![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 28. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Harlock on November 3, 2003, at 11:20:17
Ok, 1st I was diagnosed bi-polar (only hypo manic)..
years later, diagnosed as having "irritable depression". I did some research on my own, and believe myself to be bipolar II.Anyway, symptoms:
Mainly severe depression stuff, loss of interests, extreme apathy, intense anger, hatred of certain people, violent thoughts (some actions - in a car), irritability from hell, foul mood, negative outlook on life (can't stress this one enough), glass 0.000001% full view of things, difficult to be happy about anything.Basically, I cycle from anger->stress->anxiety (at little)->apathy and back to anger again. I lash out, then feel guilty later, then lash out again, drive like a psychotic Mario Andretti, etc.
I've tried WB, Lexa-satan, deepa-coma, and prozac.
The sarcastic comments embedded in the named describes how I feel about them.
WB increases my irritability (at times, but those times are severe - I have thoughts of seriously hurting people I hate (like those I work with) - no worries though, I'll never actually do it...
It didn't seem to help my depression at all.Depakote - put me to sleep.. daytime fatigue was horrible. It did help curb some anger and irritability though.
Prozac - seemed to minimize depression, and unfortunately sex drive, ability to orgasm, etc.
Lexapro - never again. Too many side effects to list, plus it didn't seem to help either.
I'm med free right now, and side-effect free, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, I can barely get myself into work these days. I HATE where I work, or I should say, certain things about it (and life in general, and I generally hate other people).
I like what I do, I think (software engineer), but aside from my buddies at work, there's a few people I'd rather see under a truck. Nothing will change if I switch jobs.. it never does. I grow to hate where-ever I am. Things grow on me like a disease, and start to fester, until I just can't take it anymore... 2 years at the same company is a miracle for me.
If I sound like anyone else here, please let me know, and let me know if you take anything that has helped you cope with life, yourself, others, etc.
Thank you,
Harlock (handle I've been using since 300 baud modem days)
Posted by sac on November 3, 2003, at 12:59:05
In reply to Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help!, posted by Harlock on November 3, 2003, at 11:20:17
I too am bipolar II. I have episodes of major depression alternating with hypomanic moods. Consisting of mainly intense irritability, rage, negativity etc but also extremely energetic at these times also which is a bad combination. I have been on Lexapro (also hated it), still am on Prozac, Wellbutrin, Depakote (low dose so it doesn't knock me out 250mg at night) and Lamictal. Lamictal is the newest drug to be approved by the FDA for bipolar disorder. It's action is similar to that of Lithium without most of the problematic side effects. Lamictal is pretty stimulating as far as the anti-convulsant medications go but this usually wears off as you get used to it. I don't know if this would help but it seems to be effective for bipolar II particulary the depressed phase. You may also need a tranquilizer ( Serax is what I take at times of extreme agitation since I have two litte kids at home and I don't want to be raging) to help you cope with some of the more intense emotions. Just some thoughts. Good luck to you.
Posted by amy_oz on November 3, 2003, at 16:23:05
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help! » Harlock, posted by sac on November 3, 2003, at 12:59:05
Sac is right Lamictal might be a good option. Its generally prescribed with Lithium for BPII as these drugs seem to suit each other.
Don't knock Depakote completely off yet cause it works well with Lamictal for people with mixed episodes. (Lamictal may curb the sleepiness)
Also, atypical antipsychotics work well for anxiety, irritation etc. try zyprexa, seroquel or abilify.
AJ
Posted by Clayton on November 3, 2003, at 18:14:48
In reply to Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help!, posted by Harlock on November 3, 2003, at 11:20:17
I'm a software engineer who has been just where you describe. Some fun, huh?
Here's what reallly helped me. And I had given up hope in meds.
Remaron coupled with Paxil. They are synergistic but I give more credit to the remaron. It set me free. It saved my life. They might not do sh*t for you, but try.
Maybe couple with one of those regrettable mood stabalizers like zyprexa, too.
