 17:22:55
In reply to Re: porn? Attn all single babble women! » Damos, posted by fairywings on July 27, 2005, at 7:22:00
> Someone needs to catch this man and marry him! He might be too good to be true! ; )
>
> FWDamn it FW, ya nearly made me coat my screen in coffee. Wish I could believe I was the Damos people seem to see. In all honesty, just being a half decent friend is about the best I can manage without making a right mess of things. But thanks.
Posted by cockeyed on July 27, 2005, at 20:19:45
In reply to porn?, posted by Mal on July 26, 2005, at 20:47:00
Oh, yeah, sorry but I'm a guy. You know what? Make him grovel. Gimme a break, he should be getting down to pleasing you, not screwing around with photography. Pardon me, but I'm nuts, I think it's all about pleasing one's partner, ones wife, not playing a damn digital historian.
Mal, he owes you big time. What the hell was that play, Lysistrata, or whatever? Let him go to the porn palace and pay for product...you and him are you and him. Take his camera and shove it...altho if you'd like some suggestions for truly artistic...If he love's you and you him he'll get the message. Just make sure you let him know...he's gotta prove himself to you, not the other way 'round.
God, I sound like a female chauvinist. Cockeyed.
Posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 20:29:47
In reply to Re: porn? » Mal, posted by fairywings on July 27, 2005, at 11:21:47
> I was raped when I was 14. It took me a long time before I even felt okay about sex, so I'm glad I got to this point.
>
> FWI am very impressed! You've come a long way, baby!
MAL
Posted by cockeyed on July 27, 2005, at 20:32:56
In reply to Re: porn? » Mal, posted by Damos on July 27, 2005, at 0:19:21
Yo, Dude, you got a problem. I don't know what it is: decency...how prissy can one get. Or just...screw, it you got a problem. Of course some might consider that to be a virtue...yeah, right, manly-men and virtue. But you said it well and I think you got it right. You got a problem. And in this mean old world, sometimes problems are allright. cockeyed.
Posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 20:33:51
In reply to Re: porn? » Mal, posted by Maximus on July 27, 2005, at 11:48:09
> Well i guess it is a very personal question. But if you're not at ease with this project don't do it.
>
> On a personal note, although i do like to watch porn occasionally on the net, i would never take pictures/videos of our couple.
>
I am glad I have received so much support here. THank you!I just don't understand the whole porn thing. I don't get it. I don't get watching it, I don't get making "home videos".
Have a great evening...
MAL
Posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 20:40:44
In reply to Re: porn?, posted by caraher on July 27, 2005, at 14:33:17
> From my male perspective it's really about respect, not prudery. If you're not comfortable that should seal it. It would be selfish to coerce someone you love into doing something s/he is not comfortable with.
>
> Other comments... I disagree that any man would share them. Many would, sure, perhaps even most. But I've done something like this and destroyed the evidence, entirely on my own initiative, for the many reasons already mentioned and without "sharing" any of it with the world.
>
> I'm glad your refusal did not turn into a point of contention. I agree that you should accept it as a compliment and be glad that he is understanding and respectful of your wishes. If you want to "indulge his fantasies" to some degree make sure you do so on terms *you* are comfortable with. It would be bad to feel that you just "gave in" and did something which might later breed resentment toward himYOu are sooo right. And I AM glad he is understanding. There have been other, totally unrelated issues that he has said, "I don't want you to resent me for this, so have it your way", and I am sure he feels the same way about this issue. And I have said the same to him about things. We are not in a power struggle; we both know it isn't healthy to MAKE the other do something. In fact, we both have pretty strong personalities- we couldn't MAKE one another do ANYthing we didn't want to do! LOL
Thank you for your thoughtful reply!!
Have a great evening!
MAL
Posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2005, at 20:48:54
In reply to Re: porn? » caraher, posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 20:40:44
I don't get porn either.
I mean... I have mental pictures from my experiences. They come to mind sometimes...
But looking at pictures of real people...
I just think how would I feel if someone got a shot of me and I found out that people were using it for that. I'd feel yuk. Like an object.
And I know some people say they feel different...
And maybe they do...
Or maybe they have talked themselves into it for the money.
Who knows.
But the point is that there is a person in that pic
And I really don't understand the urge to do that with a picture of some object.And as for taking a pic of you...
He has you in the flesh
So I don't understand what the point would be.But thats just me
anti-porn
and a bit strange no doubt...
Posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 20:51:29
In reply to Re: porn? » Mal, posted by cockeyed on July 27, 2005, at 20:19:45
> Oh, yeah, sorry but I'm a guy. You know what? Make him grovel. Gimme a break, he should be getting down to pleasing you, not screwing around with photography. Pardon me, but I'm nuts, I think it's all about pleasing one's partner, ones wife, not playing a damn digital historian.
> Mal, he owes you big time. What the hell was that play, Lysistrata, or whatever? Let him go to the porn palace and pay for product...you and him are you and him. Take his camera and shove it...altho if you'd like some suggestions for truly artistic...If he love's you and you him he'll get the message. Just make sure you let him know...he's gotta prove himself to you, not the other way 'round.
> God, I sound like a female chauvinist. Cockeyed.
Cockeyed, you are great. Everybody loves a female chauvanist trapped in a guy's body!My husband does get down to pleasing me- very well- but sometimes he has his own ideas too. LOL As I posted to caraher, we both have strong personalities, and we couldn't MAKE one another do anything we didn't want to do. That just isn't the way we work... SO don't worry. We are doing OK.
Thanks so much for your comments!
MAL
Posted by Mal on July 27, 2005, at 21:07:12
In reply to Re: porn? » Mal, posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2005, at 20:48:54
> I don't get porn either.
> I mean... I have mental pictures from my experiences. They come to mind sometimes...
> But looking at pictures of real people...
> I just think how would I feel if someone got a shot of me and I found out that people were using it for that. I'd feel yuk. Like an object.
> And I know some people say they feel different...
> And maybe they do...
> Or maybe they have talked themselves into it for the money.
> Who knows.
> But the point is that there is a person in that pic
> And I really don't understand the urge to do that with a picture of some object.
>
> And as for taking a pic of you...
> He has you in the flesh
> So I don't understand what the point would be.
>
> But thats just me
> anti-porn
> and a bit strange no doubt...
I am so glad to know someone else doesn't get it. The whole idea creeps me out. I just think about the PERSON in the photo or movie... That is someone's son/daughter/brother/sister. And if you have ever looked at biographies of some porn stars, a lot of them seem to be miserable. That lifestyle can't be good for anyone. Not to mention the STDs! I was raised that sex is to be shared between loving individuals, not exhibited for the world. To me sex is a very private thing- photos or "home movies" would be like letting some stranger in!Have a good night, AK.
MAL
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