Provigil is AMAZING for some. Helps anxiety and mood in many. Might make you more irritable, thiugh.
Use your best judgement and all your knowledge about proposed traetments. The decision to accept a proposed treatment is YOURS. Educate the hell out of youself. Psychiatry is regrettably still in the dark ages. Bad luck. It's just that we were born too soon.
And if you give up, I will personally track you down and rip you head off.
Posted by craig allen on November 3, 2003, at 19:46:12
In reply to Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help!, posted by Harlock on November 3, 2003, at 11:20:17
yep, i can relate. matter of fact, of all the posts i've read on this board, that one ranks right up there as far as relating. unfortunately, no medications have helped me significantly. i'm better when i'm on an ssri than not, but my moods are still bad. intense boredom and irritability, no enjoyment in anything. i've had some very good, but very temporary responses to a few medications. my psychiatrist is recommending outpatient ECT at the moment. all the cognitive side effects scare me though and, from what i've read, it doesn't work that great anyway. i'm sure i'll wind up doing it one of these days. the other thing worth mentioning, is that opioids give me great relief. of course, the quick tolerance and withdrawal make the depression worse than it was to begin with. pretty frustrating.
Posted by Harlock on November 4, 2003, at 18:48:16
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help!, posted by Clayton on November 3, 2003, at 18:14:48
I almost cried (the laughing type) when I read the last line of your post. With us, you never know if a statement like that is a joke or is really serious. I'm assuming it was a joke. ;)
You wouldn't want to mess with me anyway, I'm insane, remember? LOLThanks for the advice people. Maybe a small dose of the depakote will help, as well as trying some of the other drugs. My side effects tend to be pretty bad, so like many, I'm so leary of new drugs.. but, things got much worse at work recently, so I need something to help me more than ever.
My boss, now ex-friend and jackass, turned from supportive friend, to super-prick. I asked around, and I guess it actually isn't just me, even though I can be tough to deal with at times.
I'm wondering if being a software engineer is a bad career choice as these nerds are probably the least compassionate people on earth. Most I've ever seen only tend to see in black or white, 1's and 0's, no pun indended.
Check out my other post on work issues people like us tend to have.
> I'm a software engineer who has been just where you describe. Some fun, huh?
>
> Here's what reallly helped me. And I had given up hope in meds.
>
> Remaron coupled with Paxil. They are synergistic but I give more credit to the remaron. It set me free. It saved my life. They might not do sh*t for you, but try.
>
> Maybe couple with one of those regrettable mood stabalizers like zyprexa, too.
>
> Provigil is AMAZING for some. Helps anxiety and mood in many. Might make you more irritable, thiugh.
>
> Use your best judgement and all your knowledge about proposed traetments. The decision to accept a proposed treatment is YOURS. Educate the hell out of youself. Psychiatry is regrettably still in the dark ages. Bad luck. It's just that we were born too soon.
>
> And if you give up, I will personally track you down and rip you head off.
>
>
>
>
>
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 4, 2003, at 19:39:34
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help! » Clayton, posted by Harlock on November 4, 2003, at 18:48:16
> My boss ... turned from supportive friend, to super-pr*ck.
Sorry to be a prude, but please don't use language that could offend others:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
> these nerds are probably the least compassionate people on earth. Most I've ever seen only tend to see in black or white
Also, please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down, thanks.
Bob
PS: Follow-ups regarding posting policies, and complaints about posts, should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration; otherwise, they may be deleted.
Posted by Clayton on November 4, 2003, at 23:24:08
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help! » Clayton, posted by Harlock on November 4, 2003, at 18:48:16
Christ Harlock,
We live in parallel universes. I've lost all my friends at work. The boss has turned into a systematic sadist (a female nerd who everyone agrees hates men) and just to keep things on the lighter side, my family -- wife and kids of twenty-five years -- left me for good yesterday. No kidding.
My pdoc had prescribed too high a dose of remaron (which I called my salvation yesterday) causing a major excess of seratonin that led to becoming manic-depressive for the first time ever and altrnately crying and raving. Please find me and rip MY head off. Until then, I am forced to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sorry, not feeling very positive tonight.
Posted by Clayton on November 4, 2003, at 23:33:10
In reply to Re: please be civil » Harlock, posted by Dr. Bob on November 4, 2003, at 19:39:34
Well, Doc, I see you reminded Harlock that good manners are a virtue. I just posted a response that is equally negative.
It's been a pretty horrendous 48 hours and I am surviving second by second. But that's not an excuse.
I apologize.
Posted by cybercafe on November 5, 2003, at 0:07:57
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help! » Harlock, posted by craig allen on November 3, 2003, at 19:46:12
> yep, i can relate. matter of fact, of all the posts i've read on this board, that one ranks right up there as far as relating. unfortunately, no medications have helped me significantly. i'm better when i'm on an ssri than not, but my moods are still bad. intense boredom and irritability, no enjoyment in anything. i've had some very good,
hmmm... sounds like me... but then in my case it turned out to be ADD
but very temporary responses to a few medications. my psychiatrist is recommending outpatient ECT at the moment. all the cognitive side effects scare me though and, from what i've read, it doesn't work that great anyway. i'm sure i'll wind up doing it one of these days. the other thing worth mentioning, is that opioids give me great relief. of course, the quick tolerance and withdrawal make the depression worse than it was to begin with. pretty frustrating.
Posted by cybercafe on November 5, 2003, at 0:10:34
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help!, posted by Clayton on November 4, 2003, at 23:24:08
> Christ Harlock,
>
> We live in parallel universes. I've lost all my friends at work. The boss has turned into a systematic sadist (a female nerd who everyone agrees hates men) and just to keep things on the lighter side, my family -- wife and kids of twenty-five years -- left me for good yesterday. No kidding.dude that's too bad..... how are you doing?
>
> My pdoc had prescribed too high a dose of remaron (which I called my salvation yesterday) causing a major excess of seratonin that led to becoming manic-depressive for the first time ever and altrnately crying and raving. Please find me and rip MY head off. Until then, I am forced to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sorry, not feeling very positive tonight.
Posted by Clayton on November 5, 2003, at 1:11:10
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - hel, posted by cybercafe on November 5, 2003, at 0:10:34
CyberCafe,
Thank you for your concern. It means a lot. Many others have survived loosing their families so I guess the odds are that I will, too. The truth is, I'm surviving one second at a time. I'll try to remember to be kind to other people, make myself do my job, and maybe, things will get better. I'm better than I was twenty-four hours ago. Thanks again for the compassion. It is appreciated.
Posted by cybercafe on November 5, 2003, at 3:56:05
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - hel » cybercafe, posted by Clayton on November 5, 2003, at 1:11:10
> CyberCafe,
> Thank you for your concern. It means a lot. Many others have survived loosing their families so I guess the odds are that I will, too. The truth is, I'm surviving one second at a time. I'll try to remember to be kind to other people, make myself do my job, and maybe, things will get better. I'm better than I was twenty-four hours ago. Thanks again for the compassion. It is appreciated.yeah... i know for me it was almost a state of complete disbelief and you just have to take it day by day ... remember it's normal to feel bad, but it's also "normal" to feel better after a few weeks/months... i don't know if that helps you .. but it helped me to remember that ... as a guideline... either i would start feeling better soon or i would be suffering from clinical depression, go on an AD, and be feeling better soon :)
anyways i'm glad you're doing better ... let us know how you are doing
Posted by sadmom on November 5, 2003, at 10:07:18
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help! » Clayton, posted by Harlock on November 4, 2003, at 18:48:16
Add me to the software group. Actually I'm a programmer/analyst and work in Dilbertville. Just survived the 7th downsizing in 2.5 years. I'm on Strattera 80mg and Remeron 30mg. Haven't been on Remeron for 3 weeks yet. Today I'm splitting up my Strattera dosage to see if it helps the horrible muscle tension I have in my shoulders.
Posted by sadmom on November 5, 2003, at 10:09:01
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help!, posted by Clayton on November 4, 2003, at 23:24:08
I just got over a 3 day binge of crying myself. I can't tell if the Remeron is causing it or Strattera. It is like giving me bipolar disorder.
Posted by Clayton on November 5, 2003, at 15:43:34
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help!, posted by sadmom on November 5, 2003, at 10:09:01
Sadmon,
My pdoc says bipolar disorder is caused by seratonin excess, not norepinehron. Said its a documented symptom. But remember, I was on two seratonin drugs: Paxil and Remaron. My doc choose to dial down the remaron from 45 to 30 mg/day. I don't know your options.I'm tempted to ask my pdoc to sub Strattera (a SNRI) for Paxil. It'll be fun just to see how he reacts.
Thats for writting and please let me know how things go and what your doc says and chooses to do about it. That would be very helpful info!
Thanks so Much!
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 5, 2003, at 19:01:05
In reply to Apology » Dr. Bob, posted by Clayton on November 4, 2003, at 23:33:10
Posted by Harlock on November 6, 2003, at 6:57:40
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help!, posted by Clayton on November 4, 2003, at 23:24:08
Clayton, that is HORRIBLE news. Work aside, you're family left you????
I can't even imagine what I could say that would make you feel better. That's terrible news. Please, no need to apologize for your mood. I guess *I* need to for my language in my other post. I was pretty angry then.I wish there was a way I could help you. I'd like to hear more details about your recent experiences. I can give you my private email if you don't want to post it here. Writing about things might make you feel a "bit" better anyway - It does for me.
I called the doctor yesterday because I was losing it. Supreme agitation, anger, etc. He put me on effexor and I'm not happy about it (cause of the horror stories I've read, especially if you miss a dose or two), and I got another drug like valium (forgot the exact name) to calm me down on an as-needed basis. I've actually been looking for something like that for a while. I still have to get the script so I don't know how well it will work for me yet.
This news can't compete with you, but I have a feeling I may get fired tomorrow. Laid off, or whatever term they want to slap on it. I was supposed to apologise for a comment I made to the group, but I refused. I said I'd do it just as soon as a few people apologized to me, and that my friends, will NEVER happen, not from these egos. So, it's a 50/50 shot tomorrow that I'll be gone. If true, I'll spiral into a severe, severe depression. I've done this loss of job thing 2-3 times already.
Anyway, that doesn't compare to your story. I wish I could say something that would help.
I'm very sorry to hear about your family and job.
> Christ Harlock,
>
> We live in parallel universes. I've lost all my friends at work. The boss has turned into a systematic sadist (a female nerd who everyone agrees hates men) and just to keep things on the lighter side, my family -- wife and kids of twenty-five years -- left me for good yesterday. No kidding.
>
> My pdoc had prescribed too high a dose of remaron (which I called my salvation yesterday) causing a major excess of seratonin that led to becoming manic-depressive for the first time ever and altrnately crying and raving. Please find me and rip MY head off. Until then, I am forced to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sorry, not feeling very positive tonight.
Posted by Clayton on November 6, 2003, at 8:58:07
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help! » Clayton, posted by Harlock on November 6, 2003, at 6:57:40
Chris,
I'm at work and time is VERY limited.
I am in danger of being fired today or tomorrow, too.Swallow hard and DO apologize for your comment. Others may owe you an apology but be the bigger man and don't make a game of it.
Your compassion is appreciated more than words can express. I WILL get fired if I don't get off the net. More to follow.
Thank you again from the bottom of mt heart!
Posted by jerrydawson on November 6, 2003, at 10:02:57
In reply to Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help!, posted by Harlock on November 3, 2003, at 11:20:17
Have you ever thought about the root causes that are bringing on these symptoms? Yeah, it's a chemical imbalance, but often there are certain physiological "states" that initiate and cause a chemical to become depleted or overplenished. Drugs don't do anything but contribute to the chaos in your cerebral cortex by adding more imbalance to the loop and masking the underlying cause(s). First off, cease with the caffeine, then, get more light. Alter your behavior patterns by altering your lifestyle patterns. Don't you know how to analyze? Remember, every adverse behavior pattern is a substitution for something else. See ya.
Posted by femlite on November 6, 2003, at 16:04:26
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help!, posted by jerrydawson on November 6, 2003, at 10:02:57
jd,
Im intrigued though not in complete agreement with your response. If, as you say certain psychological states can overload or deplete our brain of certain chemicals, why is it chaotic to add (in the case of depletion) the missing chemical?
If this overload or depleation occured as a result of childhood abuse, patterns established so early in life can be very difficult to overcome. If you really are a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kinda guy, can you accept not everyone wears boots? Sometimes outside help is nec. to see the whole picture.> Have you ever thought about the root causes that are bringing on these symptoms? Yeah, it's a chemical imbalance, but often there are certain physiological "states" that initiate and cause a chemical to become depleted or overplenished. Drugs don't do anything but contribute to the chaos in your cerebral cortex by adding more imbalance to the loop and masking the underlying cause(s). First off, cease with the caffeine, then, get more light. Alter your behavior patterns by altering your lifestyle patterns. Don't you know how to analyze? Remember, every adverse behavior pattern is a substitution for something else. See ya.
Posted by Clayton on November 6, 2003, at 23:42:08
In reply to Re: Irritable depression - I need a new drug - help!, posted by jerrydawson on November 6, 2003, at 10:02:57
To my new buddy and fellow software engineer,
Someone should ask the lady who claims psychological configurations lead to chemical imbalances, doesn't she realize that psychological configurations are themselves the result of brain activity and chemicals? Does she believe that "The Ghost in the Machine" messes with your neurotransmitters? We are in waters that are philisophically way too deep for the time I have. In truth, I'm NOT a total reductionist. I think the mind and soul are seperate from the brain and truly REAL in their own right...so called emergent phenomena of which there are many examples in the universe. I just think the brain is necessary for the mind and soul to exist. (You can see I'm not going to heaven! Nor do I fear hell.) Every mental/psychological phenominon does have a physical correlate in the brain that suppports it. But the mind has an irreducable, primacy reality of its own.
The woman has a point about lifestyle. Light: Proven to help and helps me. Particularly the normal spectral distribution (color temperature) of sunlight, especially in the morning. If you are like me, somedays you can't get out of bed and you just want to lay there in total (and very real) misery, suffering. If you can't make it outside, open all the blinds/curtains and let the light in. Then lay back down if necessary but do it in a room or place with the maximum possible sunlight. EXERCISE: She didn't mention that one, but user poles rate sustained strenuous cardiovascular exercise as the best way to eliminate stress and decrease anxiety. It is for me. It's probably why I'm on two antidepressants instead of some soup consisting of seven psychotropic, ANTIdepressant, ANTI-anxiety, ANTI-psychotic chemicals, It's increasingly understood that SSRIs are general anesthetics that dull all the peak experiences in life. That means they are robbing your humanity and chance to function as a healthy human being. (This is REALLY hypoctitical, man. I've told you I have as many problems as you. Forgive the lecture). No one has a clue what the chemical soup will do to you but it won't leave you a chance in hell of being "normal" (disgusting term!). Let's say this: it will remove your capacity to function as an authentic human being.
Exercise also burns off evil feelings of hate and resentment. And the pain will have been worth it when you get that endorphin rush afterward. You'll be activating your opiate receptors (without opiates). The feeling is peaceful, contended and happy and secure (not unlike what you experience after very good, loving, caring sex).
You know I just lost my wife and kids three days ago. They WERE my whole reason to exist. You also know I might get fired tomorrow, and at age 52 in this job market, that's very bad news. Still, I have moved from surviving second-to-second to minute-to-minute. I am determined to make something positive come out of this. I know this is partially denial and bravado, but it is also coping.
Irresponsible Hypocracy: Have you tried Gabapentin (Neutontin)? Has an affinity for both benzo and opiate receptors.
Really Irresponsible Hypocracy: Also get a lot of samples or waste some money on the net to get 200 mg modafinil (ProVigil) tablets. (Do research before you follow this advice.) 100 mg the first day or two. 200 mg the next two days. If you still don't feel any better go to 400 mg/day. Take 200 mg upon awakening and another 200 mg about 11:00 oclock. It can help mood, anxiety, amotivation and your memory and cognitive skills. Tends to increase social interaction. Or be really irresponsible and abuse it and have some harmless fun. Want to stay up all night and write questionable posts for Psycho-Babble like this one? Take 200 mg in the evening and you will de able to do it and feel alert all night. Do you like to dream? I do. Take 100-200 mg of Provigil and go to bed. You WILL be able to sleep. But I hear from another user that you will have really cool lucid dreams. Haven't tried it myself. But I know at a dose not greater than 200 mg, you can fall asleep normally and it doesn't interfere with REM. Irresponibility aside, a brief trial of this medication is worth a go just to see if it helps.
Excuse the irreponsible ramblimg! I'm outta here for no.
Posted by femlite on November 10, 2003, at 0:55:33
In reply to Lifestyle, Preaching and Hypocracy., posted by Clayton on November 6, 2003, at 23:42:08
Clayton, Im really sorry to hear about your family. I dont know how much influence you feel you have, but dont give up, their your kids too, and they probably really need you right now.
Best regards> To my new buddy and fellow software engineer,
>
> Someone should ask the lady who claims psychological configurations lead to chemical imbalances, doesn't she realize that psychological configurations are themselves the result of brain activity and chemicals? Does she believe that "The Ghost in the Machine" messes with your neurotransmitters? We are in waters that are philisophically way too deep for the time I have. In truth, I'm NOT a total reductionist. I think the mind and soul are seperate from the brain and truly REAL in their own right...so called emergent phenomena of which there are many examples in the universe. I just think the brain is necessary for the mind and soul to exist. (You can see I'm not going to heaven! Nor do I fear hell.) Every mental/psychological phenominon does have a physical correlate in the brain that suppports it. But the mind has an irreducable, primacy reality of its own.
>
> The woman has a point about lifestyle. Light: Proven to help and helps me. Particularly the normal spectral distribution (color temperature) of sunlight, especially in the morning. If you are like me, somedays you can't get out of bed and you just want to lay there in total (and very real) misery, suffering. If you can't make it outside, open all the blinds/curtains and let the light in. Then lay back down if necessary but do it in a room or place with the maximum possible sunlight. EXERCISE: She didn't mention that one, but user poles rate sustained strenuous cardiovascular exercise as the best way to eliminate stress and decrease anxiety. It is for me. It's probably why I'm on two antidepressants instead of some soup consisting of seven psychotropic, ANTIdepressant, ANTI-anxiety, ANTI-psychotic chemicals, It's increasingly understood that SSRIs are general anesthetics that dull all the peak experiences in life. That means they are robbing your humanity and chance to function as a healthy human being. (This is REALLY hypoctitical, man. I've told you I have as many problems as you. Forgive the lecture). No one has a clue what the chemical soup will do to you but it won't leave you a chance in hell of being "normal" (disgusting term!). Let's say this: it will remove your capacity to function as an authentic human being.
>
> Exercise also burns off evil feelings of hate and resentment. And the pain will have been worth it when you get that endorphin rush afterward. You'll be activating your opiate receptors (without opiates). The feeling is peaceful, contended and happy and secure (not unlike what you experience after very good, loving, caring sex).
>
> You know I just lost my wife and kids three days ago. They WERE my whole reason to exist. You also know I might get fired tomorrow, and at age 52 in this job market, that's very bad news. Still, I have moved from surviving second-to-second to minute-to-minute. I am determined to make something positive come out of this. I know this is partially denial and bravado, but it is also coping.
>
> Irresponsible Hypocracy: Have you tried Gabapentin (Neutontin)? Has an affinity for both benzo and opiate receptors.
>
> Really Irresponsible Hypocracy: Also get a lot of samples or waste some money on the net to get 200 mg modafinil (ProVigil) tablets. (Do research before you follow this advice.) 100 mg the first day or two. 200 mg the next two days. If you still don't feel any better go to 400 mg/day. Take 200 mg upon awakening and another 200 mg about 11:00 oclock. It can help mood, anxiety, amotivation and your memory and cognitive skills. Tends to increase social interaction. Or be really irresponsible and abuse it and have some harmless fun. Want to stay up all night and write questionable posts for Psycho-Babble like this one? Take 200 mg in the evening and you will de able to do it and feel alert all night. Do you like to dream? I do. Take 100-200 mg of Provigil and go to bed. You WILL be able to sleep. But I hear from another user that you will have really cool lucid dreams. Haven't tried it myself. But I know at a dose not greater than 200 mg, you can fall asleep normally and it doesn't interfere with REM. Irresponibility aside, a brief trial of this medication is worth a go just to see if it helps.
>
> Excuse the irreponsible ramblimg! I'm outta here for no.
>
>
Posted by Harlock on November 10, 2003, at 9:26:45
In reply to Lifestyle, Preaching and Hypocracy., posted by Clayton on November 6, 2003, at 23:42:08
Howdy. What the intro line dedicated to me? I know where was another SE here. Man, I'm really burnt out with this occupation. If I had a ton of money saved up (I don't), I would quit, ASAP, and go back to school to be a child psychologist. I love kids (they are the only humans I instantly like as opposed to hate), and I have quite the interest in the psych field (go figure). My childhood kinda sucked and my parents where to blame for a large part of this, so I'd hate to see other children put up with what I did (and worse).
I'm a "devout" athiest, so these matters don't affect my treatment at all. I kinda wish I did beleive in something "higher", but I'm a scientist, so I can't get past the logic/anti-logic behind theological issues. To the beleivers, all the power to ya!, and I hope it helps you.
On Light, it does help me as well, although my cube looks like a dungeon. I unplugged the flourescent lights above me. No change of me getting a window cube either. I've burned too many bridges here for that.
About my work apology... I've done this in the past, and wrote detailed 1 on 1 emails to people, several people, and guess what? No response. How am I supposed to take that? They are too arrogant and self-rightious to even work out a dialog with me. No more apologies from me. I give up.
I talked to my boss, and so far so good... I'm probably going to keep working here. It's still touch and go though. Other powers are trying hard to drive me out, and vice versa for me.
I like to think some of us are extremely perceptive, due to the nature of our disorders. We can easily see problems with behavior and the like, where others cannot. So, maybe it's not my job to voice these concerns here are work, well, at least in the way I did it, but it's a little late for that. What's done is done. Some people love me here (at work), others hate me. I also hate the people who feel the same way about me. I'd like to really like them, but they've bashed me hard too many times to make that a reality.
I hate people that can't empathize with my disorder, or even worse, the people who think it is "all in my head"...so to speak.
Well, to anyone suffering here, you have a friend in me. I'd like to help you, if I can. I find great healing just my writing here, and seeing responses from people who share what I go through.
If anyone lives around Salem, NH, I'd love to get a support group together. Hell, even to just do something "fun"... see a movie, go out to eat, etc. and least but not least, share each-others experiences and support eachothers. No one else will (to a degree).
Take care.
> To my new buddy and fellow software engineer,
>
> Someone should ask the lady who claims psychological configurations lead to chemical imbalances, doesn't she realize that psychological configurations are themselves the result of brain activity and chemicals? Does she believe that "The Ghost in the Machine" messes with your neurotransmitters? We are in waters that are philisophically way too deep for the time I have. In truth, I'm NOT a total reductionist. I think the mind and soul are seperate from the brain and truly REAL in their own right...so called emergent phenomena of which there are many examples in the universe. I just think the brain is necessary for the mind and soul to exist. (You can see I'm not going to heaven! Nor do I fear hell.) Every mental/psychological phenominon does have a physical correlate in the brain that suppports it. But the mind has an irreducable, primacy reality of its own.
>
> The woman has a point about lifestyle. Light: Proven to help and helps me. Particularly the normal spectral distribution (color temperature) of sunlight, especially in the morning. If you are like me, somedays you can't get out of bed and you just want to lay there in total (and very real) misery, suffering. If you can't make it outside, open all the blinds/curtains and let the light in. Then lay back down if necessary but do it in a room or place with the maximum possible sunlight. EXERCISE: She didn't mention that one, but user poles rate sustained strenuous cardiovascular exercise as the best way to eliminate stress and decrease anxiety. It is for me. It's probably why I'm on two antidepressants instead of some soup consisting of seven psychotropic, ANTIdepressant, ANTI-anxiety, ANTI-psychotic chemicals, It's increasingly understood that SSRIs are general anesthetics that dull all the peak experiences in life. That means they are robbing your humanity and chance to function as a healthy human being. (This is REALLY hypoctitical, man. I've told you I have as many problems as you. Forgive the lecture). No one has a clue what the chemical soup will do to you but it won't leave you a chance in hell of being "normal" (disgusting term!). Let's say this: it will remove your capacity to function as an authentic human being.
>
> Exercise also burns off evil feelings of hate and resentment. And the pain will have been worth it when you get that endorphin rush afterward. You'll be activating your opiate receptors (without opiates). The feeling is peaceful, contended and happy and secure (not unlike what you experience after very good, loving, caring sex).
>
> You know I just lost my wife and kids three days ago. They WERE my whole reason to exist. You also know I might get fired tomorrow, and at age 52 in this job market, that's very bad news. Still, I have moved from surviving second-to-second to minute-to-minute. I am determined to make something positive come out of this. I know this is partially denial and bravado, but it is also coping.
>
> Irresponsible Hypocracy: Have you tried Gabapentin (Neutontin)? Has an affinity for both benzo and opiate receptors.
>
> Really Irresponsible Hypocracy: Also get a lot of samples or waste some money on the net to get 200 mg modafinil (ProVigil) tablets. (Do research before you follow this advice.) 100 mg the first day or two. 200 mg the next two days. If you still don't feel any better go to 400 mg/day. Take 200 mg upon awakening and another 200 mg about 11:00 oclock. It can help mood, anxiety, amotivation and your memory and cognitive skills. Tends to increase social interaction. Or be really irresponsible and abuse it and have some harmless fun. Want to stay up all night and write questionable posts for Psycho-Babble like this one? Take 200 mg in the evening and you will de able to do it and feel alert all night. Do you like to dream? I do. Take 100-200 mg of Provigil and go to bed. You WILL be able to sleep. But I hear from another user that you will have really cool lucid dreams. Haven't tried it myself. But I know at a dose not greater than 200 mg, you can fall asleep normally and it doesn't interfere with REM. Irresponibility aside, a brief trial of this medication is worth a go just to see if it helps.
>
> Excuse the irreponsible ramblimg! I'm outta here for no.
>
>
Posted by femlite on November 11, 2003, at 12:22:38
In reply to Re: Lifestyle, Preaching and Hypocracy. » Clayton, posted by Harlock on November 10, 2003, at 9:26:45
HARLOCK
I really empathized with your post and I wish I lived nearby.
Please forgive, but I cant always keep my acronyms straight, what does SE stand for?
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